Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗
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Examples Of Notes And Telegrams
As has been said above, a letter of condolence must above everything express a genuine sentiment. The few examples are inserted merely as suggestive guides for those at a loss to construct a short but appropriate note or telegram.
Conventional Note to an Acquaintance
I know how little the words of an outsider mean to you just now—but I must tell you how deeply I sympathize with you in your great loss.
Note or Telegram to a Friend
All my sympathy and all my thoughts are with you in your great sorrow. If I can be of any service to you, you know how grateful I shall be.
Telegram to a Very Near Relative or Friend
Words are so empty! If only I knew how to fill them with love and send them to you.
Or:
If love and thoughts could only help you, Margaret dear, you should have all the strength of both that I can give.
Letter Where Death Was Release
The letter to one whose loss is "for the best" is difficult in that you want to express sympathy but can not feel sad that one who has long suffered has found release. The expression of sympathy in this case should not be for the present death, but for the illness, or whatever it was that fell long ago. The grief for a paralysed mother is for the stroke which cut her down many years before, and your sympathy, though you may not have realized it, is for that. You might write:
Your sorrow during all these years—and now—is in my heart; and all my thoughts and sympathy are with you.
HOW TO ADDRESS IMPORTANT PERSONAGES
speaking, you say: Envelope addressed: Formal
beginning
of a letter: Informal
beginning: Formal
close: Informal
close: Correct titles in
introduction: The President Mr. President
And occasionally
throughout a
conversation, Sir. The President of the United States
or merely
The President,
Washington, D.C.
(There is only one "President") Sir: My dear Mr. President: I have the honor to remain,
Most respectfully yours,
or
I have the honor to remain, sir,
Your most obedient servant. I have the honor to remain,
Yours faithfully,
or
I am, dear Mr. President,
Yours faithfully. The President. The
Vice-President Mr. Vice-President
and then,
Sir. The Vice-President,
Washington, D.C. Sir: My dear Mr. Vice President: Same as for President. Believe me,
Yours faithfully. The Vice-President. Justice of Supreme
Court Mr. Justice The Hon. William H. Taft,
Chief Justice of the Supreme Court,
Washington, D.C. Sir: Dear Mr. Justice Taft: Believe me,
Yours very truly,
or
I have the honor to remain,
Yours very truly. Believe me,
Yours faithfully. The Chief Justice
or,
if an Associate Justice,
Mr. Justice Holmes. Member of the
President's
Cabinet Mr. Secretary The Secretary of Commerce,
Washington, D.C.
or:
The Hon. Herbert Hoover,
Secretary of Commerce,
Washington, D.C. Dear Sir:
or
Sir: My dear Mr. Secretary: Same as above. Same as above. The Secretary of
Commerce. United States
(or State)
Senator Senator Lodge Senator Henry Cabot Lodge,
Washington, D.C.
or a private letter:
Senator Henry Cabot Lodge,
(His house address) Dear Sir:
or
Sir: Dear Senator Lodge: Same as above. Same as above. Senator Lodge.
On very formal
and unusual occasions,
Senator Lodge of
Massachusetts. Member of
Congress
(or Legislature) Mr. Bell
or, you may say
Congressman The Hon. H.C. Bell, Jr.,
House of Representatives,
Washington, D.C.
or: State Assembly,
Albany,
New York. Dear Sir:
or
Sir: Dear Mr. Bell:
or
Dear Congressman: Believe me,
Yours very truly. Yours faithfully. Mr. Bell. Governor Governor Miller
(The Governor is
not called
Excellency when
spoken to and
very rarely when
he is announced.
