BLOODWORTH, Tai Goodman [ebook reader macos .txt] 📗

looked at him. "How do you know German?"

 

"A Nazi bastard walked into my store, we had a conversation about tanks moving up and down the streets." Phoenix shook his head. "Well, great. I guess we have a way out."

 

The four waltzed into the tank garage, and then a Nazi lunged on Stanley with a knife. He was aiming to slit open his heart. "STAB THIS!"

Phoenix kicked the Nazi's head with great force, and snapped his neck. "Check him for keys, I know this thing needs keys." 

 

Peter inserted his hands into all of the Nazi's pockets. "Nope." Phoenix searched around the garage and found a rack full of keys. All of a sudden, a huge mechanical and annoying sound echoed from the garage door opening. "SHIT! GET IN THE THING!"

Abhy climbed on top of the tank, and pryed the top entrance point open for Stanley and Peter. Once the two climbed in, the garage door was 1/4 of the way open. 

 

"PHOENIX!"

 

The keys had no distinction, but numbers on them. "SCREW IT!"

He snatched all of the keys, right as the garage halfway opened. Nazis crouched underneath and started shooting up the tank, right when Phoenix fell in, closing the door over him. Stanley held the handle to prevent Nazis from entering. "Alright, I've got like 10 keys, you better hold that thing!"

 

"Got it!" Stanley agreed. A Kommandant entered. "Lass sie nicht davonkommen, mach den Tank auf, JETZT!" 

Two soldiers climbed on the sides of the tank, and reached the top. Once they reached the hatch, the tank started moving. 

 

"SCHISSE!"
"NEIN!"

 

The tank then steamrolled over the kommandant, flattening him into blood, guts, and bones. "Well well well... Let's see how many Nazis we can turn into flapjacks." Phoenix drove the tank around, while the Blimp hovered over Baton Rouge.

 

Peter was on the cannon. "You know how to fire that thing, Peter?" 

"I can learn!"

 

Peter pulled a trigger and fired the cannon, blowing up a police car. "I learned!"

 

 

Chapter X: Rolling Thunder

Nazis started to surround the tank. "ÖFFNEN SIE DEN TANK! TÖTE SIE!" 

Phoenix ran over three Nazis, one survived, however. The tank crushed the man's legs. His partner ran over to him. "HANS!"

 

"Jefoft! Es geht mir gut, töte diese Arschlöcher!" Hans said, grasping the broken remains of his legs. Jefoft placed his hand on his shoulder, nodded, and started shooting the tank, wasting ammunition. Phoenix said, "We need a way out! Too many of them to just drive home!" 

The tank drove onto a bridge as more cars arrived. The hatch on the tank started creasing open. Stanley held onto it with all of his weight. "THEY'RE ON THE ROOF!"

 

Peter spun the tank barrel around, knocking the Nazis off but one. The one standing on the hatch was struggling to maintain equilibrium on the small platform. "MEIN GOTT!" 

Stanley opened the hatch, and shot the man several times. "CLEAR!" 

The hatch shut. The corpse rolled off, and fell under the moving wheels of the tank. Jefoft ran by the side of the tank and started shooting it. "ABSCHAUM!"

 

The barrel spun over to Jefoft, and blew him up with an unnecessary projectile. All of a sudden, the ground started shaking. "WHAT IN THE FUCK'S GOING ON?" The bridge was becoming unstable. Cracks formed underneath the tank, leading halfway across the bridge, and over to Hans. The pavement Hans was sitting on had a huge crack circling it. Then the bridge collapsed. "HOLY SHIT!"

The tank fell through, and landed in a river going downhill. "HOLD-" The tank started rolling down, along with Hans. "SCHIIIISSSEEEE!" 

 

Then at the very end, the tank stopped rolling, and Hans crashed into the flipped vehicle. "ARGH! MEIN GOTT! MEIN BEINE!" He clutched his legs in pain and agony. 

