The Player or the good guy?, NotWithoutMusik . [an ebook reader TXT] 📗

my heart dropped. Maybe he didn't like our relationship? Well, it wasn't even a relationship yet since he never asked me to be his girlfriend. 

"What?"

"Well, I want to be your boyfriend and I want you to be my girlfriend. Would you be my girlfriend?", he blurted out and then flushed red. I couldn't hold myself back and I just kissed him here, in front of all these people. Now I officially had a boyfriend. How amazing was that? 

"I would love to be your girlfriend.", I whispered and right now I felt happier than ever before. 

"Oh my god, did you hear about that kid who tried to kill himself?", I overheard two guys, who passed us. Shocked, I kept listening. 

"Yeah! They said his name was Peter or something"

 

Mo- 10. November 1977

 

It had been a week since I got the news about my brother trying to kill himself. He was still in the hospital wing for medical observation als Madame Pompfrey called it, but I knew that they really just wanted to watch over him. 

Peter and I had to lie our asses off to explain why he would kill himself and it all went back to our parents. Peter said that he couldn't handle the pressure anymore, that he felt like he had to get better grades, just be better at everything and that he chose the easy way out. I confirmed his story, but it was torture for me to see him like this and to lie to my best friends.

One night, I almost bled to death when I tried to go to Dumbledores office, wanting to tell him everything. I realized that I would pass out from the pain and blood loss before I could make it to the stairs, so I turned around and cleaned the corridors on my way back. It was horrible and when I closed my eyes to sleep, I got nightmares. I dreamed of Dalton who was laughing, my father who asked The Dark Lords permission to finally kill me and then they gave the knife to Peter. 'Kill her or we will kill you!', they said in a union and my dream always ended with Peter stabbing me, his face guilty and sad at the same time. 
I always knew that Peter was weak, that he would do anything to survive and the worst part about my dream was that I believed he would actually kill me to save himself. While I was thinking about that, I wondered. Why would he try to kill himself then? It was nothing like him to give up his life so easily. He was a surviver and a coward, he probably would have never jumped off a rooftop, unless ... someone had pushed him! 

Fucking Dalton. I felt the anger rise up inside me when I realized what was so obvious all along. That sly, evil bastard!

I realized that I now had stared into my food without moving for far too long, but Aya didn't notice it, she was too busy being fed by Fabian. She seemed to be in her own dreamworld and I feared that she was that kind of girl who would let down her best friend for her boyfriend. I mean, my 18th birthday was in two days and she had made no efforts whatsoever to show me that she even knew about it. 

"I have to go do my homework", I said and grabbed my bad while I got up. 

"Yeah, see you at Quidditch practice. I love you", Aya said and smiled at me and just when I thought that maybe she would notice my sorrow, she turned back to her boyfriend. It was probably better though, because that way I didn't have to lie to her about where I was really going. Which was to the Quidditch field, because I knew that the Slytherins were training there right now. 

"Hey, where are you going so fast?", a very familiar voice asked, a voice that I really didn't want to hear right now. Strong arms hugged me from behind and I felt that my boyfriend gave me a kiss on the hair. I sighted, because now I had to lie to the one I loved the most. My acting skills were really improving, still he always knew that something was up. 

"I wanted to go into the woods, you know. Run a little, think about stuff", I started the poor attempt of an excuse. Remus looked at me with his light brown eyes of a puppy and it was so hard not to just burst into tears right now to tell him everything. But I felt that he could see it in my eyes, he could see that I really needed to do this and so he let go of me. 

"One day you will have to tell me what you are doing. Because if you don't treat me as your boyfriend or even your best friend, I don't know if I can still be either of these things. I love you, Scar. But I won't wait forever." With these words he walked into the Great Hall and I was left with the worst feeling in the world. FUCK! But I didn't have time to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, I had to be strong and fight. I was already fighting the war that was going to come for all the others in some years, when The Dark Lord had gained enough followers. When he killed all the mudbloods. 