But letters are
addressed and begun
with this title
of courtesy.) His Excellency, The Governor,
Albany,
New York. Your
Excellency: Dear Governor Miller: I have the honor to remain,
Yours faithfully. Believe me,
Yours faithfully. The Governor
(in his own state)
or, (out of it,)
The Governor of Michigan. Mayor Mr. Mayor His Honor the Mayor,
City Hall,
Chicago. Dear Sir:
or
Sir: Dear Mayor Rolph: Believe me,
Very truly yours. Yours faithfully. Mayor Rolph. Cardinal Your Eminence His Eminence
John Cardinal Gibbons,
Baltimore,
Md. Your
Eminence: Your Eminence: I have the honor to remain,
Your Eminence's
humble servant. Your Eminence's humble servant. His Eminence. Roman Catholic
Archbishop
(There is no
Protestant
Archbishop in
the United
States) Your Grace The Most Reverend
Michael Corrigan,
Archbishop of New York. Most
Reverend
and
dear Sir: Most Reverend
and Dear Sir: I have the honor to remain,
Your humble servant, Same as formal close. The Most Reverend
The Archbishop. Bishop
(Whether
Roman Catholic
or Protestant.) Bishop Manning To the Right Reverend
William T. Manning,
Bishop of New York. Most
Reverend
and
dear Sir: My Dear Bishop
Manning: I have the honor to remain,
Your obedient servant,
or,
to remain,
Respectfully yours, Faithfully yours. Bishop Manning. Priest Father
or
Father Duffy The Rev. Michael Duffy. Reverend
and
dear Sir: Dear Father Duffy: I beg to remain,
Yours faithfully, Faithfully yours. Father Duffy. Protestant
Clergyman Mr. Saintly
(If he is D.D. or
LL.D., you call him
Dr. Saintly.) The Rev. Geo. Saintly.
(If you do not know his
first name, write
The Rev. ... Saintly.
rather than
the Rev. Mr. Saintly) Sir:
or
My dear Sir: Dear Dr. Saintly:
(or Dear Mr. Saintly
if he is not a D.D.) Same as above, Faithfully yours,
or
Sincerely yours, Dr. (or Mr.) Saintly Rabbi Rabbi Wise
(If he is D.D. or
LL.D., he is called
Dr. Wise) Dr. Stephen Wise,
or Rabbi Stephen Wise,
or Rev. Stephen Wise. Dear Sir: Dear Dr. Wise: I beg to remain,
Yours sincerely, Yours sincerely, Rabbi Wise. Ambassador Your Excellency
or
Mr. Ambassador His Excellency
The American Ambassador,[B]
American Embassy,
London. Your
Excellency: Dear Mr. Ambassador: I have the honor to remain,
Yours faithfully,
or,
Yours very truly,
or,
Yours respectfully.
or very formally:
I have the honor to remain, sir,
your obedient servant. Yours faithfully, The American Ambassador. Minister
Plenipotentiary In English he is
usually called "Mr.
Prince," though it
is not incorrect to
call him "Mr.
Minister." The title
"Excellency" is also
occasionally used in
courtesy, though it
does not belong to
him. In French he is
always called
Monsieur le
Ministre The Hon. J.D. Prince,
American Legation,
Copenhagen,
or (more courteously)
His Excellency,
The American Minister,
Copenhagen,
Denmark Sir:
is correct but,
Your
Excellency:
is sometimes
used in
courtesy. Dear Mr. Minister:
or
Dear Mr. Prince: Same as above. Yours faithfully, Mr. Prince, the
American Minister,
or merely,
The American Minister
as everyone is supposed
to know his name
or find it out. Consul Mr. Smith If he has held office as
assemblyman or commissioner,
so that he has the
right to the title of
"Honorable" is addressed:
The Hon. John Smith,
otherwise:
John Smith, Esq.,
American Consul,
Rue Quelque Chose,
Paris. Sir:
or
My dear Sir: Dear Mr. Smith: I beg to remain,
Yours very truly. Faithfully, Mr. Smith
[B] Although our Ambassadors and Ministers represent the United States of America, it is customary both in Europe and Asia to omit the words United States and write to and speak of the American Embassy and Legation. In addressing a letter to one of our representatives in countries of the Western Hemisphere, "The United States of America" is always specified by way of courtesy to the Americans of South America.
