Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗
- Author: Emily Post
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Informal Letter Of Introduction
Dear Claire:
A very great friend of ours, James Dawson, is to be in Chicago for several weeks. Any kindness that you can show him will be greatly appreciated by
Yours as always,Ethel Norman.
At the same time a second and private letter of information is written and sent by mail:
Dear Claire:
I wrote you a letter to-day introducing Jim Dawson. He used to be on the Yalvard football team, perhaps you remember. He is one of the best sort in the world and I know you will like him. I don't want to put you to any trouble, but do ask him to your house if you can. He plays a wonderful game of golf and a good game of bridge, but he is more a man's than a woman's type of man. Maybe if Tom likes him, he will put him up at a club as he is to be in Chicago for some weeks.
Affectionately always,Ethel.
Another example:
Dear Caroline:
A very dear friend of mine, Mrs. Fred West, is going to be in New York this winter, while her daughter is at Barnard. I am asking her to take this letter to you as I want very much to have her meet you and have her daughter meet Pauline. Anything that you can do for them will be the same as for me!
Yours affectionately,Sylvia Greatlake.
The private letter by mail to accompany the foregoing:
Dearest Caroline:
Mildred West, for whom I wrote to you this morning, is a very close friend of mine. She is going to New York with her only daughter—who, in spite of wanting a college education, is as pretty as a picture, with plenty of come-hither in the eye—so do not be afraid that the typical blue-stocking is to be thrust upon Pauline! The mother is an altogether lovely person and I know that you and she will speak the same language—if I didn't, I wouldn't give her a letter to you. Do go to see her as soon as you can; she will be stopping at the Fitz-Cherry and probably feeling rather lost at first. She wants to take an apartment for the winter and I told her I was sure you would know the best real estate and intelligence offices, etc., for her to go to.
I hope I am not putting you to any trouble about her, but she is really a darling and you will like her I know.
Devotedly yours,Sylvia.
Directions for procedure upon being given (or receiving) a letter of introduction will be found on pages 16 and 17.
The Third Person
In other days when even verbal messages began with the "presenting of compliments," a social note, no matter what its length or purport, would have been considered rude, unless written in the third person. But as in a communication of any length the difficulty of this form is almost insurmountable (to say nothing of the pedantic effect of its accomplishment), it is no longer chosen—aside from the formal invitation, acceptance and regret—except for notes to stores or subordinates. For example:
Will B. Stern & Co. please send (and charge) to Mrs. John H. Smith, 2 Madison Avenue,
1 paper of needles No. 92 spools white sewing Cotton No. 70
1 yard of material (sample enclosed).
January 6.
To a servant:
Mrs. Eminent wishes Patrick to meet her at the station on Tuesday the eighth at 11.03. She also wishes him to have the shutters opened and the house aired on that day, and a fire lighted in the northwest room. No provisions will be necessary as Mrs. Eminent is returning to town on the 5.16.
Tuesday, March 1.
Letters in the third person are no longer signed unless the sender's signature is necessary for identification, or for some action on the part of the receiver, such as
Will Mr. Cash please give the bearer six yards of material to match the sample enclosed, and oblige,
Mrs. John H. Smith. [A][A] A note in 3rd person is the single occasion when a married woman signs "Mrs." before her name.
The Letter Of Recommendation
A letter of recommendation for membership to a club is addressed to the secretary and should be somewhat in this form:
To the Secretary of the Town Club.
My dear Mrs. Brown:
Mrs. Titherington Smith, whose name is posted for membership, is a very old and close friend of mine. She is the daughter of the late Rev. Samuel Eminent and is therefore a member in her own right, as well as by marriage, of representative New York families.
She is a person of much charm and distinction, and her many friends will agree with me, I am sure, in thinking that she would be a valuable addition to the club.
Very sincerely,Ethel Norman.
Recommendation Of Employees
Although the written recommendation that is given to the employee carries very little weight, compared to the slip from the employment agencies where either "yes" or "no" has to be answered to a list of specific and important questions, one is nevertheless put in a trying position when reporting on an unsatisfactory servant.
Either a poor reference must be given—possibly preventing a servant from earning her living—or one has to write what is not true. Consequently it has become the custom to say what one truthfully can of good, and leave out the qualifications that are bad (except in the case of a careless nurse, where evasion would border on the criminal).
That solves the poor recommendation problem pretty well; but unless one is very careful this consideration for the "poor" one, is paid for by the "good." In writing for a very worthy servant therefore, it is of the utmost importance in fairness to her (or him) to put in every merit that you can think of, remembering that omission implies demerit in each trait of character not mentioned. All good references should include honesty, sobriety, capability, and a reason, other than their unsatisfactoriness, for their leaving. The recommendation for a nurse can not be too conscientiously written.
