The War From Within, James Anthony Love [e textbook reader .txt] 📗

I would never be bounded again.
Love no longer existed.


With love gone from my heart, hate was more then willing to take its place.
The months following my brief affair with Miss Nikki were filled with hatred. My heart and soul were both filled with it, hate intertwined with my blood causing it to become a part of my being.
My hate fueled my rage.
My rage controlled my body.
Rage and hormone in a child could prove to be a deadly mix. Not knowing how to control neither my rage nor my hormones, I could have gone mad. However, I am thankful that I did not do anything to stupid while these two emotions were battling for supremacy over my body.
While battling the rage that inflicted me, my hormones were going crazy. While other kids thoughts were on having fun with their friends, mine thoughts all centered around sex. I had tasted the forbidden fruit and now I could not forget its sweet nectar, I had to tasted it again. The only problem was that the encounter with Miss Nikki had left me scorned, causing me to become even more introverted towards the opposite sex. This in turned would caused me to be more antipathy.
The enemy worked double time on my psyche and on my body and he held full reign over both, causing me to hate others because I hated myself.
He had me wanting to hurt others because I was hurt. No one cared about me why should I care about them? I can’t even describe the imagines that went through my still childish mind. I wanted retribution for my pain and the only way was for others to feel the pain that I felt.
Though the enemy was pushing me towards the edge, I showed restraint. I would not allow myself to even contemplate following through with the thoughts that he place inside my mind. Instead I calm myself with logic. I thought that just like the light of day followed the darkness of night, so pleasure had to follow pain. I had been through so much misery that happiness had to come someday and not the fleeing happiness I had felt before, but bliss that would endured.
I was smart enough, or I had been through enough, to know that that form of pleasure would not be enjoy in the confinement that I was in. Nothing good could come out of a place that caused so much heartache. So I would have to just bide my time until my release would come. Then pleasure would follow and I would leave all of the pain I felt behind.
I made a pact with myself to not fall prey to any of the temptations that my surroundings easily provided. I would stay in the shadows for as long as I could. This way I would be out of others way and they would stay out of mines.
I did not know the future held be I knew that I was going to make it out of the hellish live I was leading and never looked back. How I was going to do it was still an unsolved mystery to me, but I knew that it was going to happen.
All I had to do was survive long enough to see that day.
This would tame the wild beast known as rage momentary, but I was still a walking time bomb waiting to explode.


Imprint

Publication Date: 07-31-2011

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
This Book is dedicated To: My Life, My Love, My Wife, Rechawnda