I'm Yours Only, Sophie J Brain [i am malala young readers edition txt] 📗

and pulled her top over her head, the sex hadn't lasted much longer, it rarely did, but almost straight after they had heard Edward come back home and even though she had got dressed and quickly ran back into the social area he knew what she had been up to. He had told her that she should leave and they didn't speak again but the look in his eyes had haunted her for months afterwards and she knew that something he thought of her had died the moment she had ran out of James' room.

Edward had thought that she was a wonderful and good person and in that moment when he looked at her hurt she saw that part die and she knew she was a bad person and she would carry on being a bad person if she didn't change and find someone real with whom she could share her life with.

Later while she had been laid in bed is when she decided to do find someone who she could love. The next week she had met Boris and had begun to love him. Nicky had thought that she had found her old self again but she had quite obviously been wrong since here she was again up to her old tricks.

Chris' arms were still wrapped around her but she knew he was waiting for her to answer him “You don't really want me or even if you do it doesn't matter because I can't be with you”

He pushed her away, gently but she could still feel the depth of his pain “Why can't you be with me?”

“I would hurt you” Nicky whispered “I'm hurting you now; I hurt you before all I do is hurt people”

“So you're not going to be with me because you don't want to hurt me?”

Nicky shrugged “I can't keep hurting people, if I marry Boris you will eventually get over me and us and you will find someone who will make you happy, maybe not as happy as you think you can be with me but happy enough to have an amazing life, and I'll be content with Boris and he will be happy and I won't be hurting anyone any more. It will be hard to think of you with someone else I know that much but at least I can feel warm with the knowledge that you're happy”

“You can make me happy” he whispered “I want you, I don't want anyone else”

“You will” Nicky said shakily knowing if she didn't keep strong then she would burst into tears “You will realise all the things that's wrong with me and find yourself someone better”

“Don't say that.” Chris snapped and Nicky realised he wasn't being aggressive he was just so badly hurt; “Don't you ever say that. You are the most wonderful, kind, enchanting and beautiful woman I have ever known, there is no one more perfect than you. I made a mistake with Maisy thinking that I would be able to settle for second best, for something that wasn't quite perfection, I realised before it was too late. Please don't make the same mistake I almost did”

He was looking at her with such an intensity that Nicky almost broke down at that moment, the hope in his eyes was so strong that it took all of her strength and will power to stop herself from bursting into tears and letting him look after her. She had to leave; she stood up suddenly quickly putting on her coat as she did so. Chris stood up after her and grabbed her hand, the touch felt electric.

“Nicky please don't do this” Chris begged “we belong together you know we do”

“Chris I'm not sure you even know who I am any more” Nicky murmured “Well I mean I know you know I'm Nicola Bennett but the person I was four years ago is gone, this is who I am now and I'm going to marry Boris and then I'll be Nicola Blackwell. It's the best solution for everyone, you included even if you don't know it yet”

She really did think it was for the best, Nicky had changed since her and Chris had first met but Boris knew who she was now, knew who she had been during her dark days at university, which was who she might very well still be given current circumstances, but he loved her anyway and he wanted to marry her. Chris was in love with an illusion, a memory from the past that wouldn't go away, it was best to leave him with his memory than to show him the reality and watch as he slowly came to realise his mistake. Still that didn't explain why her heart felt like it had been smashed.

“Please leave me to get married to him Chris” Nicky said shakily as she left the house “and I'll do my very best to disappear from your life so that you can properly get over me”

Chris stared as she walked out of the house, he had truly lost her this time, his heart was breaking, well and truly breaking, and it was like nothing he had ever known before. His soul felt ripped and shattered, tears silently rolled down his cheek, he wanted to go out to her and tell her that she was wrong, tell her that they belonged together and not let her leave until she realised it but for some reason his feet were glued to ground.

He wanted more than anything to try and make her see sense but his feet would not move and he could not work out why or maybe he could but just didn't want to believe it. Chris wanted to go out and kiss her and tell her that she was his and always would be but that wasn't true, she had been his and he had ruined it. He had hurt her and broken her heart, she needed him to leave her now. She had all but begged him. He had let her down once before and he wasn't about to do the same thing again, if he did chase after her it wouldn't do any good now and if she wanted to let him be content with someone else than that was his fault for letting her get away in the first place. So he decided to let her get rid of whatever guilt she seemed to feel by letting her walk away even though his own heart was breaking.

