Through all the tears..., Kerry Elisabeth Waddingham [epub ebook reader .txt] 📗

Chapter 1.

“Oh hi…” Annie said with tears in her eyes

“Hay Annie” said Alexander.

“How have you been?”

“Honestly Annie I am horrible... I can’t stop cutting… there’s so much blood all the time and I just miss you so fucking much.”

“I…do miss you…”

“Really?! I thought you would have hated me by now!”

“Trust me Alexander… I am really trying to hate you.”

“Oh….”

“Yes… I should go now...”

“No wait... please Annie don’t go… you’re the only one who still talks to me… since we broke up everyone has totally abandoned me…and told me that I wasn’t worth your tears…”

“I’m sorry….Alexander……”

“Annie please! I love you!! Do you not get that?!?”

“I don’t know what I believe….. You cheated on me two times…. And I forgave you and now… I just don’t know.”
“Please you don’t get it….my dad told me that I was a waste of space... and that he always knew I was going to disappoint him… “

“I’m going to be honest with you… when we first started dating I had so many girls telling me that you are a cheater and you will cheat on me the same way you cheated on them… well because I love you I didn’t believe them… so you have no idea how much my heart broke when you really did cheat on me…”

He stood there… “The last message I have from you on my phone is I guess you didn’t love me enough to stop…”

“I am sorry… that’s just how I was feeling but I feel like shit for saying that to you... and I should have thought more about how that would make you feel…”

“Annie I guess I deserved…”

“I’m sorry Alexander… but really I have to go…she walks away leaving Alexander there with tears in his eyes and regret in his heart. She thinks to herself…: I am ok without him... I don’t need him by my side to laugh…and then she stops and whispers, I need him there to live…</3


She walks into her house and slams the door

“Annie!!” someone yells from the living room. She walks in there terrified.

“Yeah?” she asked not knowing what else to say.

“What the fuck is this Annie?? You fucking promised us you were done forever! Sierra yells

“What is what?” she asked her voice shaking and then she spots the bloody razor in her hand.” where the fuck did you find that mom?!? Stay out of my shit this is my life!!” she says storming off.

“Annie wait!” She yells chasing after her and grabbing her arm. “Let me see your wrist right now!”

“Mom leave me the fuck alone this is my life. I will cut if I want to… while you were snooping in my shit did you find all those things that say I hate being alive… why can’t I be taken from this world!?

“Annie…” her mom says in tears. “I don’t get it? What happened… you were ok… have you taken your depressants lately?”

“That’s just it mom! I’m done taking medicine for every little thing wrong with me. That’s what’s wrong with this world today… they take medicine for everything... because now popping a pill fixes everything! Sad feel like killing yourself? Well pop a fucking pill.”

“Annie please… I am begging you… Todd is so worried about what you’re doing to yourself”

“Wow I fucking love that…”

“What? And please stop swearing Annie Dear.”

“Annie Dear? That’s a new one... you never called me that… all those times I was crying…Annie where are my drugs?” she says mocking her mom “and I love that ‘Todd’ is worried about what I am doing to myself… not my mom not my fucking dad but fucking Todd.”

“Annie calm down, I am so tired of you disrespecting us in our own house!” Sierra yells squeezing Annie’s wrist tighter.

“Owhh! Let go of me!”

“Let me see you wrist!” sierra screams in her face


Chapter 2

“You want to see my wrist??” Annie yells as she shakes her moms grip off of her. “Here it is.” She takes off her black hoodie. “Happy now?” she yells as she runs off.

“Annie please wait... you don’t understand that I am only doing all this to help you. Annie Dear believe me I am worried about you as well as Todd.”

Annie drops in the middle of the living room with tears falling down her face and landing on her fresh cuts. “Mom you don’t get it… you had a dad when you were growing up… I need my dad” she cries harder.

Sierra rushes over to comfort Annie. “I am sorry that you don’t have a dad… and you haven’t seen him for years anyway but Wayne was a bad man… he was abusive in everyway to everyone... I never told you that because I didn’t want you to know this but when you were a little girl your daddy would beat the shit out of you just for getting food on your face... and I hoped all these years that you would forget about that no good piece of shit.”

“….. I know…”

“You never forgot??”

“No...”

“Then if you remember all that then why do you want to see him?”

“That was only when he was drunk… when he wasn’t drunk he was a good father…”

“Annie that’s not the point. He doesn’t deserve to have a daughter like you.”

