Ultraviolence, patrick heneghan [macos ebook reader .TXT] 📗

You're crazy for me

29 December 2017

 

Amelia walked along the alley of the cold winters street, breathing out tiny clouds of condensation almost as white as her pale skin in the moonlight. She felt the music in her ear buds pour into her as she crunched the gravel underneath her boots. She always took this route since she moved here; she knew every crack in the wall, every burned out cigarette and every sacramento green broken glass bottle, and every last rodent who would hiss and screech as she walked pass. Everything in her life was mundane, everything in her life was repetitive, everything in her life was ritual. However, It wasn't until she heard the shattering of a glass bottle thrown at her feet, tiny shards penetrating below her knees leaving shards of glass slicing into her skin that she realised she was being followed. Her whole body stiffened as her breathing hitched.

 

Cautiously, she removed her ear phones and began to turn around, an alternative pop song died down as it slowly traveled into her pocket. Her deep red scarf fluttering in the wind as if trying to escape its fate, trying to avoid facing the other side of ally. She took a few deep breaths as she prepared herself for the confrontation that would take place once she could convince her body to turn around. there she was greeted by a tall, slim man with a sickening wide smile on his face; his hair swaying in the wind like grass in an open plain, his eyes dark and sinister like those of a camera lens.
She could taste the xxnicotine in the air where he stood and she could smell the alcohol on his breath when he spoke.

 

"Where you goin' sweet thing"

he mumbled the grin on his face somehow growing wider.

 

"Um I ..."

 

her voice growing higher. Suddenly, she could feel him all over her as he pushed her against the wall and she could sense a bruise forming in the back of her head. She felt dizzy, almost as if she was drowning. He slowly undid her coat button as she took a deep breath.

"I've been waiting all year for this moment."

 

Breathe in

 

He began to kiss her neck, speeding up with every strained movement she stride to make against him.

 

Breathe out

 

"now I'm finally going to have my release

crying tears of gold

 

31st December 2016
 

1 year ago

 

Amelia

I sat watching TV, the light and sound dancing around the room. I was alone and I despised it. My parents were all the way over in The Caribbean on some big cruise they won in a contest and all my friends had something better to do.
I couldn't stand it, my fingers began to twitch in annoyance and Boredom.
I left my dark blue sofa, the impression of my body stayed there watching TV. I looked in the mirror before I left, brushing the curls out of my long, dark brown hair. I let the colour of my nude lipstick posses my lips, I stared at my reflection and it stared back.

 

Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out

 

I carefully glide my eyeliner on and flick it up towards the white ceiling, it's swirls moving like a Van Gogh painting. I've lived here three weeks now, half of my stuff are still in boxes and I just can't find the time to organise them. They sat watching me with sadness, I've had some of same stuff since I was a baby, they've seen me grow up. They've seen me cry, laugh, scream into my pillow when I would argue with my parents. god, I used to be such an idiot.

I walked outside locking the door behind me, keys cold in my hands as I placed them into the lock. I paced along the halls of my apartment, listening in to each of my neighbours party's. pop music blasting through half of the doors, the other half I assume have gone outside to celebrate.
I walk down the stairs, the sharp sudden clacking sound of my heels echoing against the stairwell.
I open the frigid metal door and I'm greeted by the sudden gush of ice cold wind.

I walk to the nearest bar, trying to avoid the broken glass bottles that peppered the floor and walk through the entrance of ' the olde star' I push my way through through the crowd of people to get to the bar. I sit down on the dark red seats, shuffling in place till I could sit comfortably and straight.
A girl with short black hair with a streak of red stood behind the bar. she had a snake bite Piercing on her dark brown lips. her brown eyes stared into my soul; and they were beautiful.

 

"So, what you want," her smooth voice asked

 

" just water please," I stuttered trying to maintain the least amount of eye contact as possible

 

"Coming right up," she quickly filled a crystal clear glass with water right to the brim without spilling any over the top.

As if she couldn't be more perfect.

 

"So what's you're name" I asked trying to continue the conversation

 

"My name is Nina, I've just begun working here last month, me and my sister moved from Georgia two years ago. What about you?"

