I'm Yours Only, Sophie J Brain [i am malala young readers edition txt] 📗

together with Nicky but his subconscious had been very selective about what memories it choose to show him.

So all night he had been teased with the pictures of slowly stripping her and laying on top of her, kissing her passionately with one hand running up her leg, his lips and tongue teasing her nipples slowly. It had been utter torture and he had woken up frustrated and hard and since everything in his home seemed to make everything worse, his sexual frustration and his loneliness, he decided to go for an early morning stroll.

He decided to walk to the local small play area about forty five minutes away from his house, he could have a bit of a rest there before the walk back and maybe clear his head a bit. For Christ's sake he was supposed to be finding a way to convince her she was marrying the wrong person not spending every moment of his free time lusting after her.

The fact was though he didn't have any idea how to go about doing that, his blunt honesty the day before had just got her riled. He needed to show her how much she had changed but that would prove difficult too if she really depended on the security from her fiancé. As he entered the park he saw a dark haired woman sat on the bench, he knew even before he saw her face that it was Nicky there was always a spark when she was around.

“Are you stalking me?” he asked as he entered the park.

She looked around and beamed at him “What are you doing here?”

Well he couldn't very well say he'd gone out for a walk to avoid thinking about her so he just made a casual comment “Gone out for a walk, what are you doing here?”

Nicky shrugged as he sat down beside her “Same really; I needed some space”

“I'm surprised you're not spending the day with your man”

“So am I” she muttered “He's working today, well doing work related things in his study”

“So you're all on your lonesome today then?” he asked.

“Looks like it, shame I have nowhere to go”

Chris looked at her and smiled “Spend the day with me if you like, I've got nothing to do”

“I wouldn't want to be bothersome”

“You won't be” this was what he wanted, a chance to spend some time with her properly. He had missed her so much and it was a perfect chance to convince her about her engagement and remind her of the person she really was, the person he fell in love with.

“All right then” She stood up “lets walk”

He followed her out of the play area “How are you feeling today?”

Nicky shrugged “I'm ok I suppose”

The slight hint of sadness in her voice pulled at his heart and made him want to protect her, how could she not notice that this was turning her into a robot of a person?

Suddenly she stopped “Oh by the way your ex did well for herself”

“What do you mean?”

“She was the wife of the executive we had round for dinner last night”

Chris wanted to hug her “That must have been tough for you”

She turned to him with large honest emerald eyes full of pain and longing. It reminded him of the last day of school when he had tried to make amends with her and she had just stared at him for a moment looking like such a young child that he had just wanted to hold her. Then with the drop of a hat the moment was gone and she was back to staring in front of her as she slowly walked forward “Boris might get worried if I'm out all day”

“Then why did you go out?” Chris asked.

Nicky shrugged and let out a sigh “I was fed up I suppose, I suddenly saw everything for how it was and I got frustrated”

Chris clung onto this like an eager puppy with a bone “So you are thinking about leaving him then?”

“Of course not” Nicky replied quickly “I love him and I intend to marry him but there will be one or two things we discuss and if he insists on having those two round again then I shall insist on having a constant headache on those occasions”

So the old Nicky was coming back slowly but surely after all, but the wedding was in thirteen days and unless he could spend every day with her he doubted very much she would realise her mistake before it was too late, and it was a mistake surely? It was true that he hoped for a reunion with Nicky and he still loved her but that didn't mean his judgement was clouded did it? No of course not, he shook his head for ever doubting himself, she was quite clearly a shell of her former self and if she did get married she would end up unhappy for the rest of her life.

“I'm sure he will understand” Chris murmured “If you just explain to him”

“Yeah” Nicky sighed again but this time it stung his heart “so did I”

They walked in silence again, so she had told this Boris who Maisy was and he hadn't understood, this could help his cause massively. The real problem was that Nicky had lost her passion and that was what made her who she was how could he get her to remember? Perhaps he should start with her 'sex days' “So who decided you would only have sex three times a week?”

