to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

memories

 you came over on a hot summer afternoon 

 

we had walked from the park because you still had no idea where i lived

 

i walked there

 

you walked there

 

we met up under the tree of our first hang out

 

you put me against it with a hug, you pulled away and gave me a sweet kiss

 

i smiled at your appealing face 

 

you started to walk away

 

but i stood there against that tree, mesmorized 

 

you turned around and of course asked me if my awkward self was coming

 

i snapped back into this nice reality and took your hand

 

we walked to my house 

 

 

we entered my home with a greeting from my parents

 

they said hello to you 

 

and you politely said hello back along with the questioning of their day

 

they started to talk but i squeezed your hand a bit tighter and told them we had to go

 

and we went

 

went to my room

 

the familiar place, where we shared our first kiss two days prior

 

i was going to kiss you

 

but not just that

 

i wanted more of you

 

and i had the strong feeling you wanted more of me too

 

 

we got to my room

 

and you took off your shoes along with me

 

we placed them by my closet door

 

 

and that's where they sat for the next two hours

 

 

i turned on a show

 

to drown out any possible noise

 

you laid on my bed

 

expecting us to take a break

 

from all the walking

 

but your expectations were denied

 

 

i climbed on top of you

 

you put your hands on my hips

 

i didn't grind on you

 

and you didn't make me

 

 

i bent down

 

and i placed my lips on yours

 

stealing a kiss away

 

but you didn't seem to mind

 

i sure didn't

 

 

i laid down beside you, ignroing my urges to touch you 

 

we watched this show

 

by now i don't even remember what it was

 

i was too busy thinking about you

 

and me

 

 

you had your arm around me

 

and at first you were at my shoulder

 

it went down my arm

 

to my back

 

now it was on my behind..

 

you were giving me signs

 

on what you really wanted to do

 

 

i looked up at you

 

and you looked down at me

 

i smiled

 

you smiled

 

 

you knew

 

 

i knew

 

 

 

 

 

sad

 it's sad when you get broken up with

 

it's also sad when you do the breaking

 

it's just sad in general

 

ending a relationship with someone

 

because you don't love them anymore

 

you'll sit there and wonder why you even dated this person in the first place

 

you feel like you wasted your time

 

you feel like you wasted their time

 

but in the end, you just forget each other

 

especially when you find a new him or her

 

when you're with another one it's like the before never existed

 

and that's ok

 

i guess

 

that's just how it works

 

can't really change that

it has to

 does it have to be like this

 

i mean it doesn't have to be

 

but do you feel like it should

 

tell me what you think

 

say it out loud

 

i wanna hear it

 

 

i  n e e d  t o  h e a r  i t

 

 

i don't think it should personally

 

we don't have to be together

 

but do you have to treat me like that

 

 

yeah you're you

 

 

i'd do anything for you

 

 

for you

 

 

but i'm not just good for sexting and sex

 

you got needs

 

i can fulfill those

 

 

if you don't want me to

 

please leave

 

 

i'm better than this

 

 

but because you're you

 

 

i'm staying

 

 

and i'm giving

 

 

and i'm receiving

 

 

it's good enough for me

 

 

until it isn't

 

 

so please

 

 

make up your fucking mind

people get lonely

 lonely

it's a thing we all experience

some of us more often than others

and that's okay

to be lonely

 

we shouldn't let that loneliness

destroy us

 

it shouldn't have to be like that

but loneliness is a strong thing

 

that, we can't help

it's reasonable

i suppose

 

i've been destroyed by this thing called loneliess

too many times

 

my body isn't a sacred place like it's meant to be

it's on a display for any male passers to see

 

 

can you blame me

 

you could

 

i have an excuse

 

but is there really an excuse to whore yourself out

 

maybe that's why i have too many bad relationships

 

 

but whoring myself out

isn't how i got into them

 

that's not the only option i give myself when i get lonely

sometimes i look

for a person

 

who wants me

 

not just physically

but mentally as well

 

and sometimes i find them

and it's ok

for a while

 

until they slap you

until they touch you

until they leave you

 

but it's always like that

 

but it's not

 

it doesn't have to be

 

but it is for me

 

and i'd like to say

that's ok

 

but it's really not

 

too many times 

 

too many times

 

and i'm still doing it

 

i think people would just call that idiocy

 

and i completely agree

fake

 could you stand there

                                 in front of a person who is hurting

                                                                                    and tell them you care

                                                                                                                      but you could give less than two fucks?

 

yeah

 

i'm a little hurt

 

 

simple

 keep your words sweet and simple

 

that way you're understood 

 

they would know at the least

 

if you spoke in complicated symphonies

 

you wouldnt be understood

 

they wouldn't know at all

 

you cant really be complicated

 

not with your words

not as a person

not with life

 

you wont be understood if you cant understand yourself 

 

you cant expect that from someone 

 

i learned that

 

what have you learned

 

nights

do you remember when you were so in love with someone

 

 

it was new

 

fresh

 

lovely

 

 

you couldn't get their face out of your head

 

the scent of their skin

 

the jolly taste of their lips

 

 

you wanted to see them as much as you could

 

you texted all the time

 

it was 24/7

 

 

was

 

 

it never stays 24/7 

 

and that's ok

 

as long as the love

 

affection

 

adoration

 

and all the gooey stuff is still there

 

 

then it's ok

 

 

but you know there are times when that doesn't happen

 

and you stop seeing each other

 

you barely text at all

 

all that love is gone

 

it just slowly faded away

 

just how paper does when you set it on fire

 

slowly the paper no longer exists

 

 

but there are times

 

when you do see each other

 

and

 

you're happy

 

for a second

 

 

but then you get annoyed

 

disappointed

 

frustrated

 

 

you don't kiss anymore

 

you don't see their face anymore

 

you don't think about them

 

 

you can't remember the last they kissed you

 

you can't remember the scent of your skin after you hugged them

 

you can't remember when you loved them

 

 

and it hurts

 

 

not just you but them too

 

 

at least you would like to think

 

 

but who knows

 

we sure don't 

 

but we don't talk anymore haha

 

when we do

 

it's just for favors

 

sexual favors

 

and we don't mind

 

but we do

 

 

at least i do

 

 

i mind

 

but does he?