I'm Yours Only, Sophie J Brain [i am malala young readers edition txt] 📗

when he had seen her before they were due to head off and his whole face had broken out into the most wide grin she had ever seen and Nicky had been almost sure that it was because he thought she was his soul mate the same thing she had been sure of since they first met.

Her attention was brought back to the here and now as she realised that Boris had finished his wedding vows and now everyone was looking at her expectantly, she opened her mouth but no words came out.

“Repeat after me” the vicar said

If she was asked about this later Nicky would never be able to say what it was that went through her head before the single word burst from her mouth. “No!”

She had never known that a collective gasp could sound so loud “No I can't repeat after you” Nicky said to vicar before turning to Boris “I'm sorry”

Boris turned to look at her, the look wasn't one of heartbreak or one of pain, more of confusion and when he spoke he didn't sound upset just perplexed “Nicola what do you mean 'no'?”

“I can't marry you” Nicky whispered before turning to the guests and repeating herself louder “I'm sorry I can't marry him”

“Why?” someone, probably Boris' mum, snapped at her.

Nicky turned back to Boris “I can't marry you, how can I? You just promised to protect me but how can you when you don't know what it is I need protecting from? I can't promise to obey you when you are never here. I don't love you Boris and I know that you don't love me either, at least not in the way a husband should love a wife and how a wife should love a husband”

Nicky turned back to the guests and said again “I'm sorry” before running out of the church. She had no idea where it was she was heading off too but she didn't really care much, tears were burning her eyes and she couldn,t tell if they were from sadness or happiness.

Nicky could not believe she had been so stupid, she didn't love Boris and how could she not have seen he didn't love her either? She almost subjected herself to a loveless marriage where her soul would be slowly crushed until she was nothing but a shell. Chris was who she wanted, the only person she ever wanted and ever would want. She had to see him; she just hoped she hadn't blown her chance completely.

Nicky ran until she got to the end of his road and then started walking to his house, she would just have to pray he returned the sentiment still. She had been so selfish to him and she knew it was wrong of her to just show up out of the blue now and ask for another chance but she had been so confused and she had really thought she was doing the right thing, he would understand right?

Nicky stopped as she saw him walking the down the street, she heard his laugh and smiled; she wanted to make him laugh every day for the rest of her life. She was just about to start walking again when she saw him turn around to talk to someone, was it a friend? Nicky moved into the shadows a bit and looked closely it was a woman, he was with a woman.

Nicky felt the tears roll down her cheeks, she had lost her chance, and he had met someone else her heart was breaking even more. For four years she'd been living in pain and it had been her own fault, a week ago she had had happiness at her feet and she had rejected it and if he had found someone else that was her own fault.

Still this reasoning didn't make it any easier when he kissed her or when she wrapped her arm around his back and squeezed his backside, luckily her vision had started to get blurred from the tears in her eyes. With a heavy sigh and short bursting sobs Nicky slowly made her way to her parents’ house.

 

“Nicola Bennett is that you?”

Nicky cringed at her mum's voice and wiped her eyes, the last thing she wanted was for her parents to see her weeping especially when they were bound to be angry with her for running out of the wedding.

Slowly she walked into the lounge and saw her parents staring at her “Where's Anthony and Penny?” Nicky asked weakly, noting with interest that her two siblings were not there.

Her father crossed her arms “They have gone home, where we expected you would be going tonight as well”

Nicky looked down at the floor “I'm sorry” she mumbled

“Do you know how embarrassed we were?” her mum piped in.

There was nothing like a scolding by one's parents to make one feel like a six year old child and when this was added to her pain, Nicky was not sure how much she could take.

“What have you got to say girl?” Her dad snapped at her silence.

Her parents were so angry at her; she hadn't intended to make anyone angry, if anything she thought they would at least try to understand. Everything was starting to become overwhelming and she could feel her resolve slipping, everything within her was coming to near bursting point.

“Geoff stop for the moment” came her mums voice soft and gentle “can't you see the girl is near tears”

“I am sorry, I know the two of you need to know what happened” Nicky finally murmured “but please can I tell after I have had a lay down, I feel exhausted”

“You feel exhausted?” her dad echoed “What about us? We were the ones left to clean up your nasty mess; I'm surprised Boris wasn't more upset”

“I'm not” Nicky muttered

“I beg your pardon?”

