Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗
- Author: Emily Post
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Never under any circumstances address a social letter or note to a married woman, even if she is a widow, as Mrs. Mary Town. A widow is still Mrs. James Town. If her son's wife should have the same name, she becomes Mrs. James Town, Sr., or simply Mrs. Town.
A divorced woman, if she was the innocent person, retains the right if she chooses, to call herself Mrs. John Brown Smith, but usually she prefers to take her own surname. Supposing her to have been Mary Simpson, she calls herself Mrs. Simpson Smith. If a lady is the wife or widow of "the head of a family" she may call herself Mrs. Smith, even on visiting cards and invitations.
The eldest daughter is Miss Smith; her younger sister, Miss Jane Smith.
Invitations to children are addressed, Miss Katherine Smith and Master Robert Smith.
Do not write "The Messrs. Brown" in addressing a father and son. "The Messrs. Brown" is correct only for unmarried brothers.
Although one occasionally sees an envelope addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Jones," and "Miss Jones" written underneath the names of her parents, it is better form to send a separate invitation addressed to Miss Jones alone. A wedding invitation addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family is not in good taste. Even if the Jones children are young, the Misses Jones should receive a separate envelope, and so should Master Jones.
One Last Remark
Write the name and address on the envelope as precisely and as legibly as you can. The post-office has enough to do in deciphering the letters of the illiterate, without being asked to do unnecessary work for you!
Business Letters
Business letters written by a private individual differ very little from those sent out from a business house. A lady never says "Yours of the 6th received and contents noted," or "Yours to hand," nor does she address the firm as "Gentlemen," nor does she ever sign herself "Respectfully." A business letter should be as brief and explicit as possible. For example:
Tuxedo Park
New York
May 17, 1922
I. Paint & Co.,
22 Branch St.,
New York.
Dear Sirs:
Your estimate for painting my dining-room, library, south bedroom, and dressing-room is satisfactory, and you may proceed with the work as soon as possible.
I find, on the other hand, that wainscoting the hall comes to more than I had anticipated, and I have decided to leave it as it is for the present.
Very truly yours,C.R. Town.
(Mrs. James Town)
The Social Note
There should be no more difficulty in writing a social note than in writing a business letter; each has a specific message for its sole object and the principle of construction is the same:
* Date
Address (on business letter only)Salutation:
The statement of whatever is the purpose of the note.
Complimentary close,
Signature.
* Or date here
The difference in form between a business and a social note is that the full name and address of the person written to is never put in the latter, better quality stationery is used, and the salutation is "My dear——" or "Dear ——" instead of "Dear Sir:"
Example:
350 Park Avenue
Dear Mrs. Robinson:
I am enclosing the list I promised you—Luberge makes the most beautiful things. Mower, the dressmaker, has for years made clothes for me, and I think Revaud the best milliner in Paris. Leonie is a "little milliner" who often has pretty blouses as well as hats and is very reasonable.
I do hope the addresses will be of some use to you, and that you will have a delightful trip,
Very sincerely,Martha Kindhart.
Thursday.
The Note Of Apology
Examples:
I
Broadlawns
Dear Mrs. Town:
I do deeply apologize for my seeming rudeness in having to send the message about Monday night.
When I accepted your invitation, I stupidly forgot entirely that Monday was a holiday and that all of my own guests, naturally, were not leaving until Tuesday morning, and Arthur and I could not therefore go out by ourselves and leave them!
We were too disappointed and hope that you know how sorry we were not to be with you.
Very sincerely,Ethel Norman.
Tuesday morning.
II
Dear Mrs. Neighbor:
My gardener has just told me that our chickens got into your flower beds, and did a great deal of damage.
The chicken netting is being built higher at this moment and they will not be able to damage anything again. I shall, of course, send Patrick to put in shrubs to replace those broken, although I know that ones newly planted cannot compensate for those you have lost, and I can only ask you to accept my contrite apologies.
Always sincerely yours,Katherine de Puyster Eminent.
Letters Of Thanks
In the following examples of letters intimate and from young persons, such profuse expressions as "divine," "awfully," "petrified," "too sweet," "too wonderful," are purposely inserted, because to change all of the above enthusiasms into "pleased with," "very," "feared," "most kind," would be to change the vitality of the "real" letters into smug and self-conscious utterances at variance with anything ever written by young men and women of to-day. Even the letters of older persons, although they are more restrained than those of youth, avoid anything suggesting pedantry and affectation.