He would have to break his own heart so that her heart could be protected from all the hurt and pain she had felt over the years, which he knew was largely due to how he had behaved towards her. So instead of running after her his feet were glued to the ground as she ran further away from his house, from him and from his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Nine

It was all going wrong. First the food had been completely ruined so now her mum was rushing around at the last moment trying to put something else together. To make things worse when Nicky had asked about the circumstances in which the food had been ruined she had been told to finish getting ready as none of it was her concern, which she would have argued with since it was her wedding which meant that the missing food was her concern but she was already being pulled back into her room.

After that situation she had walked in on Eloise and the best man, who just happened to be Boris' only true close friend and was married to someone Nicky held in quite high esteem, in one of the cupboards doing things that were not of an innocent nature. Then while she was quickly departing the scene Nicky got her dress caught on something and it ripped, just a tiny bit but that still took some work to be covered.

However the thing that was really going to ruin her day was Greg, he had been delayed in whatever country he was currently travelling but he had promised he would be in town for her wedding but hadn't yet showed up. Nicky wasn't sure she could get through it without Greg, he had known her since she had been born, they had been through so much together as friends and there was no way in this world or the next that Nicky was going to get married without him there.

Nicky sighed and sank into a chair, perhaps she was just looking for a reason not to go through with it. Since she left Chris' house the previous week all of her reasons for going through with the wedding were slowly losing whatever it was that had made them make sense at the time and her heart was simply aching. Chris had said he loved her and that they belonged together, the romantic in her was wanting to through caution to the wind and run out of the room she was getting ready in, find Chris and kiss him senseless.

Nicky probably would've done this if it wasn't for the fact that the romantic in her was currently too stomped down, first of all from when she had learned the truth about Chris and Maisy and then from the months that had followed.

Four years ago Nicky would have listened to her romantic side but now she just wasn't sure if it could be trusted and her heart was tired of the pain. She had to think with the logical side of her, the side that said she did love Boris, even if it wasn't as much as she loved Chris, and she knew that they could be happy together or at the very least content and surely that would have to be enough?

Nicky looked around as she heard the door open, it was Eloise slowly coming into the room looking like a guilty puppy.

“Nicky?” she said quietly “Are you all right?”

“Is Greg here yet?” Nicky asked.

“No he called though to say he was on his way from the airport” Eloise replied

“When was this?”

Eloise tilted her hair in thought “About an hour ago, right before I met Ross and then my time was occupied”

Nicky let out a sigh and stood up “I remember”

Eloise looked at her closely, more closely that Nicky was comfortable with. “What's up with you?”

Nicky, still not at ease with her best friends intense staring, turned around “I don't understand what you mean”

“What I mean” Eloise murmured walking towards her “is that if this was my wedding day then I wouldn't be looking like a wet weekend”

“I didn't realise you were planning to married” Nicky snapped.

“I'm not right now” Eloise snapped “but when I do decide to get married I will be damn well happy about it”

“I am happy” Nicky smiled feeling guilty for being so mean to her friend “I'm sorry Eloise I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm just nervous I guess”

“Nicky Bennett is nervous?” said a voice from the doorway “Have I entered an alternative universe”

Both girls turned around to look as Greg Bryant, looking slightly older than his twenty two years, walked towards them. He was slightly tanned from his travels which was making his hair seem even more jet black. Nicky studied him closely, he was trying to look confident but his eyes were lacking something, she quickly glanced at Eloise who had just finished examining herself in the mirror.

“Nicky I better go see if they sorted out the food” Eloise said suddenly and then with an awkward nod to Greg she left the room.

Greg looked at the door “She hasn't changed much”

“No, she's still the same as ever” Nicky agreed “I found her with the best man forty minutes ago”

Greg began to look like he had been punched “I didn't realise she was still doing that”

“As far as I'm aware” Nicky sighed without thinking, then the penny dropped “Oh my gosh, do you still love her?”

Greg playfully hit her in the arm “No Nicky,