Nicky looked her dad in the eye “I'm not surprised at all that he was barely upset, standing in the church I could see he didn't truly love me the way he should and I don't love him either. I have only ever loved one person and that was not Boris, It was Chris Williams and I still love him and if it wasn't for the fact that I am a complete idiot I would have been with him now”

“Nicky?” her mum walked over and put her arm around Nicky's shoulders “who is this man?”

“It doesn't matter” Nicky started to sob “I ruined everything and now I've lost the only person I can really open up to”

Geoffrey Bennett looked at his youngest daughter with shock “You can open up to us”

Nicky shook her head “I can't, you're my parents how can I tell you when something truly serious happens?”

“Like what?” her mum asked.

Nicky shook her head again but this time with more vigour, she could not tell them, she knew she couldn't tell them what had happened but for some reason her mouth opened and she said the words anyway. Maybe it was because she didn't want anything else to be a secret or maybe because her barriers were down, whatever the reason Nicky heard herself say “Four years ago the thing that brought Chris and I together was because he helped me when I was almost raped. He was a student teacher and he found me in a classroom and I had blood pouring down my head. I'm sorry I let you down today but I just could not marry Boris” Nicky turned to her mum with a pleading look in her eye “I never told him”

Nicky's mother and father however were just staring at her with shock “You were almost raped?” her mum whispered

“I'm sorry” Nicky mumbled

“Don't be sorry” Nicky's dad boomed “Who did it?”

“No” Nicky felt her eyes well up and tears roll down her face for what felt like the hundredth time that day “please don't make me tell you who it was, he's not around anymore and he can't hurt me again”

There was silence for moment and Nicky let herself believe her secret had been kept but then she heard a sound beside her and turned to see her mother crying and when she looked back at her dad she saw he that looked ready to lunge “Tell me who hurt you Nicola” he said in a warning tone

“I can't” Nicky wailed “You don't want to know”

“Tell me” he roared

Nicky looked up at her father, her eyes glistening with tears as she put her soul out completely bared, and whispered “Kevin”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Ten and Eleven

Chapter Ten

 

Chris woke up the next morning with a headache that had nothing to do with the alcohol he had consumed the night before. First there had been the situation with Cindy, he had taken her home but the moment he closed the door and he just knew couldn't go through with it. He had asked her to leave at which point he had decided that a bit of a binge drink was necessary. He drank until he fell asleep, at which point he had been taunted with dreams about Nicky and her husband, horridly vivid dreams.

So the next morning when he woke up with a headache he would have loved to have blamed it on the booze but the truth was he knew it was just a stress headache. With this in mind, he quickly got dressed and went out for a walk; this helped but did not get rid of the pain completely. What had he been thinking? On his first day as a reformed man, he breaks his rule and takes home a random stranger. He was nearly thirty; he should have better resistance than that.

His walk did not take him far because as soon as he got to the end of his road he felt the twinges of hunger kicking in. There were some shops quite close by, so he thought that would be just as good as place as any to walk to. Maybe some of his headache would turn out to be a hangover and a bacon sandwich and fried egg would do some help. Chris started strolling slowly and thought about Nicky (honestly he was not helping himself at all that day.) She was probably lying in bed with her new husband now.

As he left the shop, he was so busy day dreaming he almost barged straight into someone, luckily she darted out of the way just in time and avoided any mishap. This was really not good, what had been the point in letting Nicky go if he was just going to spend the rest of his days pining over her like a love sick puppy? He needed to get a grip and start to move on, otherwise all the pain would be for nothing.

“Chris”

He turned around to see who had called him. Standing just next to the shop doorway, wearing leggings and a long t-shirt, was Nicky. She had her hair tied up in a bun and her eyes looked tired and drawn, he almost dropped his shopping in the shock of seeing her. “Nicky” he murmured “what are you going here?”

She shrugged “I walked a bit further than I had intended.”

Chris looked at her closely, her voice, which had been trying to sound casual, was at