 

" I'm Amelia, I grew up in England and moved here three weeks ago for a job offer and... that's about it really."

 

Out of nowhere an older man shouted to Nina from the other side of the bar about how 'you're not here to socialise'
And 'if it were up to me you would already be fired' so she just sighed and began to serve the other patrons.

I sipped my glass of water as I let the sound around me merge into a hum at the back of my mind. Young men and woman kissing and talking as the night carried on, exploring each other's bodies and minds as they moved closer to each other. It was as if the world outside this bar was irrelevant and all was chaotic yet still consequently calm. I let myself be one of them for a few seconds, I let everything fade out of existence and it was just me and a pleasant floating feeling.
It wasn't until I was interrupted by the overwhelming scent of a burger being eaten by a big man in his forty's did I snap back into reality. My stomach churning as the grease of the burger dripped down chin. I told myself that I didn't need this, that everything would be better now, that I'm better now.
I took a few deep breaths as I tried not to gag.

 

Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in breathe out
Breathe in

 

 

"Excuse me..."

It was the perfect girl from before smiling at me as she placed glass filled with a dark pink liquid in front of me. A tiny cherry was floating in the drink clinging to the side of the glass. Bubbles slowly racing to the top and popping as it reaches the surface. It smelled sweet like I was running field full of fresh fruit.

 

"I didn't-"

 

"Oh, I know. It's from the hunk over there in the leather jacket," she whispered pointing towards someone

 

"Where?"

 

"Behind the bald guy in the flannel shirt."

 

By the time I managed to tell who she was pointing towards he already began walking out the door leaving only the stares of the other revellers in the bar as he left.

I tried to get out my seat when Suddenly, a group of people began to count down

 

"12"

 

"11"

 

The whole bar joined in.

 

"10"

 

"9"

 

"8"

 

"7"

 

Buzz buzz

 

"6"

 

"5"

 

I get my phone out of my handbag. Whilst trying to navigate through the crowd.

 

"4"

 

"3"

 

"2"

 

UNKNOWN

 

You look beautiful

 

"1"

 

"Happy New Year!"

 

I raced out of the bar and pushed a few people out the war as I slipped out the door but he was already lost in the crowd of people outside as they were cheering and celebrating. The cold air pieced through my skin and settled in my bones, I began shaking as I walked back to my apartment.

 

This time I was fine with being alone.

Breathe out

you're crumbling, sadly

 

14th February 2017

Amelia

I sat down comfortably in front of my computer screen, the only illumination in the room was that of the dimly lit monitor staring at me.
The light shone on my pale face as i read through my messages each one from the same unknown person, the details of the messages had various ranges of cute and creepy, the line between a compliment and an obsession had been blurred. Sighing, I turned off the monitor and just stared at myself in the reflection of the computer screen. I touched the sides of my face, pushing my skin back to make myself look thinner.

 

Breathe in I'm beautiful breathe out
Breathe in I'm-

 

The door flew open as my roommate Rose came in with bags of shopping hanging in packs around every limb, the plastic bags ripping at the seams. Her blonde hair that was once straight was now frizzy and reaching out towards the heavens.
She stumbled into the kitchen as she turned on every light switch that she passed until she reached far Corner of the room, placing the bags on top of the oak kitchen cupboards, staring at me in concern as she did so.

She paced towards me slowly fiddling with her pastel pink finger nails before squatting next to me, placing her hands on mine as she did so.

 

"Did you stay like this all day?" She asked with a voice as sweet as the honey scented shampoo she was wearing. I nodded, avoiding eye contact in fear that if I did for a second I could break.

 

"Well did you at least eat?" She asked voice dripping with distress, the faux fur of her pastel blue cardigan reaching out towards me like accusing fingers.

 

"I told you to stop with the eating thing, I'm getting better I promise," I whispered holding eye contact with Rose.

She stared back.

 

"Well I keep telling you to eat but you never do it, just eat!"She exclaimed, throwing her hands out.

 

We both sat in an uncomfortable silence, the only sound that we could hear were our deep breaths, each becoming faster and louder as if fighting for dominance before dying down like a fire in the rain.

 

"please just eat, I just want you to be okay." She looked me