to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

she couldn’t do without him, but that was a fib. She knew she could but the thing was, she didn’t want to.

And she wasn’t going to if she didn’t have to. She would always tell herself that she could try at least…

She would take his hands into hers and stare at his face telling him about these marvelous things that she could do, that she could give.

Residing the one thing that he actually wanted.

She would tell him that she would give him everything. Her soul, her heart, her body, her brain, everything to him.

All he had to do was say yes and that’s all she wanted.

And he did say yes, to her surprise. He did say yes. And for a second, she was satisfied, She got what she wanted. But that only goes so far.

He didn’t say yes for the fact that she was going to give him her brain, her heart, and her soul. It was for the fact that she would give him her body.

It was the only thing he had his mind on, it was the only thing he was listening for.

He knew it was there, she knew he knew that too.

And that isn’t so bad all the time, as long as the two people are okay with it. However, she was not. And now you’re asking, why is she doing it? Good question.

She was so tired of these desperation eras where he would come to her and beg her to give her everything of her body and not the everything of her.

She hated it so much.

But of course.

It was him, and because he’s him and her love for him fell so deeply she would give up the despisement.

She would turn into love, the sweet physical love that he wanted from her. It would last up to the span of at least an hour. And that hour was defined as Haven for her.

And of course afterwards it was feeling like love, the love between them. The love to him the love to her.

He would hold her, put his arm around her, and hold her hand. Gently caress his thumb across her arm. And she loved it.

There’s the word again, love.

For two seconds that love word existed. But the next two seconds and so on however, not so much.

They were not perfect because she realized it was not love. It was only the physical connection that was residing within her heart that was distinguishing to love in her brain.

To him, it was just a fling, it was just a good time he had with a girl.

A good time that’s happened many times over the course of two years.

It was many and probably will always continue to be many.

She still was in love, and probably will continue to be as well as the flings continue.

And it’s not such a bad thing. Not in his reality anyway. In her reality, it was everything.

He was everything.

Every time she saw him, her heart would skip little beats. Every time they did go on these little flings, her anxiety went through the roof. Due to his risk taking ways and carelessness, she always had moments of panic. But she loved it. That adrenaline pumped through these fires that dwell in her heart and they roared. All the love roared out into the open.

But it wasn’t being received with anything. It was being given off into the air.

It was pointless.

But does she know that? Does she know it’s all for nothing?

She doesn’t want it to be, She sure knows it though.

These thoughts do keep in her head, though they are pushed back deep to where they aren’t lead into the spotlight as easily as these thoughts of love.

They are there.

Just buried away under all these fake broken promises.

That’s another thing for another time.

But for now we will just discuss the situation of a girl who has all this love to give for a boy who just wants her for her body.

It was her. It was me.

That her is me.

That him, man.

She’s in love.

And I don’t blame her.

Do you?

individual

 

I mean, it’s yours. That’s why i said i like it, i’m just… i didn’t mean like.. You know what i mean, don’t you?

The giggles continued, but yes, secretly she knew what he meant.

But she didn’t express it, so he was left clueless.

I like your voice, that’s all i gotta say about it.

Her giggles trail on to a face full of red.

He couldn’t see it of course, this was on the phone… thankfully for her.

All he could hear is her continuous giggles, not knowing whether it was a nervous laugh or if she was full of joy.

It was probably both.

Usually the only compliments she receives are through empty texts but he said it with his voice, whom she liked as well.

Of course she awkwardly explained the situation was mutual.

He thought fib, there was no way.

She reassured the stranger, saying it was all truth.

There was no idea for her to know whether he believed her or not

But after that moment, the giggles continued, but they weren’t for nervous reasons anymore.

feelings

 

They’re quite overcomplicating

It’s weird how we deal with feelings or how we feel the feelings

 

You make me feel feelings

In a way i haven’t in so long

 

I wanted to be pulled out of the abyss

And you started to..

 

But i honestly already feel myself slipping away

Do you understand?

 

I don’t feel like you’re the one

But for some reason i want to try

 

Is that wrong?

Are you mad?

 

You’re never going to read this anyway

So what’s the point

envy

 

I gave you so much time

To tell me how you really felt

If you hated me or loved me

I hope you realize there comes a point when people get done waiting

 

Especially when it’s a waste of time

 

So…

If there’s something here

Now is the time to tell me before

I make permanent changes

 

Because he plays me the songs the way you did

He caresses me the way you did

He plays me strong like you did

 

And he doesn’t treat me like shit like you did

 

But i will however remember the taste of your lips

And my shadow will remember the swing of your hips

 

So please

Don’t be jealous

 

If you are

Tell me how it feels

I’ll be here for you to tell me about it

 

But after that

I’m gone

 

okay?

skin

 

layers of skin

miles of it

layers of skin

impeccably fragile

layers of skin

exposed to deleterious people like you

agathokakological

 

A word perfectly used to describe you.

Righteous, yet deleterious..

You were virtuous at certain periods of time, you only felt like being so pleasant when it was at your discretion.

Inconsiderate of another being’s emotions or feelings.

Especially not mine, if anyone’s.

Seductively evil, you were hard to resist but of course it was so very dire of me to continue the chaotic anything that fell from your lips.

Titillating, you aroused elation inside of brain, your mild ideas and plans made it a difficult process to get you out of my life.

Salacious, sound familiar? That’s all it was for us, nothing genuine or substantial.

I could go on and on with words to describe the concrete class of the person you are.

There’s too many delicious yet defying words out there for me to go over.

Take it as you will, I don’t apologize.

a new

 

Thoughts and feelings of you are slowly pouring away from my mind, into a place where I no longer have to keep track of them.

They are not gone forever however, but for now, a new has taken your spot.

He took your spot.

He never committed acts to hurt me, like you happened to do.

But he left me, with the greatest pain of all, more pain than you ever produced on me.

I