to: you, Gab Fol [i read books txt] 📗

today is the day

 today is the day you had decided to leave her for me

 

you must be miserable now 

 

i know you are

 

 

you are sitting in your room right now 

 

bottle of cinnamon flavored whiskey

 

drinking your heart and regrets away 

 

 

alone

 

tired

 

and frustrated

 

 

i didnt make that decision 

 

and i know you dont even blame me

 

but yet you do

 

 

you fell for me 

 

for a split second

 

and look where that led us

 

 

look what it made

 

two lonely people

 

both heart broken 

 

 

and are we still?

 

broken?

 

 

over each other or 

 

over her

 

 

i think its both

 

 

 

you know 

 

 

i can still hear you breathe 

 

 

the window screen

 

 

2 am

 

 

j.r. martin 

 

 

 

are those words familiar?

 

do they make you think...

 

about me?

 

or just stuff you threw away

 

 

i think about you a lot

 

right now even

 

duh

 

 

do you still taste me? 

 

 

those bites left on each other lips 

 

 

did mine leave a scar?

 

 

i feel those rough lips again and again

 

 

placing gentle kisses upon my neck

 

but then i dont 

 

 

its occasional

 

you and me

 

 

that, it still exists 

 

but stops again for a while

 

 

Today is that day

 

You told me you loved me

 

You didnt love her

 

 

Today is that day

 

You told me you'd spend the rest of your life with me

 

You didnt want to spend it with her 

 

 

Today is the day

 

It all went down

 

It was official 

 

 

You and i

 

Me and you

 

Us

 

 

You know?

 

 

Do you...

 

 

Still feel me?

 

 

Like i do you

 

 

I want you

 

 

Do you want me

 

 

Touch me?

 

 

Kiss me?

 

 

Hurt me?

 

 

Words and conversations

 

circle my head

 

and they wont go away

 

 

so maybe 

I might end up just like you

Alone in my room

With a bottle of whiskey

 

dumb

 

we are young and dumb

 

but love is a sure thing, isnt it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well

 

 

today is the day

 

July 27, 2016. 

 

 

day & night

my feelings are kind of how night and day roll around

 

isn't that how all the edgy kids describe their feelings?

 

i think so haha

 

 

and that's ok

 

 

everything is just so plain

 

i don't know what to do with it anymore

 

 

why is it so hard to control feelings?

 

when these people come around, you can feel a fire of hatred flare up in sparks

 

or your heart shimmer down in the bellows of your stomach because of the love

 

 

it's just a little weird you know?

 

we can't control those so easily

 

and i mean that's ok, isn't it?

 

that's just the way it's supposed to be

 

 

can you answer a question for me? 

 

when people tell you they love you, you always ask yourself, do they really?

 

but when a person says they hate you, it's the easiest thing in the world to believe

 

 

why?

 

 

it's a contradiction to the saying "don't believe until you see it"

 

you can never believe the love until they show you it completely and simply

 

but the hate, all they hate to do is say that word and your entire world falls apart

 

 

it's just a little weird is all

 

it's so easy to sit there and not believe the lovely words "i love you" from this person

 

but you can sit there and cry your face off if they use the word hate and your name in the same sentence

 

i wanna know why it works that way

 

is there something out there to answer it for me?

 

i'm sure there is if i just look it up

 

i'd rather sit here and think about it for myself

 

 

i think it's funny though

 

haha

 

 

i shouldn't have to look up that question

 

i should just know the answer shouldn't i?

 

is it that simple?

 

 

can you sit here and think about it for me?

 

is it so hard to come up with that answer?

 

 

love is such a simple and sacred thing

 

you know?

 

 

at the same time it's so complicated and messy

 

and is that our own faults?

 

 

 

missing

 you ever been in love as a teenager?

 

i have 

 

 

delightful is what it is 

 

 

 

new feelings 

 

 

 

 

 

not felt ever before 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its interesting 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ive been in that love 

i snuck out for this love 

i almost ruined my entire life for this love 

 

 

i wont tell you why 

 

you already know 

 

dont sit and act innocent please

 

 

 

it hurts me to know you didnt know you hurt me 

 

 

does that make any sense?