A lady does not begin a recommendation: "To whom it may concern," nor "This is to certify," although housekeepers and head servants writing recommendations use both of these forms, and "third person" letters, are frequently written by secretaries.
A lady in giving a good reference should write:
Two Hundred Park Square.
Selma Johnson has lived with me for two years as cook.
I have found her honest, sober, industrious, neat in her person as well as her work, of amiable disposition and a very good cook.
She is leaving to my great regret because I am closing my house for the winter.
Selma is an excellent servant in every way and I shall be glad to answer personally any inquiries about her.
Josephine Smith.(Mrs. Titherington Smith)
October, 1921.
The form of all recommendations is the same:
...................... has lived with me ........ months/years as .......................
I have found him/her ....................... He/She is leaving because .......................
(Any special remark of added recommendation or showing interest)
...........................(Mrs. .................)
Date.
Letters Of Congratulation
Letter Of Congratulation On Engagement
Dear Mary:
While we are not altogether surprized, we are both delighted to hear the good news. Jim's family and ours are very close, as you know, and we have always been especially devoted to Jim. He is one of the finest—and now luckiest, of young men, and we send you both every good wish for all possible happiness.
Affectionately,Ethel Norman.
Just a line, dear Jim, to tell you how glad we all are to hear of your happiness. Mary is everything that is lovely and, of course, from our point of view, we don't think her exactly unfortunate either! Every good wish that imagination can think of goes to you from your old friends.
Ethel and Arthur Norman.
I can't tell you, dearest Mary, of all the wishes I send for your happiness. Give Jim my love and tell him how lucky I think he is, and how much I hope all good fortune will come to you both.
Lovingly,Aunt Kate.
Congratulation On Some Especial Success
My dear Mrs. Brown:
We have just heard of the honors that your son has won. How proud you must be of him! We are both so glad for him and for you. Please congratulate him for us, and believe me,
Very sincerely,Ethel Norman.
Or:
Dear Mrs. Brown:
We are so glad to hear the good news of David's success; it was a very splendid accomplishment and we are all so proud of him and of you. Please give him our love and congratulations, and with full measure of both to you,
Affectionately,Martha Kindhart.
Congratulating A Friend Appointed To High Office
Dear John:
We are overjoyed at the good news! For once the reward has fallen where it is deserved. Certainly no one is better fitted than yourself for a diplomat's life, and we know you will fill the position to the honor of your country. Please give my love to Alice, and with renewed congratulations to you from us both.
Yours always,Ethel Norman.
Another example:
Dear Michael:
We all rejoice with you in the confirmation of your appointment. The State needs just such men as you—if we had more of your sort the ordinary citizen would have less to worry about. Our best congratulations!
John Kindhart.
The Letter Of Condolence
Intimate letters of condolence are like love letters, in that they are too sacred to follow a set form. One rule, and one only, should guide you in writing such letters. Say what you truly feel. Say that and nothing else. Sit down at your desk, let your thoughts dwell on the person you are writing to.
Don't dwell on the details of illness or the manner of death; don't quote endlessly from the poets and Scriptures. Remember that eyes filmed with tears and an aching heart can not follow rhetorical lengths of writing. The more nearly a note can express a hand-clasp, a thought of sympathy, above all, a genuine love or appreciation of the one who has gone, the greater comfort it brings.
Write as simply as possible and let your heart speak as truly and as briefly as you can. Forget, if you can, that you are using written words, think merely how you feel—then put your feelings on paper—that is all.
Supposing it is a young mother who has died. You think how young and sweet she was—and of her little children, and, literally, your heart aches for them and her husband and her own family. Into your thoughts must come some expression of what she was, and what their loss must be!
Or maybe it is the death of a man who has left a place in the whole community that will be difficult, if not impossible, to fill, and you think of all he stood for that was fine and helpful to others, and how much and sorely he will be missed. Or suppose that you are a returned soldier, and it is a pal who has died. All you can think of is "Poor old Steve—what a peach he was! I don't think anything will ever be the same again without him." Say just that! Ask if there is anything you can do at any time to be of service to his people. There is nothing more to be said. A line, into which you have unconsciously put a little of the genuine feeling that you had for Steve, is worth pages of eloquence.
A letter of condolence may be abrupt, badly constructed, ungrammatical—never mind. Grace of expression counts for nothing; sincerity alone is of value. It is the expression, however clumsily put, of a personal something which was loved, and will ever be missed, that alone brings solace to those who are left. Your
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