Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

medicating them with sex.It’s time to examine and challenge any unhealthy beliefs we stillhold. In doing so, we begin to regain our true selves, ourintegrity, and our fidelity.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry#1: Acting Out Sexually

In the past, I felt attracted to partners whohad been sexually abused because they were struggling with the sameissues that I was.

On some level, I felt that I was reliving theabuse every time I had sex with another survivor. I realize nowthat I often mistook feelings of fear, terror, and trauma forsexual excitement and lust. My whole body would shake. It felt asif we were on the same wavelength, re-experiencing the abuse.

That kind of sex wasn’t healthy, but it was abig rush. For some reason, it felt very pleasurable and addicting.Sex became a self-destructive ritual I used to vent my feelings ofanger, fear, and rage.

The abuse of my past had created a well ofpowerful, negative emotions inside of me. I would view pornography,hire prostitutes, go to strip-clubs, sleep around, and get intorelationships with other survivors of sexual abuse.

My need to release these pent-up emotionsfelt overwhelming at times. Yet I always knew that my behavior wasunhealthy. Like any other addiction, my misuse of sex grewincreasingly destructive over time. In the end, sexual addictiononly led to greater pain.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #2: Fear of Being a Sexual Object

I’m afraid of being used for sex. Why am I soafraid?

If all my abusers wanted was sex, than thatmust be all I’m good for. I’m a sexual object with no value. I’m asex toy. There is nothing good inside of me. All they wanted was myskin. All they wanted was my flesh.

I feel so empty inside. I feel so devastated.They never treated me like I was human at all.

I’m so afraid. I don’t want to be anobject.

Exercise5-1

Identifying Sexual Addiction Self-Test

-This is a self-test I developed to helpidentify the degree of our addiction to sex. This test is not validfor teenagers. Sometimes teenagers engage in the behaviors listedbelow because they are irresponsible, not necessarily because theyare sex addicts. Some of these characteristics apply more often tomen and others apply more often to women. Check any of thecharacteristics that apply to your adult sexual behavior.

_____ 1. I often think about having sex withmultiple partners.

_____ 2. I have hired prostitutes forsex.

_____ 3. I have engaged in providing sexualservices (prostitution or pornography) for money.

_____ 4. I have spent money on sex,prostitution, or pornography that was needed for other things.

_____ 5. I frequently thought about the nexttime I would hire a prostitute.

_____ 6. I frequently thought about the nexttime I would view pornography.

_____ 7. I have often turned to sex as areaction to difficult feelings (anger, fear, pain, depression,stress, or discomfort.)

_____ 8. I have rejected relationships withpeople who would not provide sex frequently enough or would notengage in certain sexual behaviors.

_____ 9. I have had problems with certainrelationships as a result of my sexual behavior.

_____ 10. I have done things I said I wouldnever do as a result of my sexual desires.

_____ 11. I have engaged in illegal behaviorto satisfy my sexual needs.

_____ 12. I plan ahead and save money forprostitution or pornography.

_____ 13. I feel shame or guilt about mysexual behavior.

_____ 14. I have difficulty refraining fromsex, prostitution, or pornography even when I really want to.

_____ 15. I have lost control of my sexualdesire and cheated on someone I was in a monogamous relationshipwith 1-2 times in my life.

_____ 16. I have lost control of my sexualdesire and cheated on someone I was in a monogamous relationshipwith 3 or more times in my life.

_____ 17. Having sex or viewing pornographymakes me feel like I’m in control of my problems.

_____ 18. I have gotten a sexuallytransmitted disease or diseases from having unprotected sex.(Examples: Hepatitis, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, etc…)

_____ 19. I feel ashamed or proud of thelarge number of people I have had sex with.

_____ 20. I sometimes physically shake inanticipation of sex or sexual gratification.

_____ 21. I have sometimes used sex as asubstitute for love.

_____ 22. I feel sexual desire for almostanyone who approaches me in a sexual way.

_____ 23. I will engage in almost any sexualact if it increases my pleasure.

_____ 24. I sometimes use alcohol,cigarettes, or drugs to make my sexual pleasure more intense.

_____ 25. I have had sex with multiplepartners at the same time.

_____ 26. I wear tight or revealing clothingto attract sexual partners.

_____ 27. I don’t feel good about myselfunless people are attracted to me sexually.

_____ 28. I am willing to do things that feelhumiliating or degrading to please a partner sexually.

-The scoring for this self-test is asfollows:

0-7 – Some problems with sexual behavior

8-14 – Early stage of sexual addiction

15-21 – Middle stage of sexual addiction

22-28 – Late stage of sexual addiction

When is it time to get help for sexualaddiction? As soon as we recognize it’s become a problem in ourlives. Sex addicts can get help by working through sexual abuseissues, improving their self-esteem, attending 12-step groups,reading self-help

books, and seeing a counselor to discussissues of sexual addiction.

Chapter 6 –Healing Sexual Addiction

“All addictions lead to negativeconsequences.”

-Jason Goodwin

As survivors of sexual abuse, many of us feelthat something was taken away from us. We were overpowered, takenadvantage of, or forced to engage in sexual acts against ourwill.

Sexual abuse can lead to unhealthy beliefsabout who we are, what we are “good for,” and what sex is allabout. Some of us reacted to the trauma of sexual abuse byapproaching sex. We learned to medicate our fears by developingpatterns and behaviors that made us feel safe and in control.

We avoided committed relationships so wecould move from one partner to the next any time we wanted. A nightof casual sex held no commitments, no obligations, and noexpectations for true intimacy. We kept a stash of money so wecould hire a prostitute or “go out” any time of the day or night.We turned to pornography because it made us feel that we were incontrol over when, how, and how often we expressed our sexualfeelings.

Some of us reacted to the trauma of sexualabuse