Do not from this suppose that well-bred people write badly! On the contrary, perfect simplicity and freedom from self-consciousness are possible only to those who have acquired at least some degree of cultivation. For flagrant examples of pretentiousness (which is the infallible sign of lack of breeding), see page 61. For simplicity of expression, such as is unattainable to the rest of us, but which we can at least strive to emulate, read first the Bible; then at random one might suggest such authors as Robert Louis Stevenson, E.S. Martin, Agnes Repplier, John Galsworthy and Max Beerbohm. E.V. Lucas has written two novels in letter form—which illustrate the best type of present day letter-writing.
Letters Of Thanks For Wedding Presents
Although all wedding presents belong to the bride, she generally words her letters of thanks as though they belonged equally to the groom, especially if they have been sent by particular friends of his.
To Intimate Friends of the Groom
Dear Mrs. Norman:
To think of your sending us all this wonderful glass! It is simply, divine, and Jim and I both thank you a thousand times!
The presents are, of course, to be shown on the day of the wedding, but do come in on Tuesday at tea time for an earlier view.
Thanking you again, and with love from us both,
Affectionately,Mary.
Formal
I
Dear Mrs. Gilding:
It was more than sweet of you and Mr. Gilding to send us such a lovely clock. Thank you, very, very much.
Looking forward to seeing you on the tenth,
Very sincerely,Mary Smith.
Sometimes, as in the two examples above, thanks to the husband are definitely expressed in writing to the wife. Usually, however, "you" is understood to mean "you both."
II
Dear Mrs. Worldly:
All my life I have wanted a piece of jade, but in my wanting I have never imagined one quite so beautiful as the one you have sent me. It was wonderfully sweet of you and I thank you more than I can tell you for the pleasure you have given me.
Affectionately,Mary Smith.
III.
Dear Mrs. Eminent:
Thank you for these wonderful prints. They go too beautifully with some old English ones that Jim's uncle sent us, and our dining-room will be quite perfect—as to walls!
Hoping that you are surely coming to the wedding,
Very sincerely,Mary Smith.
To a Friend Who Is in Deep Mourning
Dear Susan:
With all you have on your heart just now, it was so sweet and thoughtful of you to go out and buy me a present, and such a beautiful one! I love it—and your thought of me in sending it—and I thank you more than I can tell you.
Devotedly,Mary.
Very Intimate
Dear Aunt Kate:
Really you are too generous—it is outrageous of you—but, of course, it is the most beautiful bracelet! And I am so excited oven it, I hardly know what I am doing. You are too good to me and you spoil me, but I do love you, and it, and thank you with all my heart.
Mary.Intimate
Dear Mrs. Neighbor:
The tea cloth is perfectly exquisite! I have never seen such beautiful work! I appreciate your lovely gift more than I can tell you, both for its own sake and for your kindness in making it for me.
Don't forget, you are coming in on Tuesday afternoon to see the presents.
Lovingly,Mary.
Sometimes pushing people send presents, when they are not asked to the wedding, in the hope of an invitation. Sometimes others send presents, when they are not asked, merely through kindly feeling toward a young couple on the threshold of life. It ought not to be difficult to distinguish between the two.
I
My Dear Mrs. Upstart:
Thank you for the very handsome candlesticks you sent us. They were a great surprize, but it was more than kind of you to think of us.
Very sincerely,Mary Smith.
II
Dear Mrs. Kindly:
I can't tell you how sweet I think it of you to send us such a lovely present, and Jim and I both hope that when we are in our own home, you will see them often at our table.
Thanking you many times for your thought of us,
Very sincerely,Mary Smith.
For a Present Sent After the Wedding
Dear Mrs. Chatterton:
The mirror you sent us is going over our drawing-room mantel just as soon as we can hang it up! It is exactly what we most needed and we both thank you ever so much.
Please come in soon to see how becoming it will be to the room.
Yours affectionately,Mary Smith Smartlington.
Thanks For Christmas Or Other Presents
Dear Lucy:
I really think it was adorable of you to have a chair like yours made for me. It was worth adding a year to my age for such a nice birthday present. Jack says I am never going to have a chance to sit in it, however, if he gets there first, and even the children look at it with longing. At all events, I am perfectly enchanted with it, and thank you ever and ever so much.
Affectionately,Sally.
Dear Uncle Arthur:
I know I oughtn't to have opened it until Christmas, but I couldn't resist the look of the package, and then putting it on at once! So I am all dressed up in your beautiful chain. It is one of the loveliest things I have ever seen and I certainly am lucky to have it given to me I Thank you a thousand—and then more—times for it.
Rosalie.Dear Kate:
I am fascinated with my utility box—it is too beguiling for words! You are the cleverest one anyway for finding what no one else can—and every one wants. I don't know how you do it! And you certainly were sweet to think of me. Thank you, dear.
Ethel.Thanks For Present To A Baby
Dear Mrs. Kindhart:
Of course it would be! Because no one else can sew like you!
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