Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗

It is foolish perhaps to give the description of such papers, for their fashion is but of the moment. A jeweler from Paris has been responsible for their present vogue in New York, and his clientele is only among the young and smart. Older and more conservative women (and, of course, all men) keep to the plain fashion of yesterday, which will just as surely be the fashion of to-morrow.

Mourning Paper

Persons who are in mourning use black-edged visiting cards, letter paper and envelopes. The depth of black corresponds with the depth of mourning and the closeness of relation to the one who has gone, the width decreasing as one's mourning lightens. The width of black to use is a matter of personal taste and feeling. A very heavy border (from 3/8 to 7/16 of an inch) announces the deepest retirement.

Dating A Letter

Usually the date is put at the upper right hand of the first page of a letter, or at the end, and to the left of the signature, of a note. It is far less confusing for one's correspondent to read January 9, 1920, than 1-9-20. Theoretically, one should write out the date in full: the ninth of January, Nineteen hundred and twenty-one. That, however, is the height of pedantry, and an unswallowable mouthful at the top of any page not a document.

At the end of a note "Thursday" is sufficient unless the note is an invitation for more than a week ahead, in which case write as in a letter, "January 9" or "the ninth of January." The year is not necessary since it can hardly be supposed to take a year for a letter's transportation.

Sequence Of Pages

If a note is longer than one page, the third page is usually next, as this leaves the fourth blank and prevents the writing from showing through the envelope. With heavy or tissue-lined envelopes, the fourth is used as often as the third. In letters one may write first, second, third, fourth, in regular order; or first and fourth, then, opening the sheet and turning it sideways, write across the two inside pages as one. Many prefer to write on first, third, then sideways across second and fourth. In certain cities—Boston, for instance—the last word on a page is repeated at the top of the next. It is undoubtedly a good idea, but makes a stuttering impression upon one not accustomed to it.

Folding A Note

As to whether a letter is folded in such a way that the recipient shall read the contents without having to turn the paper, is giving too much importance to nothing. It is sufficient if the paper is folded neatly, once, of course, for the envelope that is half the length of the paper, and twice for the envelope that is a third.

Sealing Wax

If you use sealing wax, let us hope you are an adept at making an even and smoothly finished seal. Choose a plain-colored wax rather than one speckled with metal. With the sort of paper described for country houses, or for young people, or those living in studios or bungalows, gay sealing wax may be quite alluring, especially if it can be persuaded to pour smoothly like liquid, and not to look like a streaked and broken off slice of dough. In days when envelopes were unknown, all letters had to be sealed, hence when envelopes were made, the idea obtained that it was improper to use both gum-arabic and wax. Strictly speaking this may be true, but since all envelopes have mucilage, it would be unreasonable to demand that those who like to use sealing wax have their envelopes made to order.

Form Of Address

The most formal beginning of a social letter is "My dear Mrs. Smith." (The fact that in England "Dear Mrs. Smith" is more formal does not greatly concern us in America.) "Dear Mrs. Smith," "Dear Sarah," "Dear Sally," "Sally dear," "Dearest Sally," "Darling Sally," are increasingly intimate.

Business letters begin:

Or if more personal:

The Complimentary Close

The close of a business letter should be "Yours truly," or "Yours very truly." "Respectfully" is used only by a tradesman to a customer, an employee to an employer, or by an inferior, never by a person of equal position. No lady should ever sign a letter "respectfully," not even were she writing to a queen. If an American lady should have occasion to write to a queen, she should conclude her letter "I have the honor to remain, Madam, your most obedient." (For address and close of letters to persons of title, see table at the end of this chapter.)

Close Of Personal Notes And Letters

It is too bad that the English language does not permit the charming and graceful closing of all letters in the French manner, those little flowers of compliment that leave such a pleasant fragrance after reading. But ever since the Eighteenth Century the English-speaking have been busy pruning away all ornament of expression; even the last remaining graces, "kindest regards," "with kindest remembrances," are fast disappearing, leaving us nothing but an abrupt "Yours truly," or "Sincerely yours."