Annie stands up and points at Sierra. Then she yells “like what?! Mom! I don’t know if you noticed but I am not the kind of daughter that makes you put your head up high, stand in front of a bunch of other parents and yell that’s my daughter!”

“Annie that’s not true….am very proud of you”

“Sierra I am so tired of you pretending and lying to me all the time. What happened to lying isn’t good?”

“One Annie I am your mom, you will call me mom. Not Sierra and two...”

“I can call you sierra if I want to.” She says interrupting her.

“As I was saying… two Annie you need help.”

“Or you could fucking let me drowned.”

Sierra begins to cry “you don’t get how much that hurts me when you say that…it makes me feel like I fail as a mom if my own daughter doesn’t even want to be alive.”

“Fuck why don’t you get it?! This isn’t fucking about you anymore…!”

“Then who?”

“Don’t worry about it….”

“Please. Tell me.”

“No I really need to go calm down.”

“Annie Leigh tells me right now who this is about.”

“Why can’t you stay the fuck out of my life? Annie asked as her fist makes a dent in the wall.

“This isn’t you...”

“No sierra this is.” She pulls a razorblade out of her backpack. This is the real Annie Leigh. The one that you’re so mother fucking ashamed of.” She throws the razorblade on the floor and starts to walk away. “Don’t worry sierra I have more.” And she slams the door.

Sierra pauses not sure what to do until she can’t take it anymore and drops on the floor crying. Sierra picks up the razorblade and she just stares at it. Annie walks wiping tears not sure where to go anymore but still she keeps walking.

When she stops she realizes where she is. Her Alexander would come here all the time. She would cry on his shoulder and he would hold her tight.

“Annie?”

Oh shit she thinks to herself looking around to see who it was.

“Alexander…”

“You still come here?”

“Honestly I don’t know... me and mom got in a fight and I walked and then when I stopped… I was here...”

“And I was here for you…Annie please can we talk foreal this time? No screaming… no yelling. Please? I want you to know what you really mean to me.”

“…..ok”

He stops for a moment and takes a deep breath. “I love you is how I feel. I hate not talking to. I hate not being with you because you were the one person who could always make me smile. When I was sad all you had to do was walk beside me. When I cried you were the person there…” he stops beginning to cry…”umm you were the person there to wipe away my tears and tell me everything will be ok. That you…that you loved me...” he stops wiping away the tears. “I could tell it broke your heart when ever I did the thing I did. And when you ran off crying it broke mine to.”

Annie rocks back and forth fighting the urge to wrap her arms around Alexander.” Alexander... That hurt me so bad, I couldn’t understand it…”

“Annie I am so sorry I hate myself so much right now. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and then I had to fuck it up with Becca…. And now I can have her…. But I cant fucking have you and I don’t want her… I want you to be my baby girl again.” He finishes in tears.

“Alexander… I want to say so many things to you…but I can’t speak them without making you feel like shit... I miss when you used to hold me tight after me and my mom would fight… we laid in the grass together staring into each others eyes…”

“….and I fucked that up...” he slaps him self hard.

“Please stop…”

“Annie I can’t… do you not understand that you are the best part of me… without you I should just be dead…” he says reaching into his pocket...”That is actually why I am here... I always said that if I died I wanted to be near you… well this is as close as I can get…”

“Obviously were not meant to be...” she whispers not sure what else to say. “That doesn’t mean go and die.”

“Annie forever ended to soon…”

“I know” she says wiping her tears away and wrapping her arms around him.

Alexander reaches over to hold her tight wiping away his own tears. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”


Chapter 3

“I know” Annie says wiping tears away.

“Why are you crying? Alexander asks moving her away so he can look at her face.

“Because… we can’t….” she begins to cry

“Annie…. I swear I fucking love you… and I need you. I am nothing without you... I really thought that we would be the couple out of everyone to last forever, get married… start a family and live a happy life… and then I had to fuck it up.” He says wiping her tears away and holding her tight.

“I love you to Alexander… I always thought we would to...” Annie reaches up and kisses his cheek. “I always hoped we would to.”

“FUCK. I really hate myself……”

“Why?”

“I feel so stupid…. I fucked everything up… the one girl who really cared for me and not herself… and I fucked it up.” He cries

“…I hate this… right now all I want to do is call you boo….”

“You have