The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple, A. Marsh [great book club books .txt] 📗

to be found in his Counting-house or at the Change, thinks it is abundance too early in July, so much as to look upon the reckoning of last New-year, much less to pay it.

Nevertheless others have their Creditors also, and this Bill of Exchange, and that Assignment must be paid at their due times; yea, and the Winter is approaching, Wood and Coals must be bought, the Cellar furnisht with Beer and Wine, and some Firkins of Butter, and provision made for the powdring-tub to be filled, as well as several other sorts of necessaries for the Family that will be wanting. Insomuch that this affords but a very slight appearance of concluding the year in Pleasure.

But, O carefull House Father, if you knew in what a happy age you live, you would not go away so dissatisfied, but imbrace all these affairs very joifully for extraordinary Pleasures.

Hitherto you have gone forward like one young and unexperienced, and have meant with Master Dolittle, alias John the Satisfied, that things were to be done with kissing, licking, dallying, and other fidle fadles; but now you are come to a more sober, serious understanding, and to have mans knowledge, and the same prudent conduct that your Parents and Friends had, when they were assembled together about your Contract of Marriage, and then thought of all these things. Now you are grown to be a Master of Arts in the University of Wedlock. And great Juno laught, that Venus hath so long hoodwink'd you.

Come on then, these films being now fallen, from your eys, do but observe how prudent carefull Time hath made you, and how circumspect and diligent you begin to be that you may get through the World with honour, commendations, and good respect; how like a care taking Father you are now providing for your Wife, Children, and whole Family. Oh if your Father and Mother were now alive, how would they rejoice in this your advancement; which are indeed the upright Pleasures of Marriage. For all married people, draw the cares, here mentioned, along with them; though they come with a bag full of mony about their necks in to the World.

Do but see, till now you have had a brave and splendant house, paid great rent, only for your self and family to live in; now you begin to consider with understanding and Pleasure, whether a dwelling of less price would not serve as well, in which you might have a Chamber or two that you could let out to some civil Gentlemen, who might diet with you; it would help to pay the rent, and bring some profit in besides; and it is all one trouble for boiling, roasting, and going to Market: the day goes about nevertheless, and the Maid suits her work accordingly. And moreover, you have good company of them in your house, and alwaies either one or another at dinner begins to relate some kind of pretty discourse, that is continually very pleasurable and delightfull to be heard.

Observe how glad your Wife is concerning this resolution! There hath not been these three years any Proclamation published, which pleased her fancy better: for now her husband will have some pastime, and good company at home, so that he needs not go to seek it in the evening in Alehouses or other places. Well who cannot but see here how one may learn through honest Time and Experience, what Pleasures they are accompanied with?

But stay a little, and to be serious with you, when you get such guests, you'l see how they will plague you; for the general imaginations of such Gentlemen are, that all the monies they spend, is pure gain, and that the Landlord and Landlady alwaies ought to provide such sort of diet as they have most a mind to: and though it be never so well drest, yet there shall hardly come one dish to the Table, but they will be finding fault that this hath too much pepper in it, and that too much salt, &c. Besides all this, both Maids and Men, and all what's in the house, must be at their commands; nay be readier and nimbler to serve them then their Master and Mistriss. And that's more, you are deprived of the whole freedom of your house and table. It happens also many times, that they have so many visiters, and runners after them, that they require more attendance; and the maid hath more work with them alone, then the whole house-keeping besides.

This is the general course of all fellow Commoners; I will not say any thing of a worser sort, which are many times amongst them; who run in the mornings to Strong-water Shops, and in the afternoon to Taverns; where they so disguise themselves, that one must be ashamed for honest people who are in the Shop, or standing upon the flore, that sees them either come in a dores or down from their Chambers, hardly able to stand; besides they value not if they tarry out late at nights; and, if it be possible, they will intice the good man of the house to debauch with them. And then again they are seldom free from private chatting and pratling with the Maid and Men servants.

But perhaps you may light of a better sort, which Time, who is the mother of all things, will make appear. Let it be as it will, here is alwaies pleasure and delight to be expected for the good man, because the good woman by this means increaseth to more knowledge of housholding affairs; and therefore is alwaies busie, like a prudent mother, in educating, governing, and instructing her children.

Yea, if you, O Father of the Family, will go a little further, and behold with clear eys, how far your wife, through these bad times, is advanced in understanding and knowledge; I do assure you, you will find your self as ravisht with joy; because this is as great a transformation as ever Ovid writ of. For whereas at the beginning of your marriage, all her cogitations were imploied for the buying of large Venetian Looking-glasses, Indean Chainy, Plush Stools and Chairs, Turkish Tapistry, rich Presses and Tables, yea and whatsoever else was needfull for neatness and gallantry; we see now, that all her sences are at work, where ever they may or can be, to save and spare all things, and to take care that there may not so much as a match negligently be thrown away.

Formerly, your good wife used, by reason of her youth, and want of knowledge, to walk very stately, hand in hand with you, along the streets, finically trickt up with powdered locks, and a laced Gorget and Gown, and had commonly need of, at the least, three hours time, before she, with the help of two serviceable assistants, could be put to her mind in her dress; and then again all her discourse was of walking or riding abroad, and of junketting and merriment; whereas now on the contrary, seeing the small gain, she is sparing of all things, and ordring it to the best advantage for the family; without so much as setting one foot out of her House or Counter unnecessarily. Never thinking more of gadding abroad, to take pleasure; but finds all her delight by being busie in her houskeeping, amongst her children and servants. Here you may behold her driving the maid forwards, and setting her a spinning, to keep the sleep out of her eys; and with this intent also that she may have the delight to get yarn enough ready towards Winter, to let a brave Web of Linnen be woven for the service of the Family. Yea, and here she shews you, that though before she was but a Bartholomew Baby, that she is now grown to be a brave houswife. And that, if need requires, she can put a hand to the plough stoutly.

O happy man, who in such a sad and troublesom time, can find out so many Pleasures of Marriage, and who art already so well instructed in that most illustrious School!

'Tis true, you will meet with some jeering prattle-arses, that will say, is this that brave couple, that there was such a noise made of when they were married! Is this the Gentlewoman that used to go so costly in her Gorgets and Gowns! Goes she now with a plain wastcoat! alas and welladay! doth her feathers begin to hang thus! Well, is this the Gentlewoman that used alwaies to keep two maids! Can she now make a shift with a little wench that earns her wages with spinning, and her diet with doing the house work? it must certainly ly very nastily and sluttishly at her house.

'Tis very true, this might happen to you, and it would seem to eclipse the Sun of your Pleasures of Marriage very much; if you had not now, O well matcht Couple, through the instruction of the winged Time, gotten such prudent eys that you can easily see through such vain and simple Clouds.

But now you apprehend, to your great joy and comfort, that this arrow comes out of the Quiver of such as are indebted to every body, and suffer themselves daily to be durrid; who are continually pratling with the Neighbors, and gadding along the streets; they take notice of every dore that opens, and neglect their own houskeeping having no understanding to govern it; the dishes, pots and pans are alwaies standing in the middle of the flore; and Benches and Stools are all covered and ly filled with the Childrens dirty clouts, and the