Chasing Away the Demons, Kayla Stiles [book club books .TXT] 📗

One Day...

One Day…

5/14/12

Her eyes are like emeralds,
Her fur like fine silk.
Her meow is like a professional,
Her soul shining like a diamond.
She is the most beautiful thing
To ever walk this earth.
She’s a goddess among peasants.
Her joy and happiness can be
Transferred to those surrounding her.
She’s such a happy spirit.
She plays and runs around,
She almost leaps for joy.
She is my one true accomplishment.
But now that achievement is gone.
You see, Gadget died just yesterday.
She went from being this
Happy-go-lucky, fun-loving cat,
To being a depressed, dying angel,
All within the space of 3 days.
She left this world without even saying goodbye,
And now she’s all alone,
Wherever she may be now.
But one day, I’ll see her again.
One day, we will be reunited.
And neither of us will be suffering anymore.
We can frolic in fields of green again.
We can be happy, once again together. One day…

Promises are Meant to Be Broken

Promises Are Meant To Be Broken

5/1/12

You once told me
That you loved me too much to ever
Be angry with me, or leave.
But now you frequently want to leave.
I know it’s my fault,
For I pick all the fights
Due to my distrust in drugs.
I was raised that they were all bad,
Natural or not.
I was raised, watching my loved ones change
Due to drug use.
I hate that all I do is fight with you
On such a stupid subject.
I’d much rather argue only with much more
Reasonably large subjects.
I guess I’m just like a little pathetic school girl,
Terrified that you’re going to change
Far beyond my reach and that I will lose you.
If I lose you, Zar,
I won’t be able to live with myself,
Knowing that I will have been the reason
For your departure.
You’re the only one who can make me feel
Like I truly am beautiful, inside and out.
I know I argue with you and tell you I’m a monster.
But it’s because I know that I can be beautiful,
It’s just hard to accept that fact
When I’ve always been told that I’m ugly.
I grew to believe what people said about me,
And I grew to blame myself for
Everything that has happened in my life.
I call myself stupid because I am.
I smoke something that I hate, something that’ll kill me,
And that makes me stupid.
I call myself ugly,
Because it’s harder to accept that I’m pretty.
It’s easier for me to believe that I’m ugly and unwanted,
Than it is to believe that I’m loved and beautiful.
It’s so much easier for me to believe
All the bad things I say about myself,
Than to accept that I’m a good person.
I try to be there for my friends and all,
So that I can make up for my past,
Make up for my flaws and mistakes.
I try to believe that I truly am beautiful
And amazing. But it’s so hard when I see
The way I treat others.
The way I treat my friends, my family,
Your friends, even you my love.
I see these actions that I don’t like,
And I hate it.
It makes me hate who I am.
I’m trying to make myself believe
That I’m beautiful,
That I’m so amazing,
Not for my friends and family,
Not even for myself.
I’m trying for you my dearest
Guardian angel.
You mean the whole world to me,
And if I lose you,
I lose my will to keep fighting and trying in life.
If I lose you, I will become a walking zombie.
The only thing I would feel would be depression.
I’d be crushed.
Please cuddle bear.
I’m doing my best to try to change for you,
To become better and just believe
In your beliefs in myself…
To just believe in you.
I’ve been so dependent on myself for so long,
I can’t do that anymore.
I need you to love me, to keep me close
And never, ever let me go.
Please tell me you can do that.
Please tell me you can be my savior again.
That you can be the one to keep me safe
And keep me beautiful.
I love you.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

10/11/11

Roses are red,
There’s love in our bed.
Violets are blue,
In our hearts too.
The trees are all green,
You’re always so serene,
Lilies are white,
When I’m in your sight.
Carnations are pink.
You’re one great big tall drink,
Daffodils are yellow.
Of love shots and jello.
You always come bouncing right back to me,
In my eyes, you’re all that I see.
I beseech you to never leave me,
Though I really don’t have to, you’re mine,
And I’m yours, forever and all time.
You always hold me just tight enough.
You never tell me you’ve had enough
Of me. You’re always there when I need you,
I know I can forever count on you,
My one best friend, my love, my life.
I know you’ll always be there for me, your wife.
Your voice, it’s soft like the ocean.
Your eyes, so kind and full of devotion.
I never lose faith or trust in you,
Because I know you’ll stay by me, won’t you?
You will forever be perfect in my eyes,
No matter what you say or do, no matter any lies.
You are perfect to me, as I am perfect to you.
I love you my dearest guardian angel.
And I know you love me too.
*MUAH*

The Sleeping Princess

The Sleeping Princess

5/21/12

Nobody listens,
Nobody cares.
I could talk until I’m winded,
I could give advice until I die.
It wouldn’t matter to other people.
Nobody wants to hear the “unimportant ramblings”
Of a crazy old hag.
No matter how helpful the advice,
No one wants to hear me out.
I’m just another face in the crowd,
A soft voice on the wind.
Not even the love of my life
Wants to hear what I have to say.
He’d rather cover it all up,
Remain hidden in his cocoon of self-hatred.
How can you care for someone else,
If you have not yet first learned
To care about yourself?
How can someone so sweet and innocent
Change so drastically into something so hard-hearted and guilty?
How can the love of your life
Suddenly become the one you most fear?
(the one whom causes you the most angst?)
How is it possible for life to so easily
Take something so beautiful
And turn it into something so feared?
How can Life dare to give someone
So broken and damaged as I
Something so beautiful and whole as he?
How can Life dare to do this
Dastardly deed,
Then turn around and take it all away?
Why is there no color left in my world?
Is there really no beauty left
In this hideous place?
Is there really no more warmth left
To warm this cold world?
Is there no kindness, no respect,
No love left over
To heal these horrendous scars and wounds?
I feel your soft flesh
Against mine own,
I miss your gentle touch.
I feel the warmth in your hugs
And your kisses.
How can they be so cold now?
I feel the comfort of your body
Clasped tight against mine,
Of your hand stroking down my back.
Am I really no longer allowed
To such sweet bliss as this?
Am I really not allowed
To the hint of a peaceful feeling inside?
Am I to live the life of a stone,
Cold and drab and lifeless?
Am I to breathe the breath of the walking dead;
Icy and unbreathing?
Or will I one day once again
Play the role of the Sleeping Princess?
Awaiting for my sweet prince to arrive
And awaken me from my deep slumber.
Or do I already play that role,
Awaiting in lonely silence for my love
To himself awaken and in turn
Come to my dark corner?
Quietly awaiting my prince
To come and save me from myself.
For I cannot save myself,
Just as I could not, and cannot, save you.
It is up to you if you were to be saved.
Yet I know you will not make that “dreaded” decision
And so I shall lay in wait,
Sprawled out on my stone slab of a bed,
Longingly awaiting the day you open your eyes
And heart to me. Awaiting the day you
Truly see me and want me to live.
I lay on this tombstone, in this crypt,
Just waiting for the day
You reawaken your senses, the day you
Come back to rescue me and take me to protect me forever.