The Attache; Or, Sam Slick In England(Fiscle Part-3), Thomas Chandler Haliburton [best ereader for pdf TXT] 📗
- Author: Thomas Chandler Haliburton
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Silver Mounted Spurs, And A Beautiful White Cravat, Tied
Behind, So As To Have No Bows To It, And Look Meek. If
There Was A Good Man On Airth, You'd A Said It Was Him.
And He Seemed To Feel It, And Know It Too, For There Was
A Kind Of Look O' Triumph About Him, As If He Had Conquered
The Evil One, And Was Considerable Well Satisfied With
Himself.
"'H'are You,' Sais I, 'Elder, To-Day? Which Way Are You
From?"
"'From The General Christian Assembly, Sais He, 'To Goose
Creek. We Had A "_Most Refreshin' Time On't_." There Was
A Great "_Outpourin' Of The Spirit_."'
"'Well, That's Awful,' Says I, 'Too. The Magistrates
Ought To See To That; It Ain't Right, When Folks Assemble
That Way To Worship, To Be A-Sellin' Of Rum; And Gin,
And Brandy, And Spirits, Is It?'
"'I Don't Mean That,' Sais He, 'Although, P'rhaps, There
Was Too Much Of That Wicked Traffic Too, I Mean The
Preachin'. It Was Very Peeowerful; There Was "_Many
Sinners Saved_."
"'I Guess There Was Plenty Of Room For It,' Sais I,
'Onless That Neighbourhood Has Much Improved Since I
Knowed It Last.'
"'It's A Sweet Thing,' Sais He. 'Have You Ever "_Made
Profession_," Mr. Slick?'
"'Come,' Sais I To Myself, 'This Is Cuttin' It Rather
Too Fat. I Must Put A Stop To This. This Ain't A Subject
For Conversation With Such A Cheatin', Cantin',
Hippocrytical Skunk As This Is. Yes,' Sais I, 'Long Ago.
My Profession Is That Of A Clockmaker, And I Make No
Pretension To Nothin' Else. But Come, Let's Water Our
Hosses Here And Liquor Ourselves.'
"And We Dismounted, And Gave 'Em A Drop To Wet Their
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 162Mouths.
"'Now,' Sais I, A-Takin' Out Of A Pocket-Pistol That I
Generally Travelled With, 'I Think I'll Take A Drop Of
Grog;' And Arter Helpin' Myself, I Gives The Silver Cover
Of The Flask A Dip In The Brook, (For A Clean Rinse Is
Better Than A Dirty Wipe, Any Time), And Sais I, 'Will
You Have A Little Of The "_Outpourin' Of The Spirit?_"
What Do You Say, Elder?'
"'Thank You,' Sais He, 'Friend Slick. I Never Touch
Liquor, It's Agin Our Rules.'
"And He Stooped Down And Filled It With Water, And Took
A Mouthful, And Then Makin' A Face Like A Frog Afore He
Goes To Sing, And Swellin' His Cheeks Out Like A Scotch
Bagpiper, Be Spit It All Out. Sais He, 'That Is So Warm,
It Makes Me Sick; And As I Ain't Otherwise Well, From
The Celestial Exhaustion Of A Protracted Meetin', I
Believe I Will Take A Little Drop, As Medicine.'
"Confound Him! If He'd A Said He'd Only Leave A Little
Drop, It Would A Been More Like The Thing; For He E'en
A'most Emptied The Whole Into The Cup, And Drank It Off
Clean, Without Winkin'.
"'It's A "_Very Refreshin' Time_,"' Sais I, 'Ain't' It?'
But He Didn't Make No Answer. Sais I, 'That's A Likely
Beast Of Yourn, Elder,' And I Opened Her Mouth, And Took
A Look At Her, And No Easy Matter Nother, I Tell You,
For She Held On Like A Bear Trap, With Her Jaws. "'She
Won't Suit You,' Sais He, "With A Smile, 'Mr. Slick.'
"'I Guess Not,' Sais I.
"'But She'll Jist Suit The French,' Sais He.
"'It's Lucky She Don't Speak French Then,' Sais I, 'Or
They'd Soon Find Her Tongue Was Too Big For Her Mouth.
That Critter Will Never See Five-And-Twenty, And I'm A
Thinkin', She's Thirty Year Old, If She Is A Day.'
"'I Was A Thinkin', Said He, With A Sly Look Out O' The
Corner Of His Eye, As If Her Age Warn't No Secret To Him.
'I Was A Thinkin' It's Time To Put Her Off, And She'll
Jist Suit The French. They Hante Much For Hosses To Do,
In A Giniral Way, But To Ride About; And You Won't Say
Nothin' About Her Age, Will You? It Might Endamnify A
Sale.'
"'Not I,' Sais I, 'I Skin My Own Foxes, And Let Other
Folks Skin Their'n. I Have Enough To Do To Mind My Own
Business, Without Interferin' With Other People's.'
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 163"'She'll Jist Suit The French,' Sais He; 'They Don't Know
Nothin' About Hosses, Or Any Thing Else. They Are A Simple
People, And Always Will Be, For Their Priests Keep 'Em
In Ignorance. It's An Awful Thing To See Them Kept In
The Outer Porch Of Darkness That Way, Ain't It?'
"'I Guess You'll Put A New Pane O' Glass In Their Porch,'
Sais I, 'And Help Some O' Them To See Better; For Whoever
Gets That Mare, Will Have His Eyes Opened, Sooner Nor He
Bargains For, I Know.'
"Sais He, 'She Ain't A Bad Mare; And If She Could Eat
Bay, Might Do A Good Deal Of Work Yet,' And Be Gave A
Kinder Chuckle Laugh At His Own Joke, That Sounded Like
The Rattles In His Throat, It Was So Dismal And Deep,
For He Was One O' Them Kind Of Fellers That's Too Good
To Larf, Was Steve.
