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talk about you, and they would question my devotion to you, as well as your devotion to me. As I heard them question your commitment to me, some of your communications made me feel paranoid about you (your Facebook post about receiving texts from blank numbers and about having strange dreams, your bringing up a dream that you had to me one night and acting strange, and your somewhat odd behavior when you went to visit me at Harrison House, for example).

 

I took some real life strange interactions with you and combined them with the fact that the voices in my mind were telling me that you were not being faithful to me and that other people were telling you bad things about me, and I began to believe that perhaps there were real people in the real world that were communicating with you that were in league with the people that were broadcasting voices in my mind, and that you were starting to believe bad things about me and were acting on that belief in starting to distance yourself from me.

 

As time has gone on, and since we have grown apart and you have moved on and I have moved on to strange other things too, the voices have not stopped talking about you. They say that you are loosely part of a conspiracy to isolate me and to punish me for what some people believe are my past faults, and they say that you know things about the phenomenon that is causing me to hear the voices that I hear in my mind every day.

 

Furthermore, although these voices that I hear in my mind do not say that you are fully part of any conspiracy against me, they implicate your father as being part of it all of the time. They bring his name up in my mind almost daily, and I am told that he is part of a group of people that are determined to make sure that I am never left alone by the voices that are transmitted in my mind until it is too much for me.

 

In addition to just transmitting voices, it seems that whatever is making me hear things can also make me feel things. I am struck with fits of itching, and sweating fits, and dizziness fits, and painful sensations in my abdominal regions, feet, head and legs. I also get painful jabbing sensations in sensitive areas and lately I have been receiving full excruciatingly painful muscle cramps in my feet and legs that render me unable to sit up or walk, and that keep me awake at night. The voices talk about these sensations before and while they occur, and they pile on with name calling and taunts as I receive these pains and bad sensations. It seems by all appearances to be related to the same phenomenon, and the nature of the things that the voices say give me not much doubt that the voices and pains do not come from my mind or my subconscious. I know that it sounds outlandish, but I believe that these voices are the words of someone else, and pains that I feel in combination with them are not of a natural body process. This is a conclusion that I have arrived at after months of observation and careful thought.

 

Now, I normally don't believe that you and your father are involved with the people that have created this unpleasant situation, but a couple of weeks ago, I let the constant harassment get to me, and I posted on Facebook that you knew something about what was happening to me and that you had not been on my side for some time. I said that your father might know something too. I also was goaded on by the voices that I heard into posting a negative post about the things that you told me about during our phone call on November 1st, 2008.

 

I have since removed the posts, but they were up for some time, and I think that you may have heard about them.

 

I want to make clear that someone really has an agenda to tell me and have me believe that your father and you have something to do with the voices that I hear and the unnatural pains that I experience. Rest assured, I am telling you that I know now, with a mind less clouded by a barrage of voices, that it does not make much sense for that to be true, but it is just something that I hear in my mind every day, and I think that I let my frustration and fatigue with the voices and pains get to me, and I posted things on Facebook without thinking first. Once again, the voices repeatedly say that you and your father are involved with the people who cause me to hear voices and feel pains and bad sensations, but I do not rationally believe that that is true.

 

And the things that I posted about what you told me during that phone call were things that I should not have publically talked about. It is hard to describe to you what came over me to do that, but I will say that I was propelled and encouraged and pushed in that direction by the voices that pester and harass me daily. Even when I insisted for years that I bore no ill will toward you at all and only wished you the best, they in the end goaded me into believing that I should be upset with you and that you were a part of the reason that I started to and continued to hear voices. Still, it was a grave error in judgment for me to talk to others about what was a private matter between the two of us. I want to apologize to you and your husband for letting the harassment and emotions get the better of me, and for speaking ill of you, when I had no right or good reason to do so.

 

I also want to fully apologize to you for posting on Facebook that I did believe that you were involved with what was happening to me, and I want you to tell your father that I apologize too. I do not want to bring stress into your life, and I did a thing that I should not have done to use your name to try to explain the things that are happening to me.

 

I do not know what else I can do, other than to say that I do not think that such things will happen in the future, and to apologize again. I am sorry for acting without thinking and I will do anything that I can to make up for bringing up your name in my posts. Let me know if you want me to do something else or to say anything to others to let them know that I am sorry for posting things about you before thinking with a clear and free mind.

 

I always somewhat hoped that we could talk one day, at least briefly, on good terms and could wish each other the best. So I am sorry that my first writing to you for some time is of this nature. The rest of my this letter may seem odd to you, but it is borne of the oddness of my experience with having these voices speak to me and living with that as a part of my life for some time. It is also borne of the fact that I am in a much different place than I was when I posted those negative writings online. Whatever technology it is that is being used to cause me to hear voices can also affect emotions. I feel like a different person now than the person who did the things for which I am now apologizing.

 

I would like to tell you that these voices that I hear are sometimes not antagonistic. Sometimes, I speak with different personalities that are seemingly of good intention and pleasant demeanor. Some other voice personalities seem knowledgeable and informed about certain things about the world and about matters that are difficult to comprehend.

 

I am telling you this because I hear certain personalities speak to me that talk about God and deities and the place of human beings in the universe. This is something that I somewhat thought you might be interested in, because I think about what I hear carefully. And some of it makes sense, and it has to do with a lot of our questions about life, the universe, our purpose, and other weighty matters. I think I have some insight into some theological and spiritual questions at times because of my experiences, and I tell you this because you were someone with whom I used to discuss spiritual matters, and I think your view and perspective could help, and maybe I could tell you some things that you might be interested in too. That perhaps is me being hopeful.

 

I understand that you are in a different place and a lot of things have happened between us that were negative, but it honestly is my sincere hope that we can maybe one day talk about these important things. I do not want to try to invite you to do anything that you are not comfortable with doing, and I know that you do not really trust me anymore, that you think differently of me than you used to, and that you perhaps would rather not hear from me at all, but what I have heard and experienced gives me a feeling that maybe we should have at least one conversation (over e-mail is perfectly fine) about why I hear voices, the nature of the voices I hear, the fact that their onset was during our relationship, their interest in our relationship, and their perspective on some things about life that I think you would interested in. And I want to know your opinion about some things that I am thinking over, because you have been a believer in God for a long time, and I think you would have a good perspective of your own to lend to me.

 

Understand that I am not trying to talk like we used to at all, and I have moved on from our relationship and I respect your new relationship and am happy for you, but I wanted to know if you were interested in talking about how to view some theological matters in a world that I think is more complicated than I used to believe that it was. And my thoughts are not together, to be honest. Every day, I find out more, in a way, about the universe, and about spiritual matters.

 

I do not necessarily know whether I believe that everything happened exactly as it was written in the Bible at this point, although I think I do believe in a God that created the universe and I believe in deity like forces, and I am somewhat more open to the concept of that God that people pray to and believe in being real and alive, and I think that I believe that it is true at the moment. I hope that it is, in part because I am not entirely sure what I think about the forces outside of this God that control our world and make it run.

 

That being said, the people running the technology that is used to communicate with me have been in contact with powerful forces that we do not normally experience in our Earthly lives. I think that some people who have experienced the things that I have experienced have interpreted them as visits from angels or demons or spirits. I am not personally sure that I believe this. I think that what I have been in contact with is not something that people normally experience in their day to day lives, but I do not

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