Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

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Stepping Stones to Health

Sexual Addiction

-Try to identify where you are in thestepping-stones to health, and the next step or steps you need totake.

_____ 1. I am a sex addict, and I don’t wantto change.

_____ 2. I have experienced some discomfortwith the way I express myself sexually.

_____ 3. I have had some consequences(financial problems, problems with relationships, problems withself-esteem, contracted a sexually transmitted disease, lostrespect for myself, felt guilty or ashamed, committed adultery orcriminal behavior), but I still don’t want to quit.

_____ 4. I am unhappy with my sexual behaviorand I want to change, but I don’t know where to begin.

_____ 5. I have read self-help books orlooked for information about sexual addiction.

_____ 6. I am actively working on my sexualabuse issues, and this is helping me to understand my unhealthysexual behavior.

_____ 7. I have attended a 12-step meeting ormy first counseling session and am beginning to discuss issues ofsexual addiction.

_____ 8. I am willing to do whatever it takesto change my addictive sexual behavior.

Chapter 7 –Dealing With Pain

“One word frees us of all the weight and painof life: That word is love.”

-Sophocles

Survivors of sexual abuse often experience alot of pain. Most of this pain is emotional in nature, and can bevery intense. At some point, we may have discovered ways to avoidour pain. We may have numbed our feelings with alcohol, drugs, orother compulsive behaviors.

Pleasure seeking is normal to an extent. Weall enjoy an occasional chocolate sundae or a vacation lying on thebeach. This behavior only becomes unhealthy when we go to extremesor do things that hurt others or ourselves.

At some point, pleasure seeking turns into painavoidance. We compulsively seek pleasure to mask the terrible painwe feel inside. When we try to avoid our pain by going to extremeswith pleasure, our pain actually intensifies over time. We createnew hurts and new wounds.

If we were sexually abused, turning to anaddiction to numb our pain is like trying to cover a lethal woundwith a band-aid. It seals in the dirt and the germs. Without propercare, our wounds begin to spread. They may engulf areas of ourlives that were once healthy.

Unresolved pain can consume our self-esteem,our energy, our emotional stability, our sobriety, ourrelationships, and our health. When we are wounded, we need to cry.We need to release our pain, our grief, and our sorrow.

What follows is an exercise that may help youidentify any wounds from the past you still need to heal.

Exercise 7-1

Identifying Pain

-Try to identify any past or current sourcesof pain in your life. Think about each entry, and place a check byany of the items that still cause you pain.

Pain From Past Or CurrentAbuse:

_____ 1. Pain From Sexual Abuse

_____ 2. Pain From Physical Abuse

_____ 3. Pain From Emotional Abuse

_____ 4. Pain From Verbal Abuse

_____ 5. Pain From Mental Abuse (MindGames)

_____ 6. Pain From Spiritual Abuse (Misuse ofSpiritual Authority)

_____ 7. Pain From Abandonment

_____ 8. Pain From Neglect

_____ 9. Pain From Disrespect

_____ 10. Pain From Abusive Criticism

Pain From A Past Or CurrentLoss:

_____ 1. Loss Of A Loved One

_____ 2. Loss Of A Romantic Relationship

_____ 3. Loss Of A Job

_____ 4. Loss Of A Friendship

_____ 5. Loss Of Safety Or Security

_____ 6. Loss Of A Way Of Life

_____ 7. Loss Of Self-Esteem

_____ 8. Loss Of A Belief-System

_____ 9. Loss Of Your Dreams

_____ 10. Loss Of A Belief That This World IsA Safe Place

_____ 11. Loss Of Money/Financial

_____ 12. Loss Of AHome/Residence/Security

_____ 13. Loss Of Your Childhood/Grew Up TooFast

_____ 14. Loss Of Health/Functioning

Pain From A Past Or CurrentRelationship With:

_____ 1. Spouse Or Significant Other

_____ 2. Family Member

_____ 3. Yourself

_____ 4. Your Spirit

_____ 5. God

_____ 6. The Opposite Sex

_____ 7. Ex-Husband/Wife/Boy/Girlfriend

_____ 8. Society

_____ 9. Boss

_____ 10. Co-workers

_____ 11. Teachers

_____ 12. Authority Figures

Pain From An UnfulfilledDesire For:

_____ 1. Safety/Security

_____ 2. Self-Esteem

_____ 3. Enough Money

_____ 4. Good Relationships

_____ 5. Good Job

_____ 6. Stronger Spirituality

_____ 7. Better Sex-Life

_____ 8. Love

_____ 9. Loving Parents

_____ 10. Happy Childhood

_____ 11. Safe Touch

_____ 12. Intimacy

Pain From Fear:

_____ 1. Fear Of Death

_____ 2. Fear Of Loss

_____ 3. Fear Of Abuse

_____ 4. Fear Of An Abuser

_____ 5. Fear Of Trauma

_____ 6. Fear Of Violence

Pain From Being Judged InThe Past Or Present:

_____ 1. For Your Race

_____ 2. For Your Gender

_____ 3. For Your Sexual Orientation

_____ 4. By The Church/Judgmental Pastors

_____ 5. For Being An Addict

_____ 6. For Not Being Perfect

_____ 7. By Your Parents

_____ 8. For Being A Survivor Of SexualAbuse

Pain From Past Or CurrentConditional Love: “You Can Have My/Our Love:”

_____ 1. If You’re Perfect

_____ 2. If You Make Me/Us Happy

_____ 3. If You Shut Up

_____ 4. If You “Keep The Secret”

_____ 5. If You Don’t Show Your Feelings

_____ 6. If You “Do It Right”

_____ 7. If You Don’t Challenge Me/Us

_____ 8. If You “Play The Game”

_____ 9. If You Get Good Grades

_____ 10. If You’re Working

_____ 11. If You Do What I Say

_____ 12. If You Take Care of Me

Pain From Past Or CurrentConditions:

_____ 1. Addiction

_____ 2. Mental Health Issues (Depression,Anxiety, etc…)

_____ 3. Physical Appearance

_____ 4. Obesity

_____ 5. Other Health Conditions - List:

_________________________________

_________________________________

_________________________________

It can take time to develop the strength andcourage we need to face our pain. Ironically, it is often the painof our past traumas that rob us of the strength we need to heal. Wemay have felt weak and powerless in the past. We may have felt likevictims of circumstance.

When we feel too weak or afraid to face ourpain, we abandon hope. We stop caring about ourselves, neglect ourneeds, and place ourselves in situations where, subconsciously, weknow we will be abused.

Some of us learn to hate our own weaknessesso much that we begin to victimize ourselves. We develop a victimpattern or mindset. We become trapped in despair. It’s as if we’reon the bottom of the ocean with the weight of a thousand tons ofwater pressing down on top of us.

When we finally allow ourselves to feel ourpain, we may start to think of all the ways we’ve been hurt in thepast. We project our fears into the future and believe that badthings