"Well, The Horn O' Grog He Took, Began To Onloosen His
Tongue; And I Got Out Of Him, That She Come Near Dyin'
The Winter Afore, Her Teeth Was So Bad, And That He Had
Kept Her All Summer In A Dyke Pasture Up To Her Fetlocks
In White Clover, And Ginn' Her Ground Oats, And Indgian
Meal, And Nothin' To Do All Summer; And In The Fore Part
Of The Fall, Biled Potatoes, And He'd Got Her As Fat As
A Seal, And Her Skin As Slick As An Otter's. She Fairly
Shined Agin, In The Sun.
"'She'll Jist Suit The French', Said He, 'They Are A
Simple People And Don't Know Nothin', And If They Don't
Like The Mare, They Must Blame Their Priests For Not
Teachin' 'Em Better. I Shall Keep Within The Strict Line
Of Truth, As Becomes A Christian Man. I Scorn To Take A
Man In.'
"Well, We Chatted Away Arter This Fashion, He A Openin'
Of Himself And Me A Walk In' Into Him; And We Jogged
Along Till We Came To Charles Tarrio's To Montagon, And
There Was The Matter Of A Thousand French People Gathered
There, A Chatterin', And Laughin', And Jawin', And
Quarrellin', And Racin', And Wrastlin', And All A Givin'
Tongue, Like A Pack Of Village Dogs, When An Indgian
Comes To Town. It Was Town Meetin' Day.
"Well, There Was A Critter There, Called By Nickname,
'Goodish Greevoy,' A Mounted On A White Pony, One O' The
Scariest Little Screamers, You Ever See Since You Was
Born. He Was A Tryin' To Get Up A Race, Was Goodish, And
Banterin' Every One That Had A Hoss To Run With Him.
"His Face Was A Fortin' To A Painter. His Forehead Was
High And Narrer, Shewin' Only A Long Strip O' Tawny Skin,
In A Line With His Nose, The Rest Bein' Covered With
Hair, As Black As Ink, And As Iley As A Seal's Mane. His
Volume 2 Chapter 12 (Tattersall's Or, The Elder And The Grave Digger) Pg 164Brows Was Thick, Bushy And Overhangin', Like Young
Brush-Wood On A Cliff, And Onderneath, Was Two Black
Peerin' Little Eyes, That Kept A-Movin' About, Keen,
Good-Natured, And Roguish, But Sot Far Into His Skull,
And Looked Like The Eyes Of A Fox Peepin' Out Of His Den,
When He Warn't To Home To Company Hisself. His Nose Was
High, Sharp, And Crooked, Like The Back Of A Reapin'
Hook, And Gave A Plaguy Sight Of Character To His Face,
While His Thinnish Lips, That Closed On A Straight Line,
Curlin' Up At One Eend, And Down At The Other, Shewed,
If His Dander Was Raised, He Could Be A Jumpin', Tarin',
Rampagenous Devil If He Chose. The Pint Of His Chin
Projected And Turned Up Gently, As If It Expected, When
Goodish Lost His Teeth, To Rise In The World In Rank Next
To The Nose. When Good Natur' Sat On The Box, And Drove,
It Warn't A Bad Face; When Old Nick Was Coachman, I Guess
It Would Be As Well To Give Master Frenchman The Road.
"He Had A Red Cap On His Head, His Beard Hadn't Been Cut
Since Last Sheep Shearin', And He Looked As Hairy As A
Tarrier; His Shirt Collar, 'Which Was Of Yaller Flannel,
Fell On His Shoulders Loose, And A Black Hankercher Was
Tied Round His Neck, Slack Like A Sailor's. He Wore A
Round Jacket And Loose Trowsers Of Homespun With No
Waistcoat, And His Trowsers Was Held Up By A Gallus Of
Leather On One Side, And Of Old Cord On The Other. Either
Goodish Had Growed Since His Clothes Was Made, Or His
Jacket And Trowsers Warn't On Speakin' Tarms, For They
Didn't Meet By Three Or Four Inches, And The Shirt Shewed
Atween Them Like A Yaller Militia Sash Round Him. His
Feet Was Covered With Moccasins Of Ontanned Moose Hide,
And One Heel Was Sot Off With An Old Spur And Looked Sly
And Wicked. He Was A Sneezer That, And When He Flourished
His Great Long Withe Of A Whip Stick, That Looked Like
A Fishin' Rod, Over His Head, And Yelled Like All Possessed,
He Was A Caution, That's A Fact.
"A Knowin' Lookin' Little Hoss, It Was Too, That He Was
Mounted On. Its Tail Was Cut Close Off To The Stump,
Which Squared Up His Rump, And Made Him Look Awful Strong
In The Hind Quarters. His Mane Was "Hogged" Which Fulled
Out The Swell And Crest Of The Neck, And His Ears Being
Cropped, The Critter Had A Game Look About Him. There
Was A Proper Good Onderstandin' Between Him And His Rider:
They Looked As If They Had Growed Together, And Made One
Critter--Half Hoss, Half Man With A Touch Of The Devil.
"Goodish Was All Up On Eend By What He Drank, And Dashed
In And Out Of The Crowd Arter A Fashion, That Was Quite
Cautionary, Callin' Out, 'Here Comes "The Grave-Digger."
Don't Be Skeered, If Any Of You Get Killed, Here Is The
Hoss That Will Dig His Grave For Nothin'. Who'll Run A
Lick Of A Quarter Of A Mile, For A Pint Of Rum. Will You
Run?' Said He, A Spunkin' Up To The Elder, 'Come, Let's
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