Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

16. ___ Pick On Yourself

17. ___ Pick On Other People

18. ___ Quit Your Job

19. ___ Isolate Yourself And Avoid Family OrFriends

20. ___ Feel Sorry For Yourself

21. ___ Get Depressed

22. ___ Stuff Your Feelings

What are some healthy ways you can releaseyour anger?

1. ___ Physical Exercise

2. ___ Martial Arts/Kickboxing

3. ___ Yell And Scream When No One IsAround

4. ___ Play A Video Game

5. ___ Talk To Someone About YourFeelings

6. ___ Write Your Angry Feelings Down In AJournal

7. ___ Cry

8. ___ Turn To God And Pray

9. ___ Engage In Hobbies

10. ___ Deal With Your UnderlyingEmotions

11. ___ Allow Yourself To Feel Angry

12. ___ Try to Understand Why Painful ThingsHappen

13. ___ Stand Up For Yourself

14. ___ Allow Yourself To Feel Frustrated

15. ___ Work To Change The Situation

16. ___ Let Go When You Can’t Change TheSituation

17. ___ Brainstorm Solutions To TheSituation

18. ___ Break Off A Relationship If You Can’tResolve The Problems

19. ___ Continue To Respect Yourself

20. ___ Continue To Respect Others

21. ___ Do Deep Breathing Exercises

22. ___ Count To Ten

23. ___ Remove Yourself From AnAnger-Provoking Person Or Situation

24. ___ Work To Find A Compromise With YourAnger-Provoking Person Or Situation

25. ___ Get Lots Of Rest

Chapter 22 –Betrayal

“Betrayal is about learning not to idealize externalsources.”

-Linda Talley

Betrayal occurs when someone misleads us orbreaks our trust. Many of us felt deeply betrayed when we weresexually abused. Even now, we may find it difficult to trustothers, or difficult to believe that anyone in this world could beworthy of our trust.

Some of us had friends or relatives thatturned on us or victimized us. We may have been raped or assaultedwhile on a date. Sometimes our feelings of violation areintense.

What is it that our abusers betrayed? If theywere parents, pastors, or the leader of a youth organization, theybetrayed their position of power and authority. They betrayed themost basic codes of decency and respect.

Instead of joy, they gave us pain. Instead ofsafety, they gave us fear.

Betrayal can lead to strong feelings of angerand resentment. We want to be cared for, not abused. A violation ofthis type can lead to a great deal of hurt and confusion. It candestroy our sense of security. Being sexually abused causes us tolose trust and lose faith.

If we were abused as children, it isimportant to realize that an adult can seem a lot like God to asmall child. They have so much power and control. We may havethought they knew what they were doing. We may have believed thatthey understood the consequences of their actions. We may havemistaken their power for wisdom.

Why do some people prove so unworthy of thepower God gave them? We may have believed that our parents weredivinely appointed to take care of us. We may have believed thatthey would look out for our best interests. If our parents wereabusive, we may have questioned ourselves instead of them.

It is a parent’s job to provide theirchildren with lots of love and support. To encourage them to learnand grow. God offers many parents the challenge of raisingchildren. Unfortunately, some prove unworthy of the task.

If our parents sexually abused us, ourchildhood was a disaster. Instead of loving us, they molested us.Instead of meeting our needs, they satisfied their own selfishneeds at our expense.

They used us. To fulfill their need forpower. To fulfill their need for unlimited sexual gratification. Tofulfill their need to hurt someone with their anger.

One of the tasks of parenthood is to protectyour children from harm. That means protecting a child’sboundaries. It is a parent’s responsibility to do everything intheir power to keep their children safe. To keep them out of harm’sway so that those children can grow up to be healthy, happy, andstrong.

We may have tried to defend our parents. Wemay have wanted to believe they would protect us. We may havewanted to believe they would support us and be there for us when weneeded them. Some of us are still in denial about our parents. Westill hold onto fantasies about our childhood that were nevertrue.

It’s okay to believe in good parents. Someparents are capable of sacrificing their own needs to provide fortheir children. They can be supportive when their children needhelp, protect their children to the best of their ability, andtreat their children with love and respect. This is the way goodparents are supposed to behave.

If you were sexually abused by a parent, theloss you feel is real. Your desire for love is normal. You were notdefective and you deserved better. But the truth is that theparents you wanted were not the parents you got.

How can we grieve this kind of loss? Some ofus feel a terrible void inside of us. We were never adequatelyloved, nurtured, or cherished.

The only way to fill a void of this kind iswith renewed love. Love for ourselves. Love from God. Love from ourpuppy dog. Love from our friends. Love from our lover. Love fromour children. Love from “The Universe.”

Our parents may have failed us. In fact, itmay seem silly to call them parents at all. But it is possible tofind surrogate parents who can love and support us, even as adults.It’s never too late to find the love and support we deserve.

Personal Journal Entry

Entry #1: Anger About Betrayal

I hate people for hurting me. How am Isupposed to trust them when they can betray me like this? How can Iever heal this pain? How can I ever get over what happened tome?

Sometimes I fear that I will be betrayedagain. I’m afraid I won’t see it coming. I won’t realize thatsomeone is going to betray me until it’s too late.

No one will ever be completely worthy of mytrust. People lie out of fear. They betray out of anger. Cruelty isa sign of weakness, not of strength.

I trusted my abusers because I needed their love tosurvive in this world. When they abused me, I felt torn apart. Mypain is very deep because I was so weak, vulnerable, and needy.

There can be no love without trust. In orderto open our hearts, we must feel safe. Betrayal destroys trust,destroys safety, and destroys love.

My own trust issues are