Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

can be along process. Reaching the point where we can forgive is atremendous gift. Recurring flashbacks and nightmares about theabuse are not something any of us want to live with for the rest ofour lives.

When true forgiveness happens, it is to becherished and celebrated. It means that deep healing has occurred.It means we have begun to transcend something that was terriblypainful. We have begun to overcome the past.

Until we are ready to forgive, it can betherapeutic to speak words of forgiveness out loud or write them ina journal, even if we don’t really believe them yet. Saying thewords “I forgive you” can help us get in touch with all the reasonswe can’t forgive. Speaking words of forgiveness can help us toprocess the pain, anger, and resentment that still lies withinus.

Hanging on to anger and resentment caneventually hurt us more than the abuser. It drains our energy andkeeps us focused on events in our past that were very negative.Yes, we need to allow ourselves to feel our feelings. But yes, itdoes feel better when we can finally let go.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Forgiving Abusers

Sometimes I say words of forgiveness out loudbecause it helps me get in touch with all the reasons I can’tforgive. It brings up all the pain and anger still inside ofme.

“I forgive you for your betrayal and yourtreachery. As cruel as you were, I forgive you anyway. I forgiveyou for hurting me, and I give your pain back to you. I forgive youfor the things you did to hurt me.

I forgive the blackness in your heart. Iforgive you for the times you couldn’t love me, the times when youwere cold and unavailable. I forgive you for your abuse and foryour rage. For trying to scare me, control me, and use me for yourown purposes.

I forgive your lack of concern for the way Ifelt. I forgive your ignorance and your cruelty.

I know there is a better person inside of yousomewhere, even if you could not show it when you were abusing me.You need to heal your own pain, grief, and fear. I am notresponsible for you. I am responsible for me.

I let go of what you did to me. I forgiveyou.”

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #2:Forgiving Ourselves

I have to let go. I need to move forward. Idon’t want these memories renting space in my head anymore. I wantto release my pain and my fear. I want to get past my temptation tosabotage myself and go back to my addictions. I want to transcendmy anger and my resentments.

What is the solution? Forgiveness. Forgivingmy inner child for being afraid. For wanting to survive. Forwanting to be loved. For wanting to trust and have someone he couldrely on. For wanting to be taken care of.

I need to cry and I need to grieve. But mostof all, I need to forgive. Forgive myself for everything I did anddidn’t do. For everything I wanted and didn’t want. For all of mylove and all of my hate, all of my fear and all of my strength. Toforgive every part of me that did what was necessary to surviveyears of abuse.

Process Questions

Who in my life will I eventually need toforgive?

What feelings come up for me when I think offorgiving that person?

What makes it difficult for me to forgivehim/her?

What would have to happen for me to forgivehim/her?

Think about all of the reasons you resentthis person. Then practice saying, “I forgive you for (each item)”out loud, several times. Repeat this process daily until you beginto believe it. Write down whatever feelings come up for you and thereasons you find it difficult to forgive that person.

How can I process my feelings about thisperson? (Write him/her a letter I do not send, talk to a counseloror friend about what he/she did, sit with my feelings, cry, do somejournaling, etc…)

Chapter 25 –Values

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end upsomewhere else.”

-Yogi Bera

To discover what we truly value, we need toask ourselves a few important questions. What is it that I treasureand hold in high esteem? How do I spend my time and my money?

If we find that we are placing too muchemphasis on the wrong things, it may be time to make a change. Whatwould we like to focus on? Is our behavior consistent with ourvalues? Will our actions bring about our heart’s desire?

Most of us don’t set out to become alcoholicsor addicts, because addictive behavior is not consistent with ourvalues. Addictions develop over time. They often grow worse withoutus even realizing it.

Each person’s values are slightly different,but most of us have similar beliefs about the difference betweenright and wrong. When we fail to live by our personal code ofconduct, we are not living with integrity.

How do we feel when we look honestly at ourbehaviors, our actions, and the direction of our lives? Does ourbehavior measure up to our personal standards?

When our actions cause serious harm to othersor ourselves, we may experience something deeper than guilt. We maybelieve that our actions are immoral or evil. Often the toughestjudge and the harshest critic is the one inside our own heads.

Sometimes our morals and values are like acompass, pointing us in the direction of true north. They can tellus which actions and behaviors lead to a better life, positiveself-esteem, and greater love for ourselves and others.

Other times we judge ourselves unfairly. Webecome too critical and demanding. If we can never do a good enoughjob and can never get it right, we will always feel guilty andashamed. It’s important to try to keep this darker side of ourvalues in check so it doesn’t take control of our lives. Thisshame-based part of us grows stronger as we grow weaker. It wantsus to hurt.

It’s important to remember that we don’t haveto be perfect, but must always work to improve ourselves. We are ona journey from a state