Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

ofendorphins.

For me, a good way to release this pent upenergy is through martial arts. I can yell and hit things withouthurting myself or anyone else. Becoming skilled at self-defenseimproves my physical health and my self-confidence.

There are other ways to release aggressionwithout hurting others or ourselves. Go for a run or blow off steamby talking to a good friend. Yell and scream when no one is around.Write your angry feelings down in a journal. It is important toexpress your anger in an active way whenever possible.

We all want others to respect us, buteventually, we have to let go of the past. We need to release ourpain. As adults, we can leave abusive jobs and relationships. Wecan avoid dangerous people and places. We have more control than wedid when we were being abused.

Yes, we were violated. Yes, we have everyright to feel angry. No, we are not going to hurt others orourselves.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Dealing With Violation

I’m angry about having been violated. Thereis a certain amount of integrity I want to maintain, a certain lineI do not want others to cross. One of my boundaries is that I wantpeople to respect me sexually.

I don’t want people to make me do things thatare against my will. I don’t want to be overpowered. When I was achild, I had no way to protect myself. There was nothing I coulddo. I was at the mercy of my abusers.

It hurts when people violate my boundaries.Sometimes I feel a deep sense of hopelessness about ever being ableto set healthy boundaries again. I become so angry with my abusersthat I end up violating my own boundaries and mistreatingmyself.

The issue I struggle with is respect. I feelso angry that I was disrespected.

I feel angry that people can violate myboundaries whenever they want. What good are boundaries anyway?What difference does it make whether I set healthy boundaries ornot?

If every boundary I set can be violated byothers, why bother setting boundaries at all? I can insist thatothers respect my boundaries, but what if they don’t care? I wish Icould protect myself from harm, but in the end, nothing can protectme from harm. I am vulnerable to the cruelty of others.

Sexual abuse happens. All I can do is try toheal.

Personal Journal Entry

Entry #2: Anger About Violation

I have a will, damn it! I don’t want to beviolated and I don’t want to be sexually abused! I don’t want to betaken advantage of! Why can’t people respect my boundaries? Why didthey have to exploit me? Why did they have to use my weaknessagainst me?

I deserve to be respected. I deservecompassion. I deserve care. I deserve love. I do not deserve to beabused!

Just because you can’t stop something fromhappening doesn’t make it right! It’s wrong to violate anotherperson’s boundaries and exploit their weaknesses!

I’m so angry! Even God never stopped theabuse. God never did anything to protect my innocence. No one everprotected me from harm!

God, why didn’t you protect me? I needed you,and you abandoned me!

Personal Journal Entry

Entry #3:God’s Role

I have thought about what I just wrote, and Irealize now that God will not always protect me or give me what Ideserve.

God will not prevent my heartache, but He/Shewill love me always. He/She will not take away my fear, but He/Shewill help me through it. He/She will not defend my boundaries, butI need to keep setting healthy boundaries anyway. I need to do mybest to protect myself. I need to respect my own boundaries, andinsist that others respect them as well.

I have to learn to respect myself, because inthe end, setting boundaries is an expression of self-respect, not aguarantee of self-protection. If I have done everything in my powerto set healthy boundaries and protect myself, I have done mypart.

Self-respect must come from within. I have torespect myself, even when others violate my boundaries. Even whenothers disrespect me. I can’t use the fact that I was disrespectedin the past as an excuse to disrespect myself. I need to keepsetting healthy boundaries.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #4: Releasing Abusers

I can’t prevent an abuser from violating myboundaries. I have to let go of their choices. I have to try andseparate their actions from my basic worth as a person. I need toreject their abuse.

I have to release my abusers and leave thembehind. Someday they will have to answer for what they have done.But I am not responsible for them.

I am responsible for myself. I choose adifferent path. I choose to respect my boundaries and love myself.I choose to find my own way, develop my own beliefs, and determinemy own direction. I choose to form my own opinions about myself-worth, independent of what happened in the past.

I am not like my abusers. I take ownership ofmy heart, my decisions, my pain, my love, my fears, my behaviors,my spirituality, and my life.

In the past, I worshipped people with power.I held my abusers in awe. I respected their opinions and looked upto them. It’s time that I finally see them clearly.

My abusers were not all knowing, as Ibelieved them to be. They were ignorant and cruel. They used theirpower to exploit me and abuse me.

Exercise 21-1

Coping With Anger

What triggers your anger?

1. ___ Being Disrespected

2. ___ Being Overlooked

3. ___ Relationship Issues

4. ___ Financial Stress

5. ___ Lack of Control

6. ___ Powerlessness

7. ___ Work Problems

8. ___ The Bad Behavior Of Others

9. ___ Feeling Taken For Granted

10. ___ Frustration

11. ___ Repeated Failure

12. ___ Being Told What To Do

13. ___ Lack Of Freedom

14. ___ Feeling Tired/Irritable

15. ___ Feeling Hopeless

16. ___ Feeling Disappointed

17. ___ Feeling Depressed

18. ___ Memories Of The Abuse

19. ___ Feeling Overwhelmed

20. ___ Feeling Stressed-Out

21. ___ Feeling Lonely

22. ___ Feeling Abandoned

How do you usually cope with your angryfeelings?

1. ___ Raise Your Voice

2. ___ Develop Resentments

3. ___ Drink Or Use Drugs

4. ___ Get “Short” With People

5. ___ Start Verbal Arguments

6. ___ Start Physical Fights

7. ___ Claim That “I Don’t Care”

8. ___ Neglect Your Personal Needs

9. ___ Spend Money Compulsively

10. ___ Eat Compulsively

11. ___ Have Sex Compulsively

12. ___ Overwork

13. ___ Become Judgmental Of Others

14. ___ Fantasize About Acts Of Violence

15. ___ Develop Road