to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

am still feeling this pain, and I have feelings it might not ever go away.

He was perfect, caring, kind, funny, he was everything a girl would ever want.

But he was a hard man, it wasn’t very easy for him to talk about things.

Which is why I’m convinced that’s the reason he never told me he loved me.

I get it though, not wanting to share that kind of feeling, I get it.

But he left me, and I feel like I have nothing left to give.

gone

 

You’ve left me and i feel like i have nothing left

Explanations on our own personal feelings weren’t shared much, especially regarding us.

Due to that, no words were spoken.

Until that night, the night you left me and i felt like i had nothing left.

You shared your feelings of loving me, and how you figured i didn’t feel the same way.

I didn’t know what to tell you or say back, so i didn’t say much, and that was really a mistake.

You’re gone now and i feel like i have nothing left.

Thoughts were shared, you told me you didn’t want to talk to me anymore if we weren’t together, you wanted a life with me.

He said he’d be back, and that he hopes his presence no longer affecting my days will change the way i feel about him.

It did.

It changed everything for me.

You’re gone and I feel like I have nothing left.

plans

 

Many things were said regarding the future.

What we would do, if we’d get a house or an apartment, how many kids we’d have and what their names would be. Getting a dog, deciding what breed it would be and what we would name it. Maybe getting a clownfish, naming it Nemo because we’re so original.

Does he remember that?

It plays in my mind every single day since he’s gone away. Not that I’m complaining about it because it makes me very very happy thinking about having these things with him.

But I’m certain this won’t be a reality anymore because he left me.

His reasoning was not anything pointless, he gave me very good reasons.

I just wish he would have thought about it before he decided to break both of us.

But I get him, I always have and he knew that.

So it’s ok for him to be gone, but I’m certainly not that great without him.

 

I’ll just keep those memories of him getting annoyed with me for calling him darling.

I’ll remember the times he’d talk about us having two boys together.

I’ll remember him going on and on about how the world would be if the Germans won World War II.

I’ll remember his sweet and romance songs he’d send to me.

 

He is luscious, precious, and so very special to me.

Please don’t forget that.

And please come back to me one day.

I’d really like these things with him to become a reality.

It’d be the best reality I could ever imagine.

And I think about it all the time anymore.

So.. Please.

Do that for me, Darling.

little

 you think too little of me don't you?

it's okay to say yes but 

why do you even keep me around if that really is the case

you think you're better than me and that's unacceptable 

i don't want to be with someone who constantly thinks they're better or needs their stuff but not mine because i'm me

just saddens me how much you don't think about me

it makes me very sad

 

love him

 

Do you really love him?

Or is he just for fun?

All the nights you stayed up late texting him, only wishing to feel his body heat laying in bed next to you.

Those nights where he couldn’t stand not seeing you, you watched his show he loves which you show no interest, but the quality time made you fall deeper.

All that time you spent with him, is it too early?

Is it too late?

There are days when it feels dull, no one feels like touching one another.

But it comes back to life with a simple good morning text, knowing that’s who you think of when you wake up.

Am i what you think of when you first wake up?

Thoughts and feelings roll around constantly, at least for one.

Complicated 24/7, can you deal with it?

Will you crack and leave?

Too many reassuring questions for you to answer…

Should i say it?

Is it too late?

I wonder, all the time what you think of me, if you think of me.

I don’t think it’s too early, i don’t think it’s too late.

Should i say it?

I’ll get the guts to look you in the eye and say it.

Your beautiful brown eyes, the ones who glow when you catch sight of me.

I wanna say it, i mean it.

I love you!

I said it, i meant it.

Your smile widens then slowly faded.

Do you not feel the same?

obvious

 

This continues and there’s no reason for it.

Have you not let go? Proof is there, you haven’t.

It’s been made very clear that you are not important, not anymore.

One point, you were my best friend, but it changed when you became less than that.

It wasn’t the feelings that were changing, it was you.

 

The word useless was just used out of anger, hopefully that is known.

Yet any other word that would be used to describe you isn’t much better than useless.

Did it hurt you? Proof is there, it did.

That wasn’t the intention but at the same time, how else can anything get through your mind without a little aggression?

It can’t, that’s the point.

 

Hypocrite was also used, you say answers should be obvious, is it not here?

That answer is an obvious no considering you asked many times, how?

Answers could be given willingly if you were ever willing to listen.

 

Caring, something that you could never qualify for.

Certainly, it didn’t go both ways, but the question is when did you know it stopped?

Obvious answer, it’s been a while.

 

The subject of care, was it asked of you? Nah.

Was it asked that you still do? Nah, but obviously you do since this is still ongoing.

Nothing is expected, the specific names used, they were used for a reason.

 

Cherishing memories, something performed often too.

Faded, they did because of the person you became for me.

They will stay in the back of the mind considering you are nothing BUT a memory.

 

Go ahead, leave, the door has been wide open for many months now.

Dearly, you were cared for at a point, but also at a point things stop, that obviously did.

Guess you’ll never know? Guess you do know now.

 

Someone has replaced you, more so has been here before you arrived.

Clearly, you were jealous of that fact on occasion, it was certainly funny.

Secrets weren’t shared based off of you not being trustworthy or caring of them.

Simple as that, it was never proven that you could be, so sorry, love, but you’re not it, you never were.

 

Does this satisfy you?

Does this work as your obvious answers?

Hopefully it suffixes and doesn’t go any longer, obviously it’s gone long enough.

 

“I’m sorry love.”

“But I can’t continue with you.”

“Sincerely, your ex-best friend.”

hypocrisy

 

If you had ever let go, why do you still write about me?

Why does scraps and implements of my being still used in your complicated and wrong symphonies?

Obvious answer, you’re holding on and doing the absolute opposite of letting go.

 

Good luck with this “better” one if you could ever tell him anything that you’re actually feeling.

With current knowledge, that was a difficulty for both of you, how’s that going?

Not that you would care to tell me anyway, because oh right… You let go.

 

Hypocrite, I do indeed have the right to name you this, because it is certainly true.

Did you actually have to look up the definition to prove your point instead