Intimacy with GOD, Esher Shoshannah [red queen free ebook .txt] 📗

Her friends were in tears seeing the enormous spiritual and emotional pain engulfing her. "Can you believe that?"

"It would have meant that none of you could have had fellowship with Him. You know I would never want that. Then there was this awful silence. He quietly stood there waiting with longing eyes. In my stubbornness I refused to look at Him anymore. He left so hurt. If I had only said 'yes' I would be serving with Him. It's all over! How can He love me now? To think I did that to Him, the One who was always kind, caring, and never had a harsh word for me! Oh the pain of my heart! I must have been insane!"

Her friends gathered 'round to lay hands on her and pray. She told them, "It won't do any good. Nothing can change the enormity of my sin. There is no way He can forgive me. If I were in His shoes I know I wouldn't forgive."

One of the virgins interrupted, "Stop it and just listen to me! Maybe you wouldn't forgive but apparently you don't know the Beloved's heart or you wouldn't say these things. With all the love He has shared with you, do you think for one moment He is through with you?"

A glimmer of hope returned to her eyes as she listened. "Do you not remember when we were in His chamber and He told us that nothing could separate us from His love? That included trouble, hardship, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger and sword. Don't you remember, He even went further and said that neither death nor life, angels nor demons, the present nor the future, nor any power, height nor depth, nor anything else could separate us from the wonderful love of our God in our Beloved King" (Rom. 8:35-39)?"

“Not only that, He said He loved us with an everlasting love" (Jer. 31:3). "Yes, what you did was terrible! But He is bigger than your sin. You were the Father’s gift to Him (John 10:29), do you think He would insult His Father and discard His precious gift?"

It seemed to help a little. They each prayed for her and hugged her. As they were about to leave, one of them spoke a word over her, "Seek Him dear bride and wonderful friend, seek Him! Did He not tell us that if we would only seek we would find? You know how He always keeps His promises. Don't ever give up! We are with you! Learn a valuable lesson from all of this. Let me say it again, seek Him! Seek! Seek! Seek! Don't give up! He will be found by you." She responded to all their love, "Keep praying for me dear sisters! I love you so much. Thank you for so deeply caring."

Time passes and she is told that the King had secretly returned to town. She waited and waited, but no call, no note, nothing! The anguish intensified. Guilt ridden, accusing thoughts raced through her mind continually. The dear Holy Spirit kept reminding her of what the virgins had advised - seek Him! The enemy continued planting deadly questions in her thought life, "What are you going to say to Him when you find Him? And you probably won't find Him anyway. What will you say to explain away how terrible you are? Come on it's hopeless. Don't you know He must hate you by now? Forget it. Give up!" With what little spiritual strength was left, she just spoke these words, "Jesus, I love You, I miss You, if there is any way You can be found help me." For the moment the attacks ceased.

Why did the Beloved not come seeking her? He did it in salvation (Luke 19:10) but this was different. He wanted to give time for the Holy Spirit to impress on her heart just how essential the surrendered relationship is. He is giving her time to reflect on all the glorious moments of joy they had together. As the gross darkness of emptiness enshrouded her soul, the memories of His love, joy, peace, kindness, patience, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness she had continually experienced before, now sent a painful arrow of loss to her heart. She had taken Him for granted and had forgotten the greatness and power of His intimate fellowship. Days turn into weeks. A faint memory of the words, "Seek Him!" pierce through her hopeless despair. That was the needed answer.

 

V.1 "By night on my bed I sought him who my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not."

Oh, if only we could learn the lesson of faith and simply trust the words of our Beloved Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus. We would keep our hearts from so much unnecessary pain. We Christians are a strange lot, much like the lady in this song. She dearly loves Him and thirsts for His presence more than anything else, yet she refuses to deal with the "little foxes" that have brought on this separation. She loved the private, personal relationship but was unwilling to step out on His Word alone. Her love was not deep enough yet to move out in faith. She had begun a life of surrender in chapter one. But now she is experiencing how much she truly needs Him every minute of the day and that her surrender needed to be more complete.

So many of us can worship but when it comes to really listening to His word and making it a practical reality in our daily walk by the power of the Holy Spirit we miss the mark. What value is our worship for Him without a corresponding deep, active love for His word? Isn't real, true, heartfelt worship from us saying, "I am wholly Yours! My burning desire is to obey Your Word?" What is love without trust (faith)? She now must suffer excruciating, emotional aloneness. I say "alone" for she says, "...on my bed..."; it used to be "...our bed..." (1:16). He never leaves us (Heb. 13:5) but He does remove the feeling of His presence (no peace or joy).