Closing a Formal Note

The best ending to a formal social note is, "Sincerely," "Sincerely yours," "Very sincerely," "Very sincerely yours," "Yours always sincerely," or "Always sincerely yours."

"I remain, dear madam," is no longer in use, but "Believe me" is still correct when formality is to be expressed in the close of a note.

or

This last is an English form, but it is used by quite a number of Americans—particularly those who have been much abroad.

Appropriate for a Man

"Faithfully" or "Faithfully yours" is a very good signature for a man in writing to a woman, or in any uncommercial correspondence, such as a letter to the President of the United States, a member of the Cabinet, an Ambassador, a clergyman, etc.

The Intimate Closing

"Affectionately yours," "Always affectionately," "Affectionately," "Devotedly," "Lovingly," "Your loving" are in increasing scale of intimacy.

"Lovingly" is much more intimate than "Affectionately" and so is "Devotedly."

"Sincerely" in formal notes and "Affectionately" in intimate notes are the two adverbs most used in the present day, and between these two there is a blank; in English we have no expression to fit sentiment more friendly than the first nor one less intimate than the second.

Not Good Form

"Cordially" was coined no doubt to fill this need, but its self-consciousness puts it in the category with "residence" and "retire," and all the other offenses of pretentiousness, and in New York, at least, it is not used by people of taste.

"Warmly yours" is unspeakable.

"Yours in haste" or "Hastily yours" is not bad form, but is rather carelessly rude.

"In a tearing hurry" is a termination dear to the boarding school girl; but its truth does not make it any more attractive than the vision of that same young girl rushing into a room with her hat and coat half on, to swoop upon her mother with a peck of a kiss, and with a "—by, mamma!" whirl out again! Turmoil and flurry may be characteristic of the manners of to-day; both are far from the ideal of beautiful manners which should be as assured, as smooth, as controlled as the running of a high-grade automobile. Flea-like motions are no better suited to manners than to motors.

Other Endings

"Gratefully" is used only when a benefit has been received, as to a lawyer who has skilfully handled a case; to a surgeon who has saved a life dear to you; to a friend who has been put to unusual trouble to do you a favor.

In an ordinary letter of thanks, the signature is "Sincerely," "Affectionately," "Devotedly"—as the case may be.

The phrases that a man might devise to close a letter to his betrothed or his wife are bound only by the limit of his imagination and do not belong in this, or any, book.

The Signature

Abroad, the higher the rank, the shorter the name. A duke, for instance, signs himself "Marlborough," nothing else, and a queen her first name "Victoria." The social world in Europe, therefore, laughs at us for using our whole names, or worse yet, inserting meaningless initials in our signatures. Etiquette in accord with Europe also objects strenuously to initials and demands that names be always engraved, and, if possible, written in full, but only very correct people strictly observe this rule.

In Europe all persons have so many names given them in baptism that they are forced, naturally, to lay most of them aside, selecting one, or at most two, for use. In America, the names bestowed at baptism become inseparably part of each individual, so that if the name is overlong, a string of initials is the inevitable result.

Since, in America, it is not customary for a man to discard any of his names, and John Hunter Titherington Smith is far too much of a pen-full for the one who signs thousands of letters and documents, it is small wonder that he chooses J.H.T. Smith, instead, or perhaps, at the end of personal letters, John H.T. Smith. Why shouldn't he? It is, after all, his own name to sign as he chooses, and in addressing him deference to his choice should be shown.

A married woman should always sign a letter to a stranger, a bank, business firm, etc., with her baptismal name, and add, in parenthesis, her married name. Thus:

Never under any circumstances sign a letter "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Miss" (except a note written in the third person). If, in the example above, Sarah Robinson Smith were "Miss" she would put "Miss" in parenthesis to the left of her signature:

(Miss) Sarah Robinson Smith.

The Superscription

Formal invitations are always addressed to Mr. Stanley Smith; all other personal letters may be addressed to Stanley Smith,