+

It didn't take me long to get to the Quidditch field, but nobody was training, all of the team was in the showers or got changed. When I stood in front of the door, waiting for Dalton, I had to think about the kiss with Sirius in a towel. 
More and more Slytherins passed me, until there was only one member of the team left. Dalton really showered for ages, but I didn't feel any need to go in there to talk to him. I waited for ten more minutes until I finally lost my patience and walked into the little cabin. 

"I have waited for you, my little dark Scar. You do live up to your name now, with your dark wound and all", Dalton said and I could feel that he was enjoying every word. I walked backwards, trying to push the door open but it didn't work. All my instincts told me to run the hell away and yet, I couldn't do anything but push against a locked door. 

"Do you think that I am this stupid? Lucius locked the door from the other side." At least Dalton wore his clothes already, that was the only thing I could think about right now. He came closer and closer to me, why did every boy have to do that to me? I quickly stepped left, but Dalton was quicker and put his hand against the wall. When Remus punched the wall, I found it sexy, but now I was scared. 

"You pushed Peter, didn't you?", I asked and surprisingly, I didn't sound as afraid as I truly was. 

"How clever you are, Scar. Yes, I did. I thought that he would take my threat more seriously if I did something real. But he still won't join us, he still wants to defend his friends. So I thought, the one thing he loves more than himself is you, right? I mean, you are his sister. Aren't the good guys always supposed to save their loved ones?", Dalton told me his plan any by now, my knees were so shaky that I was surprised I could still stand. His words frightened me, because he was totally wrong. Peter wouldn't die for me, he loved me, but he loved himself more. 

"What are you going to do to me?", I asked, afraid of the answer.

- 13 -

 

Birthday girl 

Mo- 10. Novemver 1977

 

"I am giving you a deadline. I mean, there will be a little birthdxay gift, but after that I will let you and Peter decide, if you will either both join us, or just him. You will tell me this until the 12th of December. Do not tell anyone but me, do you hear me. Oh, and if you don't join the Death Eaters, I don't know if you'll survive New Years Eve", Dalton threatened and I could feel a shiver running down my back. I could feel that he meant these words, because he was just a sick as my parents, enjoying to kill and torture people. It gave them power. 

"I can resign your birthday present, thank you very much", I spat into his face, not knowing where my confidence came from. Maybe I now knew from his words that he wouldn't kill me, at least not today. When I saw his face turning red, I wished that I hadn't been so confident. He came closer and closer now, so that I could smell his shampoo and the wooden smell of him. Our noses almost met when he talked, deadly slowly: "I do not like your tone. I prefer if girls obey me willingly, I love to see them in handcuffs, begging for me to kiss them. You, on the other hand, don't seem to fear me. Why is that?"

I was surprised by his question, mostly because he sounded so curious, as if he really wanted to know the answer. For some reason, my fear vanished from minute to minute, seeing that he was only big words. I cleared my throat and lifted my chin up, to look into his cold eyes: "I am stronger than most girls. I grew up with abusive parents, and I know what real pain is. You on the other hand are nothing. Just a little Slytherin seeking the attention of - Voldemort."

It probably scared me the most that I said his name, but Dalton also stepped backwards, giving the the space to step forward, away from the wall. He looked at me in disbelief, but just when I thought that I had scared him enough to let me go, he pulled out his wand and shouted: "Crucio!"

My whole body was on fire. I fell to the ground, whimmering and hugging my knees, closing my eyes and just praying for this feeling to stop. I wasn't going to scream, I knew how to scream in my head. And that I did. The pain was horrible, a thousand times worse than turning into an animal for the first time. I could feel my eyes crying, my nails pushed into my tights and my legs and I just suffered. 

Suddenly, the feeling stopped. Emptiness awaited me, then I got lifted up, I felt fresh and amazingly cold air on my face. I blinked, but it was too bright to see anything. I opened my eyes again and this time, I could see a face above me. It was a nice face, with bushy brown hair. He looked down to me and I could see worry in his brown eyes. "Everything is going to be okay", a blurry voice said and then, I closed my eyes again. I felt so tired. 

We- 12. Novemver 1977

 

I used to love my birthdays, I would always think that at the new age I could be better, the world would be