Foreign persons of title are not included in the foregoing diagram because an American (unless in the Diplomatic Service) would be unlikely to address any but personal friends, to whom he would write as to any others. An envelope would be addressed in the language of the person written to: "His Grace, the Duke of Overthere (or merely The Duke of Overthere), Hyde Park, London"; "Mme. la Princess d'Acacia, Ave. du Bois, Paris"; "Il Principe di Capri, Cusano sul Seveso"; "Lady Alwin, Cragmere, Scotland," etc. The letter would begin, Dear Duke of Overthere (or Dear Duke), Dear Princess, Dear Countess Aix, Dear Lady Alwin, Dear Sir Hubert, etc., and close, "Sincerely," "Faithfully," or "Affectionately," as the case might be.
Should an American have occasion to write to Royalty he would begin: "Madam" (or Sir), and end: "I have the honor to remain, madam (or Sir), your most obedient." ("Your most obedient servant" is a signature reserved usually for our own President—or Vice-President.)
ToC
LONGER LETTERSThe art of general letter-writing in the present day is shrinking until the letter threatens to become a telegram, a telephone message, a post-card. Since the events of the day are transmitted in newspapers with far greater accuracy, detail, and dispatch than they could be by the single effort of even Voltaire himself, the circulation of general news, which formed the chief reason for letters of the stage-coach and sailing-vessel days, has no part in the correspondence of to-day.
Taking the contents of an average mail bag as sorted in a United States post-office, about fifty per cent. is probably advertisement or appeal, forty per cent. business, and scarcely ten per cent. personal letters and invitations. Of course, love letters are probably as numerous as need be, though the long distance telephone must have lowered the average of these, too. Young girls write to each other, no doubt, much as they did in olden times, and letters between young girls and young men flourish to-day like unpulled weeds in a garden where weeds were formerly never allowed to grow.
It is the letter from the friend in this city to the friend in that, or from the traveling relative to the relative at home, that is gradually dwindling. As for the letter which younger relatives dutifully used to write—it has gone already with old-fashioned grace of speech and deportment.
Still, people do write letters in this day and there are some who possess the divinely flexible gift for a fresh turn of phrase, for delightful keenness of observation. It may be, too, that in other days the average writing was no better than the average of to-day. It is naturally the letters of those who had unusual gifts which have been preserved all these years, for the failures of a generation are made to die with it, and only its successes survive.
The difference though, between letter-writers of the past and of the present, is that in other days they all tried to write, and to express themselves the very best they knew how—to-day people don't care a bit whether they write well or ill. Mental effort is one thing that the younger generation of the "smart world" seems to consider it unreasonable to ask—and just as it is the fashion to let their spines droop until they suggest nothing so much as Tenniel's drawing in Alice in Wonderland of the caterpillar sitting on the toad-stool—so do they let their mental faculties relax, slump and atrophy.
To such as these, to whom effort is an insurmountable task, it might be just as well to say frankly: If you have a mind that is entirely bromidic, if you are lacking in humor, all power of observation, and facility for expression, you had best join the ever-growing class of people who frankly confess, "I can't write letters to save my life!" and confine your literary efforts to picture post-cards with the engaging captions "X is my room," or "Beautiful weather, wish you were here."
It is not at all certain that your friends and family would not rather have frequent post-cards than occasional letters all too obviously displaying the meagerness of their messages in halting orthography.
Beginning A Letter
For most people the difficulty in letter-writing is in the beginning and the close. Once they are started, the middle goes smoothly enough, until they face the difficulty of the end. The direction of the Professor of English to "Begin at the beginning of what you have to say, and go on until you have finished, and then stop," is very like a celebrated artist's direction for painting: "You simply take a little of the right color paint and put it on the right spot."
How Not To Begin
Even one who "loves the very sight of your handwriting," could not possibly find any pleasure in a letter beginning:
"I have been meaning to write you for a long time but haven't had a minute to spare."
Or:
"I suppose you have been thinking me very neglectful, but you know how I hate to write letters."
Or:
"I know I ought to have answered your letter sooner, but I haven't had a thing to write about."
The above sentences are written time and again by persons who are utterly unconscious that they are not expressing a friendly or loving thought. If one of your friends were to walk into the room, and you were to receive him
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