 

"Am I dead? Did I really die in that crash? At least I died in a tank." Then Phoenix's vest electrocuted him and the others. 

 

"AAHHHHH!"
"A-A-AAGHH!"

"MMMMAAAAA!"
"RRRNGHHH!!" 

 

Phoenix was alive, again. His vest was out of serum. "We all alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks a lot for shocking us."

 

"No problem."

 

"That was sarcasm."

 

Phoenix shrugged, feeling the back of his head. "GodDAMN! There's ringing in my fucking ears! Gosh, make it stop!" he whined. Stanley rustled his hair, and opened the hatch. Pulling himself out, he noticed Hans against the side of the tank. "WHAT THE F- NAZI!!!!" 

Hans said, "NEIN! NEEEIN!! I SURRENDER!" 

Stanley pulled his knife out, and fell out of the tank. Phoenix poked his head out and said, "STAN! STAN! STOP, right there. I've got a better idea for this fucker."

 

"I hate Nazis. I hate racists. I hate Mike and I like Ike. But each of these have uses. No matter how bad it's messed up. And one of the things I named will make a great punching bag."

 

PHOENIX'S RESIDENCE

He pulled a huge sack into the garage, and dragged out a folding chair. As he untied the knot of the sack, he grabbed the legless torso and placed it on the chair. 

 

"HEY! RISE AND SHINE, ASSHOLE!"

 

Phoenix slapped him across the face. "AAGH! SCHTOP! I'm avake!"

 

"Alright. What's your name, boy?"

 

"Hans." 

 

"Hans WHAT. Hans Gretel?"

 

"You are ein dummkopf, you are referring to ze fairy tale. Nein. Mein name is Hansel Franfuber."

Phoenix smiled and spun the tip of his knife on his finger, delicately balancing it. "Alright, Franfucker. Answer my questions and I might not feed you to my neighbor's dog."

 

"Alvight."

 

"Where you from? You're obviously German, so where in German?"

 

"Frankfurt."

 

"Great, so you're a motherfucking hot-dog." 

 

"Ugh... Your sense of humor is waning, mein friend."

 

"I ain't your friend. I'm the man who'll kill you if you don't cooperate in a way I like. I'm the man who has access to replacing your legs. I'm the man who has access to throwing your scrawny little ass over the fence to the neighbor's hounds like I told you." 

 

Phoenix grabbed a blowtorch, pulled the trigger, and a flame sparked out. "Alright. Tell me something. You know a man named Dobkin Schroeder?"

 

"...Who?"

 

Phoenix made the flame approach the man's neck. "YOU'RE A BIT DEAF, AREN'T YOU?" 

 

"ALRIGHT! YES! I KNOW WHO HE IS! You just... uh.."

 

"WHAT. WHAT IS IT. SPIT IT OUT OR I'LL BOIL THE SPIT IN YOUR THROAT!"

 

"YOU SAID HIS NAME WRONG! Is: Dovkin Schriener."

 

"Alright, smartass."

 

Abhy walked into the garage. "How is our guest?" she naively asked. Phoenix shot her a look and said, "Abhy, this isn't our guest, he's a fucking Nazi! They're not friends, they're enemies!"

"Oh."

"Look, I'm- I'm sorry I smarted off to you like that, it's just- We can't trust these people! They're racist! Communistic! And they kidnapped you. And you're more important to me than everything in the world."

 

She nodded and smiled a little bit. "Well... It just doesn't seem right to leave him there. He has no legs! He's helpless, Phoenix!"

 

"Ja, ja! Listen to your vife!"

 

Phoenix then changed his mind. "Alright, listen to me. You've got two choices, TWO choices. Number one, you join us. You leave the reich and all that nonsense behind, and we build you a new set of legs. Me, Stan, and Pete can make good tech for those stumps you got. OR you can choose option two, and I can kill you then string you up like a pinata so me and my boys can beat your ass with my autographed baseball bat! Then we'll throw your beaten up corpse over the fence to the neighbor's dogs-"

 

"ALVIGHT! ALVIGHT! No more of the dogs! I vill leave ze reich! I am not un Nazi!"

