to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

introduction

yes, this book

                      is about a boy. 

 

 

maybe multiple boys. 

                               guess you'll just have to assume.

 

 

just a book full of questions

                                         that were never answered.

 

 

thoughts

              never shared.

 

 

 

boys, girls, love.

                        it's a complicated thing.

 

 

but maybe not.

                        could be simple. 

i wonder

 sometimes it's hard to figure a person out

especially if you've only known them for two weeks before you decided to start dating

but even then you didn't decide to start dating, it just kind of happened

you didn't really talk about it

one moment you're meeting up for hangouts

 

next you're        holding hands

 

then it's       kissing

 

         touching

 

clothes               torn off

 

                 skin

 

more                     skin

 

           lips

 

it feels good

so, you keep doing it

not only does it feel good in general

it feels good with him

and that's okay

because you're both happy

right?

that's how it works right?

 

no

not really

not if there's another girl

which there was

of course no words were discussed regarding her

and maybe that was my own fault

but how could it be

who knows

i sure don't

i don't know anything

literally

 

 

but sometimes i still see you

and i remember

 

 

your   l  i p s    on   m y   lips

 

y o u r   skin   o n   my   s k i n

 

your  h a n d s   grabbing  m y  hands

 

i   love   y o u

 

you   l o v e   me    t o o

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lost

 there was a point where i was completely in love with you

but was it really love

we decided near the end that it was all infatuation

but was it?

 

i don't know

you don't know

we don't know

 

 

you told me i was a reason to smile

but you don't miss me

 

you miss her

but you left her for me

   

 

so why

 

 

did she not make you smile?

how did i if she didn't

if you miss her then why am i here

 

 

i envy you

not you

but the girls with you

 

they have an amazing dude

a funny 

cute

smart

loyal

 

 

 

not

 

 

 

 

 

 

you are not

 we all put ourselves out there to be something

whether it's to be popular

pretty

outcast

sporty

nerdy

 

labels

those are what you call these

labels

 

you get them, regardless

it's just how the social systems work

 

and you however

you have many labels

 

from me 

oh boy

you might wanna grab a tissue or two

 

it's not so pretty

but you know what is pretty?

 

what you put out there for all these people to see

yeah that's real pretty

it was pretty to me

 

 

you         caught      my      eye

 

you     caught     my      attention

 

you        caught       me

 

 

but now i see you

 

really see you

 

 

and 

 

it's not

 

pretty

 

 

you are not

 

pretty

 

colorful

 colors

we display so many different colors for people to see

 

blue

 

red

 

yellow

 

 

primary colors

 

primary emotions

 

 

sad

 

angry

 

happy

 

 

you my sir made me feel all these primary things

but these emotions mix

colors mix

makes new emotions

new colors

 

i don't want to have to name these other emotions

you can do it for yourself

imagine the rest

what he made me feel

what you think he made me feel

is it good

is it bad

you're probably right

 

hard

 it's pretty hard moving on you know

 

moving on from something that made you feel so good

 

so happy

 

so amazing

 

so loved

 

so  w a n t e d

 

it's hard to let things that make you feel like that go

 

in this moment i'm apparently comparing you to drugs

 

that's funny isn't it

 

how you can do that

 

compare people to everything and anything

 

i could say you remind me of a trash can and people would get it

 

i sure get it

 

i would get it

 

the people that came before you were definite trash cans

 

which is why i fell so hard

 

and fell for so long

 

and why when i was done, i stayed on the ground for a while before i decided to get up

 

hard

 

that's what it is

 

and what it will always be

 

those are some things i can't tell you

 

and probably not ever

 

but i can sit here and wonder

 

is it hard for you too?

 

 

lines

  i got a long line

 

a long line of lovers

 

a long line of hurt

 

and a long line of many other things

 

drugs

 

sex

 

relationships

 

abuse

 

shall i go on? 

 

i bet not because you don't want to hear these things

 

you tell me you want every part of me

 

you tell me you want everything 

 

you tell me you love me

 

but if you love me

 

if you want me

 

why can't you hear these things?

 

these things are part of me

 

these things are everything

 

these things will affect me in this love 

 

so if you love me

 

if you want me

 

why can't you hear them

 

 

i don't want you

 

if you won't want me

 

 

you can't want certain parts of people 

 

and expect that to be okay

 

 

i'm not ok

 

 

and i won't be if you don't love me the right way

 

so

 

 

goodbye

 

i don't want you

 

and

 

i don't love you

grounds

 when i think i got myself right above the ground

 

up right walking 

 

feeling great

 

the sun is on my face

 

 

i go back down

 

in the below

 

where everything is dark

 

and i'm just sad

 

 

and it's not your fault

 

it's not anymore

 

 

it's mine

 

 

because my fucked up

 

emotional

 

dumbass

 

 

will not an asshole like you go

 

 

i'm not just pointing at you in particular

 

there are more of you

 

 

but you don't like to hear about them remember?

liar

 is it hard to be trustworthy?

 

i don't understand really

 

you sit there and tell someone you love them

 

but when they ask you a question for reassurance

 

you lie straight to their face

 

that doesn't seem like love does it?

 

why be with someone you don't want to be with

 

just tell them you're done

 

instead of lying

 

it just hurts

 

do you know that?

 

i feel you do

 

but is it the fact you don't care

 

then why are you here with me

 

can't you just

 

not be a 

 

 

liar