Praise God, this abject emptiness will lead her back to fullness only found in Him! She will find out the hard way that what she thought was important to her, those "little foxes", were really a trick of the enemy. What she thought she needed turned out to bring horrible separation from the One who alone truly satisfied her. Abba Father loved her so much that He was willing to "hurt" her with tough love. For her good and restoration she is experiencing Heb. 12:6-11!

How long did she suffer the loss of this intimate fellowship? The indication is many, many nights! Oh how she could have avoided this misery of heart and soul! But we, like this bride, think we know best. What He had requested from her (to go with Him) was not unclear nor was He asking her to step out into the unknown in blind faith. He had already been there before (hills and mountains 2:8).

The trap set by the enemy has been sprung and she's caught in it. One moment of willful, deliberate selfishness is costing her dearly!

If she had only kept her eyes on Him who is the Light, then she would never have noticed the shadows! He allows her to live out the consequences of her decision until she cries out for Him in desperation once again! She could not find any spiritual rest. The joy, peace and contentment of chapters one and two have fled. Oh what an unhappy, unsatisfying existence. Her heart is still surrendered to Him but not her walk. Listen to the desperation of her heart's cry. 

 

"...I sought Him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found Him not."

All those wonderful memories are now used to torture her mind. Her soul cries out, "Even now I could be walking close to Him arm in arm. It didn't have to end! Oh what have I done? I have exchanged His abundance for fleshly emptiness. Why did I not go with my Beloved? Why, why, why? Oh the anguish! Oh the pain! Oh the fear of the night - will I ever see Him again?" With a loud cry that trails off into desperate whisper she says, "Won't someone help me please! Help me! Help me! I miss Him so much!"

 

"By night..."

What was joyful before, now is viewed through the backdrop of night. The shadows of the enemy could have been dispelled by placing them under His victorious, protecting shadow (2:3). There would have been no night to suffer! Put those little foxes and shadows under the shadow of His authority. Take them to the place of crucifixion where they have already been dealt a death blow (Rom. 6:6,11,14). Speak His Word of promise over the foxes and watch them disappear (Psa. 57:1; 91:1)!

The needless suffering continues. Horrifying nights engulf her spirit and soul. She sought Him on her bed. She was searching her heart and looking for that former warmth of safety and security that she had experienced close to Him! In the depths of her heart she strains and cries out for Him, praying she will experience His presence again. Exhausted, sleep finally comes but the morning always returns waking to find Him not there and the emptiness started all over again!

He is still everything to her. She wants no one else or anything else but Him. Praise God she had not become spiritually dulled and then continue on with that "little" questionable pleasure she thought she needed. It is not her heart but her will that is the problem. Godly sorrow has come and is doing an amazing work in her! Thank God she at least acts on the Holy Spirit prompting and continues to seek Him. So many believers wallow in self-pity and do not actively seek restoration. They listen to the enemy of their minds saying, "Your Bridegroom will never want you back after all He gave to you. Look how stupid you were, you threw it all away!"

However, that is not the bride here. It is true that she sought Him and failed to find Him, but her earnestness was being tested! So many give up seeking after a half-hearted effort.

 

PRAY WITH ME: "Dear Holy Spirit preserve me from hurting my Beloved and myself by stepping out of the path my Abba Father has set for me to walk in with my wonderful Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Himself."

 

V.2 "I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not."

Here we see the answer to her deep depression. She got up out of her hopelessness and began to actively search for Him! There was a spark of hope and she acted upon it! When we have hurt the Lord deeply don't ever entertain the demonic thoughts of quitting. If you pause and listen intently for that Inner Voice, the Holy Spirit witnessing with your spirit, you will hear these words quietly spoken to your heart, "Seek and ye shall find..."! O how sweet those words sound and what needed assurance they bring - the little drop of spiritual water in a dry and depressing time will bring the living waters from your innermost being to your Beloved once again!

Why did the Bridegroom allow her to suffer so long? Those lonely days and nights of searching caused her to remember just how awesome the fellowship with Him was. Absence is truly making the heart ache and yearn more deeply for Him.

Heartrending thoughts pierce the soul of her mind, "I will never, never take my Beloved nor His love for granted again! I didn't realize how important His every word is to my well being. I had proclaimed in no uncertain terms that I