Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

feels self-destructive. A part of them that doesn’tcare if they catch a sexually transmitted disease or spread it toothers. When people engage in risky sexual behavior, they are nottaking care of themselves physically.

The second type of need we may overlook isemotional. As survivors of sexual abuse, it is incredibly importantto process our feelings on a regular basis. I try to spend timeworking through my sexual abuse issues at least twice a week.

When we fail to process our emotions, we canget stuck in resentment, anger, grief, and low self-esteem. It’simportant to release these toxic feelings on a regular basis byexperiencing them and allowing them to pass through us.

Sometimes we overlook our need for love,either because we don’t love ourselves, or because we have a hardtime accepting love from others. If we believe that we do notdeserve to be loved, we may begin to isolate ourselves. The realityis that we need healthy relationships to feel more connected. Whenwe have people in our lives who care about us, we feel supported,nurtured, and validated.

Sometimes we break off healthy relationshipsbecause we suffer from low self-esteem. We give up on relationshipsand decide that it’s easier to just sit in our house, smokecigarettes, and watch television. While this behavior might make usfeel safe, we become increasingly depressed over time. Humans aresocial animals. We need other people.

Another need we may overlook is our need tohave fun. When was the last time you engaged in your favoritehobbies? What do you enjoy doing? A major symptom of depression isgiving up or decreasing hobbies or recreational activities. When wefeel depressed, we stop taking care of ourselves and stop doing thethings we enjoy. We begin to lose interest in life.

We should always remember to have fun. Thereare times when we need to kick back and enjoy the moment. Mydefinition of the perfect hobby is something so fun and interestingthat I loose track of time.

Laughter is another important emotionaloutlet. Some of us were taught to remain serious in everysituation. We may have grown up in families of addiction and abusewhere the atmosphere was dark and heavy. We need to give ourselvespermission to laugh. Funny movies, books, plays, and televisionprograms can help us clear our minds. Laughter is a great way torelieve stress and tension. When we can laugh at ourselves, ithelps us to let go.

Sometimes we neglect our mental needs. Mostof us want to keep learning. It’s important to push ourselves todiscover new hobbies, activities, and interests. Taking collegeclasses, joining a discussion group, going to church, watchinginformative programs, reading good literature, and engaging increative or artistic pursuits can help keep us interested andengaged in life.

Sometimes we need to analyze our thinking.What do we spend most of our time thinking about? Do our thoughtstend to be negative or illogical? Do we tend to exaggerate ourproblems or fail to appreciate the good things in life? If ournegativity is a frequent or long-term pattern, we may need to see adoctor or psychiatrist to get a screening for depression.

What about our spiritual needs? Most of usbelieve in the existence of a higher power in one form or another.It’s important for us to nurture our spiritual connection. When wefeel angry or depressed about issues of sexual abuse, some of usare tempted to blame God. Where was He/She when we needed Him/Her?Having been sexually abuse makes it hard to trust God, have faith,and believe that everything will work out in the end.

Sometimes we stop praying, going to church,or talking to God. We harbor resentments and think that God didn’tcare. We believe that our abuse was some kind of divinepunishment.

Sometimes we don’t understand what it is thatGod wants us to learn from the situations in our lives. In my ownexperiences, I have found it easier to understand why thingshappened the way they did when I look back on my past.

If we believe that God is real, we must workto develop a stronger relationship with Him/Her. We must search formeaning in life, because meaning is what feeds our soul.

This is only a partial list of our needs andthe ways we can take better care of ourselves. Everyone isdifferent, but the need for self-care is universal. I have includedmy own list of self-care activities below, as well as the things Ido regularly to decrease my stress. These are only examples and Iencourage you to make your own list. Follow up on the things youneed to do to take care of yourself. You will feel better. Yourself-esteem will improve. This is a necessary part of your healingprocess.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Creating a Balanced Life

Things I have done to meet my needs:

1. Working

2. Getting Regular Dental And Health Care

3. Cleaning The House And Car

4. Getting Regular Haircuts

5. Getting Regular Massages

6. Playing With The Dog

7. Playing Piano

8. Calling Friends And Going Out

9. Going To Martial Arts Class

10. Going Hiking/Cycling

11. Engaging In Sports

12. Going To Church

13. Traveling

14. Volunteering

15. Furthering My Education

16. Deep Relaxation By Candle-Light

17. Dating

18. Dancing

19. Doing The Emotional Work In This Book

20. Acupuncture

21. Playing Computer Games

22. Watching Movies

23. Taking A Hot Tub/Bath

24. Getting Organized

25. Reading

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #2: Reducing Stress

Actions that reduce my stress:

1. Having A Routine

2. Working

3. Abstaining From Caffeine, Nicotine, AndAlcohol

4. Watching Or Listening To Comedy

5. Taking A Hot Tub/Bath/Shower

6. Getting A Massage

7. Acupuncture

8. Praying

9. Deep Relaxation by Candlelight

10. Listening to Soft Music

11. Playing Piano

12. Exercise/Running/Kick-Boxing

13. Cleaning The House And Car

14. Getting A Haircut

15. Cutting Fingernails/Putting Lotion On MyHands And Feet

16. Playing Computer Games

17. Playing With The Dog

18. Going Out To Eat

19. Having Healthy Sex

20. Writing About The Stress In My Life

21. Talking About Stress WithFamily/Friends

22. Doing The Emotional Work In This Book

23. Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Stepping Stones to Health

Self-Care

-Try to identify where you are in thestepping-stones to health and the next step or steps you need totake.

_____ 1. I do not take care of myself and Idon’t care.

_____ 2. I have noticed that I feel bad whenI don’t take care of myself.

_____ 3. I am tired of feeling bad aboutmyself.

_____ 4. I did something to take care ofmyself and it made me feel better.

_____ 5. I am starting to