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go see them wich i thought was sweet and from there on every friday of every week me and Jueleous went on a date or a day out together staying in touch from a walk in a park to having a local burger at a diner to helping me study before school starts always coming home with inner joy then letting it out after closing the door to my room then yelling YES! with a pillow a pillow over my face did it last week after bringing me home from a movie when i got my first kiss on the lips nothing long lasting just a simple peck wishing me a goodnight just that moment alone gave me closure Ranice giving me a few looks as i walk by her with a smile from ear to ear but didn't rain on my parade i just kept going and enjoying my day Laitya sees me everyday happy and still hangout together most times during school hours and sometimes after if Jueleous is working overtime i went out to the backwoods one night before looking for Aidess but only stand before the living blessed tree wich alive and well still holding it's fruit but Aidess was nowhere to be found worries i lokked out my window some days waiting for him to show but nothing and no one ever did it was just me and myself no Aidess no Angel.Tuesday after school I was on my way to Latiya's house til dad stopped me at the door Dad:Hey kiddo we need to talk) catching me at a good time before turning the door knob Dad:Everyday i've seen you come home drop off your stuff then take off out the door now i think it's about time we spent some time together) holding a bucket and fishing pole I'm a little stubborn but follow behind as we walk down the country road to the lake half a mile from the house why not take the car? dad said we could use the exercise that's makes me feel much better now yea right.When we get there we take a seat on a rugged dock coated with a few vines and weeds with the water not to far up to our feet as they hang off the edge.Dad with his bait out talks to me about him and mom going threw their hard times and rarely paying me any attention as a kid you've seen your parents fight deep down you wanna say stop,don't do that but when you know it doesn't help what can you do? Dad:I'm sorry if i've put you aside and made you feel left out I'm just trying to make ends meet so we can all live comfortably just as we did when grandma was alive you know when the good old days for us were just right when she was there to keep us in line she wouldn't tolerate negativity in her house but now since she's gone it's like the meaning of family died with her and that's why as family we have to learn to fix things like this and work together but no matter what we go through just know honey that daddy loves you) kissing me on the forehead we get to our feet not catching anything i walk ahead while dad packs up approaching the road i stop in my tracks hearing a loud thump behind me turning around i see dad in pain on the ground with his hand on his chest i run to his recuse reaching in his pocket for his cellphone i call 911 rushing for them to get here then call mom while crying in panic being put in the back of the ambulance on a stretcher mom drives me back home in tears telling me over and over it's gonna be ok tapping her fingers on the steering wheel her mind is on edge as i sit in the passenger seat looking blank and worried with dry tears from my eye shadow thinking back when first meeting Aidess i start to wonder if he planned that or saw it happen if so I'm sure he has the answer.

 