“It was a mutual decision” Nicky replied “it just kind of happened”

“Don't you miss the passion?” he asked carefully remembering her last reaction when he brought the topic up “You were always quite passionate”

“Got it all out of my system” Nicky let out a breath “first with you and then at university before I met Boris”

“You don't just get passion out of your system though” Chris persisted “When you have it you keep it and if you do think you've lost it then maybe that's because you're with the wrong person and you need to be with someone who pulls it out of you”

Nicky stumbled slightly “That's not true; I've lost that passion completely”

Chris took her hand and turned her to face him, he could feel the heat pouring through him and he had to take a slow breath “I know that's not true, I know you feel that passion when you see me, I can feel it in the air. You always did feel it with me”

Nicky snatched her hand back as if it had been burned “I hate you right now” she whispered before running as fast as she could away from him.

Chris stood still, he could have probably caught up with her but he had to make her see it for herself. If he tried to pressure her then she would run away from him and not listen and he needed to keep her on side. She had felt the passion of his touch the same way he had, it was obvious in the way she had jerked her hand back and ran off. She had felt it and it scared her. This was a good sign soon she would realise that she wasn't supposed to get married to this man.

The following Saturday Nicky once again replayed the conversation she had had with Chris six days before. He had been right she had felt the passion simmer up her arm when he had touched her, all she had wanted to do was kiss him and she probably would have done as well if the idiot hadn't told her exactly what she was thinking.

For the last six days all she had done was relive that moment and each time she almost cried her eyes out. Was it wrong to have that sort of passion with someone who was not her intended husband? And was it more wrong to have that passion with someone else when she did not have it with Boris? Nicky wasn't sure what exactly had happened to the passion in her relationship or exactly when it had it disappeared. All she remembered was getting into a pattern of making love whenever Boris initiated it and that turned into just making love on those certain days of the week. Still, Nicky mused as she pulled out one of her old baby doll nighties, no one said she couldn't initiate it. She quickly got changed and laid as seductively as she could on the bed. If she could feel passion from a single touch with Chris then she must be able to get it with Boris too, after all he was the one she was marrying. She just needed help to bring the passion out of him that was all.

Boris came into the room and looked at her his face blank but not in a confused way, it was just the way he always looked at her before bed on a Saturday and it was always the same expression and he would always do the same thing.

First he would come in and see her, then he would smile slightly with a wink after that he would walk over to the bed and kiss her on the cheek, well ok to be absolutely fair and honest it was the side of the lip, and finally he would say goodnight and try to get to sleep, which is exactly what he did then. Every day that wasn't set aside for sex always ended like this, so Nicky had been stupid for hoping that that day would be any different. After the failed seduction attempt she had even tried to talk to him for a moment about the wedding but he had just murmured something too quiet for her to hear and rolled over.

Trying not to disturb, she slowly got out of bed and went downstairs. Collapsing on the sofa she started to softly cry, she remembered the last time she had worn that outfit, it was on that weekend away she had had with Chris. When he had walked in and seen her in it his eyes had bugged out then he had kissed her passionately and had slowly taken her out of it. The tenderness he had shown her on such occasions and the time he would spend holding her after made her ache inside. Suddenly it became absolutely necessary to feel that sort of passion again and all the things that came with it, her relationship with Chris was over and the passion is just what had been left over from it. There was certainly no love there as far as she was aware but that didn't mean he couldn't be her friend and give her a hug and hold her. She really wanted to be held, to feel secure and safe and to know that she had finally found a stable place in life. She had found it of course but a hug would be wonderful.

Just a hug, the passion would simmer through her and she would feel it again but she wouldn't act on it, she would just let him hug her until it all went away and then he could be her friend and be her support network, someone to confide in.

That was what she told herself when she grabbed her coat and left, that she just wanted a hug and friend, nothing would happen. It never even crossed her mind as she did up her coat that she was practically naked underneath.

She walked as fast as she could across town until she was stood outside his house, one of the two places she had felt truly safe four years ago. Walking slowly up the front garden she once again reminded herself that she was just there for his friendship but then she started to wonder if maybe she was trying to convince herself rather than just reminding herself. There was no more feeling there she was certain of that but the passion was and she had