 

 

i just remember you 

 

in that hoodie of yours 

 

you smelt appealing 

 

i fell in love with the scent of your skin

 

 

could i ever classify all of this as love?

 

 

i guess i could but would it be this way for everyone else?

 

 

call me crazy 

 

i know already

 

i

 

might

 

 

be 

 

 

 

crazy

little fake life

 i don't expect you to answer any of these questions that had to do with this little fake life you made up in my mind

 

and that's ok because frankly i don't really wanna know

 

i'm not letting it go of course

 

that hurt

 

 

do you think if i did find out these answers, i could let it go?

 

maybe...

 

maybe not

 

 

i guess i won't ever know will i?

 

 

it's upsetting

 

you told me... there was a piece of you in me

 

that was going to combine with mine to make this life

 

 

a piece of both of us to create one, one of ours

 

ours

 

a child

 

 

did i ever tell you that i thought i did something right? 

 

even though it was all wrong from the start

 

i thought i did something right

 

 

i wasn't particularly going to be happy with the situation 

 

i was 14

 

but as long as you were with me, i thought i was going to be ok

 

 

and that sounded crazy to you

 

who thinks about having children at age 14

 

does anyone?

 

 

i just don't get why you had to make up such a fake lie

 

to try to get me to leave your pathetic self

 

is it so hard to be honest?

 

 

all you had to say 

 

i don't wanna be with you

 

i don't love you

 

i don't want anything from you

 

let me go

 

 

is that hard?

 

it had to be

 

otherwise why? 

 

 

who would hurt another person that bad intetionally to try to get them to leave them

 

i feel like you just didn't want to hurt me

 

and you were trying to make it seem like it was my idea

 

 

but you know of course eventually i left you

 

i haven't moved on obviously

 

i haven't found someone better

 

 

but neither have you? 

 

 

i really just wanna know why

 

you had me walk around for two weeks

 

convinced you and i were making this tiny life a reality

 

 

i just wanna know why you didn't just leave me

 

be honest

 

and leave

 

 

why? 

 

 

why

 

 

 

 

w h y 

blank

 i'm telling myself it's time to let go

 

and maybe it really is

 

i should sit here and wipe everything associating with you out of my head

 

 

but do you think that's really easy to do?

 

for me to just

 

forget everything?

 

 

i'd like to think so

 

and so would a lot of people

 

but that's frankly impossible

 

 

I feel like a sap

 

there are people with way bigger problems

 

and i'm sitting here writing about my shitty relationships

 

 

charming huh?

 

everyone wants to date a girl like that

 

 

and some do

 

because it's easy

 

to make her feel things

 

make her think things

 

make her do things

 

 

and oh, trust me

 

it's all true

 

 

damaged girls will do whatever to please

 

to make you not leave

 

 

and yes of course that's frowned upon

 

but do you think if they keep receiving what they want

 

they care at all?

 

 

the answer is no

 

and that has been made clear to me on many occasions

 

 

i could say be more careful

 

but you never know it's happening until it is happening

 

 

or at least for me anyway

 

 

i just need to stop being so blind

 

and letting love be the priority 

 

when it is so not

 

 

especially right now

 

slow down

 

look out

 

 

 

that's all i can really say

page turner

 

She recognized this look. The look of desperation that she would always receive from him on special occasions.

The occasions where he is lonely and there’s absolutely no one else around to fill this empty void in his chest.

She despised it, all this desperation. It was only for one thing.

She wanted to give him more than just that one thing, but he didn’t want to receive these things from her.

It was only her body, the physical love she could give him at this time.

And she never wanted to give him these things, she wanted to give him much more.

Like always, it was never the deal. It wasn’t what he wanted.

When she said that, he looked into her pleading eyes and told her that it was over.

There would be no more

A part of her was actually okay with that while the rest of her fell apart.

She always thought