Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

will happen to us again. We convince ourselves that we willlose another job or become trapped in another abusive relationship.The more we think about the ways we were victimized by people orcircumstances in the past, the more depressed and despondent webecome.

We create self-fulfilling prophecies bysubconsciously attracting people we know will abuse us. We exhibitbody language that tells others we are victims. When we feel likevictims, we often look like victims too. We slouch and thrust ourshoulders forward to protect our heart. We shuffle our feet, lookdown at the ground, and avoid eye contact.

Fear is like a storm. It’s as if the cloudshave gathered and we’ve heard the thunder rolling in. Before toolong, we’re all wet. Shivering in the cold, we stare up at theheavens, expecting to be struck by a random bolt of lightning.

We get trapped in a victim mentality when webelieve we will continue to be abused and there is nothing we cando to stop it. We feel weak and powerless. We have a single-mindedfocus on the negative. We keep repeating self-destructive behaviorsand attracting negative outcomes for our lives.

What is the way out of this mindset? What isthe way through the storm? How can we get past this fear thatravages our bodies, minds, and emotions?

Fear of victimization is fear of pain. Andunfortunately, pain is a necessary part of life. There is no way toavoid feeling some pain.

Painful things have happened in our past.Painful things will continue to happen in our future. Yet it isoften the pain in life that pushes us to grow. As any mother willtell you, giving birth can be extremely painful. But most motherswill also tell you it was worth it. How could the miracle of lifeexist without the pain of birth?

Pain is always temporary. It will heal withenough time, attention, love, and care. We do not have to remaintrapped in our pain.

It is important to recognize when we arefeeling like victims. Sometimes we feel victimized by abusers,abusive relationships, people that deceived us, parents thatabandoned us, or jobs that didn’t work out. And though thecircumstances of our lives can seem painful and demoralizing, weneed to remember that we will only become trapped in our negativeemotions if we try to avoid them.

Our fear of the pain is often worse than thepain itself. When we feel afraid, we should allow ourselves tophysically shake. When we feel sad, we should allow ourselves tocry. It is only when we accept and allow our negative feelings thatwe can move through them.

The process of facing and releasing our painmoves us from a victim mentality to a more balanced, positive wayof thinking. It’s important to take this process slowly andcarefully. We want to avoid trying to do too much at once. We needto take whatever time is necessary to move through our pain and ourgrief in a safe and gentle way.

We need to remember that emotions are simplyenergy in motion. Pain is an energy that passes through us and outof us when we allow ourselves to feel it. Healthy ways to workthrough our pain include talking to a non-judgmental friend, AA/NAsponsor, pastor, or counselor about how we feel. We can journalabout our feelings and allow ourselves to cry.

How would it feel to be free from the pain ofour past? Would we become happier? Would we get our lives back?Could we recover from addiction? Could it lead to healthier andmore fulfilling relationships?

When we stop feeling like victims, we stoplooking like victims. We stand up straight with our shoulders back.We take full strides, hold our heads high, and make eye contactwith whomever we meet.

Allowing ourselves to feel our pain and movethrough it is an investment in our future. When we allow ourselvesto release the pain we feel, we begin to grow, change, and moveforward with out lives.

Exercise 7-2

Positive Ways To Deal With Your Pain

1. Allow yourself to cry and feel your painalone or with a supportive family member, friend, pastor, orcounselor.

2. Talk about your pain with a supportivefamily member, friend, pastor, or counselor.

3. Journal or write about your pain, and getit out on paper.

4. Write a letter to your abuser thatexpresses your true feelings, and decide later whether or not youwant to deliver it.

5. Express and release your pain in artisticways. Music, woodworking, sculpting, painting, and dancing can bevery positive emotional outlets.

6. Build your pain out of clay, then smashit, break it up, and tear it apart.

7. Learn how others dealt with their painthrough spiritual study. Analyze stories from the bible like thebook of Job.

8. Learn to spend 15 minutes a day justfeeling your pain and not blocking it in any way.

9. Work to transform your pain into positivegoals for your future. Try to learn from your painful experiences,and use them to transform your life into something morepositive.

10. Work to transform your pain into positivegoals for your relationships. Use the painful experiences of yourpast to define what you want and don’t want from your futurerelationships.

11. Understand that pain is limited. When weallow ourselves to feel and release our pain, we will eventuallyget through it.

Chapter 8 –Relapse

“Recovery is a process, not an event.”

-Alcoholics Anonymous

To relapse means to return to activeaddiction after making a commitment to a recovery program andlifestyle change. Relapse can happen to the most committedrecovering alcoholic/addict. The purpose of this chapter is toreassure you that a relapse is not the end of the world. Manypeople use a “slip” as an excuse to return to active addiction.Difficult emotions are scary. That’s why we suppressed them for solong with alcohol, drugs, food, or sex.

The truth is that we can’t avoid our negativefeelings. When we try to suppress them, they build up inside of uslike water behind a dam. Removing the control valve of ouraddiction can lead to a flood of emotion. When I quit smokingcigarettes, I felt angry and depressed for a full year.

This flood of emotion can seem unsettling atfirst, but in time that flood becomes a stream, and the streambecomes a trickle. If our true goal is health and sobriety, then arelapse is simply a bump in