to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

cold.

I know how those feelings feel.

Don’t you think I’d want to help if you needed it?

 

In other words.

Try not to fuck with me again.

Would appreciate the not needed anger.

 

Go ahead, text me.

If you please, if you really miss me.

Tell me about all the things that are bothering you.

 

I’m here.

Probably always will be.

Anger passes but never love.

 

Remember that.

idc

 

Can you tell me what you consider me to be?

Am I your girlfriend, or just someone for fun.

 

I’m starting to convince myself it’s number two.

Just by your acts, the things you say to me.

 

It hurts, those careless words you speak proudly.

They stay in the back of my mind and make me paranoid we’re nothing.

 

Are we nothing?

I need an answer.

 

I’d like to know, honestly.

No one even knows I exist.

 

I’m starting to feel like we’re nothing.

You’re making it into nothing.

 

But if we are something.

Please prove it to me already.

 

I’m tired of waiting around, just for verbal abuse and emotional damage.

Just be honest, dammit.

constant

 

It was never meant to be this way.

 

The constant validation and need for reassurance.

 

Excuses could be given but that would be fickle.

 

Constant worry about your love in your heart for me.

 

Only because I wasn’t loved enough.

 

I trust you, I feel like I can trust you.

 

But damage has been done, it is a hard subject to declare.

 

Someday these little acts of paranoia and assurance will make sense.

 

But for now I will keep you in the dark.

 

Only to keep you safe, keep you bright.

 

To think of me as perfect.

favorite liar

 

Drowning my sorrows away with the consumption of various sugars, only because you have left once again.

In my mind, the strong feelings of my doubts of being true grows stronger, and today has confirmed them.

Never meant to be doubtful about you but my doubts are here to stay, they don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

Was I too much? Or was it the fact you were too much?

All of it are assumptions considering no reasons were given regarding the sole fact you were leaving again.

“It’s nothing.” Clearly, it was something.

You never seemed to take me seriously, and in the end, our relationship wasn’t serious.

I was convinced you were using me as a toy, just to get by without being lonely.

For me, it feels to be that way.

Only a couple tears fell from my cheek for you, and more plan to come when the time is appropriate.

Today was a bad day.

And that fact was known.

But I assume you didn’t care by your actions and your wording along with it.

I’m sure you’ll be fine without me, you seemed to have left easily enough.

In my mind, I don’t expect you to come back anytime soon as you did the last.

I was convinced I liked your beating heart more than you did mine.

Difficulties gripping the thought of not getting a good morning text anymore hurts me, I had always looked forward to it.

I stayed up late at night in case you would need me or couldn’t sleep, sometimes you did.

I feel I did my best as being your partner, but if I didn’t, nothing was said regarding it.

Only I can think of your possible reasonings and maybe the possibility of you showing back up.

You did last time because you missed me too much.

Will it be the same this time?

officially over

 

Storm clouds begin to move in, only signaling its about to start.

 

They’re dark, and subtle, coming in at a consistent pace.

 

As wind begins to pick up dancing through the uncut grass and leaves in the trees, rain drops start to fall and hit the ground.

 

Thunder starts to rumble as if the world is angry at us.

 

Ombre colored lightning streaks begin to make roots through the sky lighting up the black clouds.

 

Standing outside, admiring the beauty of what the world can create.

 

Also waiting to see what it can destroy.

 

Raindrops fall on my face, dripping down my cheeks cooling down my heated body.

 

Maybe, I thought, maybe it was the right time to ask.

 

Maybe everything would end up how I pictured.

 

A glimmer of hope, the bright and soothing lightning was beating down hope.

 

Foolishly, the question was asked, and was answered with an unwanted response.

 

Paranoia got the best of my mind, but it turned out everything it made me think was right.

 

Distance grew between us, we parted ways like clouds dispatch, basically becoming nothing except a clear, blue, happy sky.

 

Except, happiness wasn’t existent with us anymore.  

 

No longer happy, words were barely exchanged.

 

But tonight it was different.

 

Words were said and won’t be taken back similar to how lightning strikes the ground and does damage to whatever it seems to hit.

 

The wreckage to the earth will fix itself, the only difference, this won’t fix itself.

 

Once the storm passes, everyone will forgive the world for giving us a scare and forget about it.

 

This will just be forgotten.

 

A lost cause and nothing worth fighting for, it’s over.

 

Avoiding the truth, only because it hurt more when he said it.

 

The storm plays on, thunder rumbling and lightning continues to strike.

 

Laying in a dark room, tears falling down cheeks that contain salt and regret.

 

It’s over now, but that doesn’t stop the pain.

 

It’ll hurt, and hurt some more but soon enough it’ll get better.

 

It’s like how the Earth recovers from a terrible and frightening storm.

 

Pictures of him play in my mind, contemplating whether or not they should be deleted.

 

They’ll keep their rightful place, based on the fact nothing changes the fact I’ll miss him.

 

It was a good run.

 

Everything will be greener tomorrow.

 

It’ll smell fresh and new.

 

I’ll miss you.

 

But I hope you’re happier now.

 

Our memories and laughter feel so far away, but I remember them like they happened yesterday.

 

Thank you, Lulu.

in love

 

The end wasn’t so near afterall, it seems to be that I’m in love with you. 

Maybe it has been that way ever since I met you, but it’s definitely in my heart. 

I’m not sure what I would do without you. 

You want to pursue your dreams and I want nothing more, I will never stand in your way but instead accompany you, by your side as long as you will have me for. 

My thoughts, my feelings, my urges will be kept in a box until you return to me. 

For now, I will cherish every second that I am with you, and keep it in my heart until that day arrives where you will leave. 

I am patient, determined and so very in love with you. 

My heart belongs to you, and I intend on letting you bring it with you wherever you end up. 

If this was meant to be, we’ll find a way. 

But for the time being. 

I love you.

I think I always have.

Imprint

Text: me
Images: idk
Cover: maybe
Editing: ryan
Translation: me
Layout: egh
Publication Date: 07-02-2018

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
me him you them