Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

stable.

_____ 7. I have used meditation, acupuncture,spirituality, or other means of

healing.

_____ 8. I have used medication, whennecessary, to help me deal with depression or other mental healthissues.

_____ 9. I have seen or am seeing atherapist, and am using EMDR or other therapeutic techniques tohelp overcome my post-traumatic stress disorder.

_____ 10. I am willing to use every healingtechnique that is available to work through my sexual abuse issues,and I recognize that each one has something unique to offer.

Chapter 4 –Chemical Addiction

“People who drink to drown their sorrow should betold that sorrow knows

how to swim.”

-Ann Landers

Chemical addictions are often the result ofprolonged physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain. Most ofus drink or use drugs because we want to change the way we feel.Other times, we drink or use because we want to numb out and feelnothing at all.

Low self-esteem is common in people withchemical addictions. People with high self-esteem do not drink,slam, snort, smoke, or eat themselves to death. Low self-esteemmakes it easier for us to engage in these self-destructivebehaviors.

Getting drunk and vomiting blood is not agood time. Selling our bodies to get money for dope is not a party.Suffering from bronchitis for months on end because we can’t quitsmoking is not fun or relaxing. Chemical addictions are a way tohurt ourselves, not to help ourselves.

I know many of you never thought of your drugor alcohol use as self-destructive, but the truth is, we do notcontinue to drink or use addictively when we care about ourhealth.

Some of us spent so many yearsself-medicating with alcohol and drugs that we lost touch with ourfeelings. When we get sober, we may experience a flood of emotionsor have difficulty feeling anything at all.

Whenever we drink, smoke, slam, or snort, weare trading our health and self-esteem for the rush of a quickhigh. On a subconscious level, many of us are trying to numb ourpain and punish ourselves at the same time. What I have learned inmy years as an addict, and later an addictions counselor, is thatour true motives are; 1) to feel better, 2) to feel nothing at all,or 3) to injure or kill ourselves.

When I discuss the death instinct with myclients, they invariably react with shock and denial. “I’m nottrying to kill myself,” they claim. “I want to feel better. I likedrinking/smoking/snorting. It makes me feel good.”

But it doesn’t feel good to wake up in astranger’s bed because we blacked out and lost control of oursexual urges. It doesn’t feel good when we sell our personalbelongings or borrow money from friends or relatives to get ournext fix. Most of us don’t start out that way, but as ouraddictions progress, we eventually find ourselves doing many of thethings we said we never would. Addictions grow increasinglydestructive the longer we continue to drink and use.

The signs of self-destruction are everywherein an addict’s life. Our performance at work is suffering. Ourrelationships are falling apart. Our health is deteriorating. Webecome trapped in a destructive, downward spiral.

When an addict says that drinking or using“makes me feel good,” what they’re really saying is that feelingnothing at all is better than the pain they usually feel. It’s timeto put to rest the illusion that our addictions can help us healour pain. Addictions cannot and do not heal emotional pain. Infact, they actually prolong it.

I often tell my clients that feelings want tobe felt. While it may seem strange to personify our feelings, it’strue. When we deny our feelings or try to suppress them, they onlybuild up inside of us. Our emotional burdens grow heavier thelonger we continue to act out our self-destructive behavior.

Eventually, we may experience a nervousbreakdown. Raw, nervous energy explodes from within. We cry,scream, act hysterical, and lose touch with reality.

There is a way out, and the solution issimple. Feel your feelings. When you feel angry, release your angerin a healthy way. Martial arts, exercise, or talking with someoneabout the way you feel are all healthy ways to express anger.

When you feel sad, allow yourself to cry orgrieve the loss you have experienced.

Of course, there is a reason we suppressedthese painful feelings in the first place. Painful emotions canseem overwhelming. We may need to set a limit on how much we allowourselves to experience at any given time. We may need to tellourselves, “Today, I am going to allow myself to cry for 30minutes. After that, I will put my feelings aside for a while anddo something else, like running or gardening.” We may need to spendtime with friends or go to an AA/NA meeting. Try to find supportivepeople in your life that you can rely on during the difficulttimes.

Allowing ourselves to feel our pain can seemfrightening at first, but eventually, that pain passes through usand out of us. Emotions are not a bottomless pit. Many people havecommitted to a recovery program, allowed themselves to experiencetheir painful emotions, and become healthier as a result. Don’t beafraid to ask for help. AA/NA meetings, sponsors, therapists,family, and friends can be great sources of support. If things getreally difficult and you need to check into a hospital orrehabilitation center for a while, that’s okay. Most of us needhelp overcoming our addictions. Recovery is worth the effort.

People who work a truly effective recoveryprogram learn to accept their feelings. They are animated and alivebecause when they’re happy, you know it, when they’re sad, theyshow it, and they don’t feel guilty about having feelingsanymore.

There’s no shame in crying. People who allowthemselves to cry are the most vital and alive people I know. I’mnot suggesting that we need to cry all the time. Just that we needto be genuine with our emotions. If we feel like crying, cry! If wefeel like laughing, laugh! This human journey is processed on anemotional level. When we stop feeling, we stop living.

There is help for recovering alcoholics andaddicts. If you don’t know where to begin, try looking underAlcoholism or Drug Abuse in the yellow pages. There are AlcoholicsAnonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings in virtually everycommunity in the Western World.

I started binge-drinking at the age