 

"Good."

 

Phoenix leaned in and said: "You think about hurting anyone, say you're gonna, or try to hurt anybody, I'll find out. And then... I'll find YOU."

 

"Yes Herr.... Herr.."

 

"Hair what?"

 

"Vhat is your name?"

 

"Phoenix."

 

"Yas, Herr Phoenix."

 

Chapter XI: The Robbery

 "Never committed a serious crime in my life. Well, not until they came. But now... I'll do something I never would have done if it wasn't for Adolf. Robbing a bank. Mission briefing:

 

1. Bust in.

2. Bust the cap in the Nazis' asses.

3. Bust into the vault.

4. Grab all the loot.

5. Bail.

 

Easy as pie."

 

LOUISIANA BANK OF TRUST AND FUNDS

 

Phoenix put on his mask. A jackpot machine was displayed, and the slots all turned into: 777.

 

Stanley stood on a rooftop with a hunting rifle. "Come in, Black Dog."

Phoenix responded to his earbud. "I'm all ears, Soaring Eagle."

Peter put on a ski mask and said, "I can hear you."

 

Phoenix responded, "Loud and proud, Crowd Control. Initiating mission in 5... 4... 3... Screw it, GO!" 

Phoenix and Peter ran into the building. "EVERYONE, ON THE GROUND! ON THE GROUND! KISS THE FLOOR!" Peter screamed. Phoenix aimed his gun at the innocent crowd. "DO WHAT HE SAYS, OR YOU'RE ALL DEAD." Innocent citizens hit the ground, blocking the back of their heads with their hands.

Peter sprinted down the aisle of banktellers, aiming his gun. "JUMP OVER THE COUNTER, GIMME YOUR HANDS!"

 

Banktellers opened up the windows and climbed out. Peter cable tied their hands together. "We don't want you to do anything with your hands other than pray to God we won't pop you. Stay down, think of your loved ones, because if you resist, you won't see 'em ever again!"

Peter jumped over the counter and destroyed all of the "SECURITY" buttons. 

Phoenix searched for the main bankteller. "Alright! Which of you knows how to get into the vault! If you don't tell me now, I'll start shooting each of your friends until you admit it!"

 

One of the hostages rose her hands. "Get your ass up and c'mere!" 

Peter aimed his gun at the crowd, and a security guard poked his head out, aiming his pistol. "SHIT!" 

Peter fired his silenced weapon and killed the guard with a headshot. Phoenix dragged the hostage over to the vault. "OPEN IT. HURRY UP, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SLOWPOKES!" 

 

The woman inserted her keycard into the slot, and the vault opened up. "Great. Now get back to the lobby and sit the fuck down!" Phoenix ordered. The woman walked back into the lobby. Peter shoved her to the ground. "OOF!"

"Alright everybody, we're not gonna be here any longer. Everybody stay put!"

 

Phoenix walked into the vault full of packs and packs of dollars. They were aligned in symmetrical order on top of tables. Phoenix grabbed a stack, and noticed Adolf Hitler's face on it. "I hate to be taking this, but I gotta." He inserted the money into a bag, and continued. One bag full, and he tossed it out. Peter retrieved the bag, and noticed a hostage standing up. "I SAID GET DOWN! WHAT'S THE MATTER, DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH?"

 

Phoenix tossed out another bag. "PETE! GET READY TO PULL OUT!" 

He called Stanley. "Soaring Eagle, we've got Lucy's Present. Get to the Cow Catcher, over." 

"Roger that, Black Dog."

 

Stanley climbed down the ladder of the building. Phoenix came out of the vault with a bag. "ALRIGHT! CITIZENS OF LOUISIANA, WE HAVE ONE FINAL