Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗
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Sally.
Dear Mrs. Norman:
Thank you ever so much for the lovely afghan you sent the baby. It is by far the prettiest one he has; it is so soft and close—he doesn't get his fingers tangled in it.
Do come in and see him, won't you? We are both allowed visitors (especial ones) every day between 4 and 5.30!
Affectionately always,Lucy.
The Bread And Butter Letter
When you have been staying over Sunday, or for longer, in some one's house, it is absolutely necessary that you write a letter of thanks to your hostess within a few days after the visit.
"Bread and butter letters," as they are called, are the stumbling-blocks of visitors. Why they are so difficult for nearly every one is hard to determine, unless it is that they are often written to persons with whom you are on formal terms, and the letter should be somewhat informal in tone. Very likely you have been visiting a friend, and must write to her mother, whom you scarcely know; perhaps you have been included in a large and rather formal house party and the hostess is an acquaintance rather than a friend; or perhaps you are a bride and have been on a first visit to relatives or old friends of your husband's, but strangers, until now, to you.
As an example of the first, where you have been visiting a girl friend and must write a letter to her mother, you begin "Dear Mrs. Town" at the top of a page, and nothing in the forbidding memory of Mrs. Town encourages you to go further. It would be easy enough to write to Pauline, the daughter. Very well, write to Pauline then—on an odd piece of paper, in pencil, what a good time you had, how nice it was to be with her. Then copy your note composed to Pauline off on the page beginning "Dear Mrs. Town." You have only to add, "love to Pauline, and thanking you again for asking me," sign it "Very sincerely," and there you are!
Don't be afraid that your note is too informal; older people are always pleased with any expressions from the young that seem friendly and spontaneous. Never think, because you can not easily write a letter, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note that can be imagined is better than none—for to write none is the depth of rudeness, whereas the awkward note merely fails to delight.
EXAMPLES
From a Young Woman to a Formal Hostess After a House Party
Dear Mrs. Norman:
I don't know when I ever had such a good time as I did at Broadlawns. Thank you a thousand times for asking me. As it happened, the first persons I saw on Monday at the Towns' dinner were Celia and Donald. We immediately had a threesome conversation on the wonderful time we all had over Sunday.
Thanking you again for your kindness to me,
Very sincerely yours,Grace Smalltalk.
To a Formal Hostess After an Especially Amusing Week-End
Dear Mrs. Worldly:
Every moment at Great Estates was a perfect delight! I am afraid my work at the office this morning was down to zero in efficiency; so perhaps it is just as well, if I am to keep my job, that the average week-end in the country is different—very. Thank you all the same, for the wonderful time you gave us all, and believe me
Faithfully yours,Frederick Bachelor.
Dear Mrs. Worldly:
Every time I come from Great Estates, I realize again that there is no house to which I always go with so much pleasure, and leave on Monday morning with so much regret.
Your party over this last week-end was simply wonderful! And thank you ever so much for having included me.
Always sincerely,Constance Style.
From a Young Couple
Dear Mrs. Town:
We had a perfect time at Tuxedo over Sunday and it was so good of you to include us. Jack says he is going to practise putting the way Mr. Town showed him, and maybe the next time he plays in a foursome he won't be such a handicap to his partner.
Thanking you both for the pleasure you gave us,
Affectionately yours,Sally Titherington Littlehouse
From a Bride to Her New Relatives-in-Law
A letter that was written by a bride after paying a first visit to her husband's aunt and uncle won for her at a stroke the love of the whole family.
This is the letter:
Dear "Aunt Annie":
Now that it is all over, I have a confession to make! Do you know that when Dick drove me up to your front door and I saw you and Uncle Bob standing on the top step—I was simply paralyzed with fright!
"Suppose they don't like me," was all that I could think. Of course, I knew you loved Dick—but that only made it worse. How awful, if you couldn't like me! The reason I stumbled coming up the steps was because my knees were actually knocking together! You remember, Uncle Bob sang out it was good I was already married, or I wouldn't be this year? And then—you were both so perfectly adorable to me—and you made me feel as though I had always been your niece—and not just the wife of your nephew.
I loved every minute of our being with you, dear Aunt Annie, just as much as Dick did, and we hope you are going to let us come soon again.
With best love from us both,
Your affectionate niece,Helen.
The above type of letter would not serve perhaps if Dick's aunt had been a forbidding and austere type of woman; but even such a one would be far more apt to take a new niece to her heart if the new niece herself gave evidence of having one.