Chapter.7

Day by day i seclude myself from everyone my mom Latiya and Jueleous anything i did i did alone from studying to eating to walking every night that went by i stood at the window staring at the woodlands as the bright moon shined wondering if i should go back there and find Aidess or if i was gonna ever see him again then walked to my dresser pulling the pills Aidess once stopped me from taking i think twice with a pause then pop three and get dressed sneaking out the house wearing my dark purple hoodie and black pants walking down the nightly country road leading into town i wanna see my dad since not seeing him in the last 2 and a half weeks i worry about how he's they're treating him in the hospital mom only visited him once while spending most of her time sobbing in her bedroom drinking herself to sleep that worries me even more somedays i came home from school i even seen her taking rum shots in the kitchen before starting her daily cleaning i peaked in mom's room before leaving to see her in a drunken slumber before heading out.When i get in town i approach the hospital going through the double doors and down the hallway without a line up of rooms some doors open others are closed nurses and doctors walk pace and rush by me getting to patients back and forth who are in need phones ring off the hook and children crying crowded like any other hospital wich made my stomach turn peaking from left to right in and out of rooms i finally my dad's who i see sleeping silently with an air tube up his nose and in his mouth almost coming to tears but keep myself in order then leave kissing him on the cheek '' I love you dad, then walk back on the streets then walk home.On my way back i feel dizzyness come onto me as the pills were starting to kick in as i am just half way to the house.I puke up while stumbling under intoxication with my vision in a blur i roll down a hill unable to stand any longer hitting my head against a tree trunk laying on my back i slowly fall alseep looking up at the sky i see the blurry vision of a dove perched on a branch.Aidess:Good morning) i sit up to find myself in an open field under the tree i fell under seeing Aidess sit next to me still wearing the same tan suit and shoes with the wind blowing through his hair looking ahead as the horses in the distance feed on the grass i tell him about my father's situation but cuts me off before getting half way through the story Aidess:I know of your father's condition i was there seeing how it happened seeing how you two sat at the lake as he spoke with you with concern but it's not that you don't know the meaning of family you just haven't sat down and been one for a while just looking into your eyes i can see your fear of losing him)with all that is said i ask without hesitation''will he make it? Aidess looks forward telling me i have til sunset then walks down into the field walking towards nowhere.I run home and up to my room where i sob into my pillow while punching my mattress letting it all out knowing how i was gonna lose my dad today.Monday comes and my father is dead mom getting the call from the hospital drinks away her life while getting up for school everyday with only silence to my lips the whole day Latiya tries cheering me up but gives up and together we eat and sit silently without words even when we wants to at least make me smile or a little happy telling me how he's looking down at me wanting me to move forward and do the right thing for my life it's funny hearing this from her because i've heard the same lecture from everybody who's ever saw me going the opposite way we've known eachother for only a few months so what does she know anyway? i get up and walk away ignoring her call my name while storming down the hallway Ranice stops me in my tracks along with her crew Ranice:I just wanna tell you that i'm sorry about your father's passing my father wasn't around so that made you lucky and i just....) i push through her and her crowd not thinking of what they would do or say.I pop 3 pills with 2 left in the capsule on my way home.When i get in the house mom is gone and i run upstairs to the bathroom where i sit against the tub with my head leaning back with silence throughout the house while i enjoy my high i fall asleep then wake up in a different bathroom sitting on dirty and wet tile light shinning through a foggy window a small dirty sink and tub behind full of rust and mold i look around in confusion trying to figure what's going on i get up to my feet snapping my fingers in my ears to wake up out this illusion I'm in but does me no good as i hear numerous tapping against the other side of the door approaching with caution i open it duck for cover as a flock of crows fly out at me waking up quick puking in the toilet then get myself washed up for dinner as i hear mom downstairs calling my name later that night me and mom sit at the table as i stare down at my plate mom drops her fork looking at me showing i'm guilty of doing something wrong Mom: i know you have my pills i could tell by the way you walk in here and the way eyes look not to mention i also found puke stains on your shoes when i went in to do your laundry so where are the pills?) i say nothing and mom asks me again i get up to go to my room but get grabbed by the arm mom stopping me from leaving her sight asking me again with a stronger tone and i pull away'' I'm 14 years old mom and like any other 14 year old i have my days so calling me drug addict or a pheen head will only make the way I been feeling lately worse with that said i go to my room locking my door fustrated i go in my dresser to get the last two pills and a dove flies to my window looking at the pure white bird i go into deep thought thinking back on everything that's happened to me in the last few months thinking back on the last words grandma told me (we are an army of one as a family) i go in the bathroom and dump the pills in the sink then look myself in the mirror with a head full of questions''what's wrong with me?

 

Chapter.8

At my father's funeral dressed in a black strapless dress and matching heels mom sobs on my shoulder while clinging close to me as the priest speaks in prayer and good things of my father he gives blessings over the well polished black coffin in wich my father's body lays seeing it i've already got the sobs and hurt out my system the tears are gone and sobs are faded all i can do now is watch and remember.Aidess stands behind the crowd across from me while keeping me in his sight no one else notices him but

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