After Visiting a Friend
Dear Kate:
It was hideously dull and stuffy in town this morning after the fresh coolness of Strandholm. The back yard is not an alluring outlook after the wide spaces and delicious fragrance of your garden.
It was good being with you and I enjoyed every moment. Don't forget you are lunching here on the 16th and that we are going to hear Kreisler together.
Devotedly always,Caroline.
From a Man Who Has Been Ill and Convalescing at a Friend's House
Dear Martha:
I certainly hated taking that train this morning and realizing that the end had come to my peaceful days. You and John and the children, and your place, which is the essence of all that a "home" ought to be, have put me on my feet again. I thank you much—much more than I can say for the wonderful goodness of all of you.
Fred.From a Woman Who Has Been Visiting a Very Old Friend
I loved my visit with you, dear Mary; it was more than good to be with you and have a chance for long talks at your fireside. Don't forget your promise to come here in May! I told Sam and Hettie you were coming, and now the whole town is ringing with the news, and every one is planning a party for you.
David sends "his best" to you and Charlie, and you know you always have the love of
Your devotedPat.
To an Acquaintance
After a visit to a formal acquaintance or when some one has shown you especial hospitality in a city where you are a stranger:
My dear Mrs. Duluth:
It was more than good of you to give my husband and me so much pleasure. We enjoyed, and appreciated, all your kindness to us more than we can say.
We hope that you and Mr. Duluth may be coming East before long and that we may then have the pleasure of seeing you at Strandholm.
In the meanwhile, thanking you for your generous hospitality, and with kindest regards to you both, in which my husband joins, believe me,
Very sincerely yours,Katherine de Puyster Eminent.
An Engraved Card Of Thanks
An engraved card of thanks is proper only when sent by a public official to acknowledge the overwhelming number of congratulatory messages he must inevitably receive from strangers, when he has carried an election or otherwise been honored with the confidence of his State or country. A recent and excellent example follows:
Executive Mansion
My dear....
I warmly appreciate your kind message of congratulation which has given me a great deal of pleasure, and sincerely wish that it were possible for me to acknowledge it in a less formal manner.
Faithfully,(signed by hand)
An engraved form of thanks for sympathy, also from one in public life, is presented in the following example:
Mr. John Smith
wishes to express his deep gratitude
and to thank you
for your kind expression of sympathy
But remember: an engraved card sent by a private individual to a personal friend, is not "stylish" or smart, but rude. (See also engraved acknowledgment of sympathy, pages 406-7.)
The Letter Of Introduction
A letter of business introduction can be much more freely given than a letter of social introduction. For the former it is necessary merely that the persons introduced have business interests in common—which are much more easily determined than social compatibility, which is the requisite necessary for the latter. It is, of course, proper to give your personal representative a letter of introduction to whomever you send him.
On the subject of letters of social introduction there is one chief rule:
Never ask for letters of introduction, and be very sparing in your offers to write or accept them.
Seemingly few persons realize that a letter of social introduction is actually a draft for payment on demand. The form might as well be: "The bearer of this has (because of it) the right to demand your interest, your time, your hospitality—liberally and at once, no matter what your inclination may be."
Therefore, it is far better to refuse in the beginning, than to hedge and end by committing the greater error of unwarrantedly inconveniencing a valued friend or acquaintance.
When you have a friend who is going to a city where you have other friends, and you believe that it will be a mutual pleasure for them to meet, a letter of introduction is proper and very easy to write, but sent to a casual acquaintance—no matter how attractive or distinguished the person to be introduced—it is a gross presumption.
The More Formal Note Of Introduction
Dear Mrs. Marks:
Julian Gibbs is going to Buffalo on January tenth to deliver a lecture on his Polar expedition, and I am sending him a card of introduction to you. He is very agreeable personally, and I think that perhaps you and Mr. Marks will enjoy meeting him as much as I know he would enjoy knowing you.
With kindest regards, in which Arthur joins,
Very sincerely,Ethel Norman.
If Mr. Norman were introducing one man to another he would give his card to the former, inscribed as follows:
Introducing Julian Gibbs
Mr. Arthur Lees Norman
Broadlawns
Also Mr. Norman would send a private letter by mail, telling his friend that Mr. Gibbs is coming, as follows:
Dear Marks:
I am giving Julian Gibbs a card of introduction to you when he goes to Buffalo on the tenth to lecture. He is an entertaining and very decent fellow, and I think possibly Mrs. Marks would enjoy meeting him. If you can conveniently ask him to your house, I know he would appreciate it; if not, perhaps you will put him up for a day or two at a club.
Faithfully,
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