Clear your Heart, CL [best book club books txt] 📗

sleeping.
"I don't care if you don't want to. We have to talk and I'm not waiting till 4 to talk to you. Get up and meet me downstairs."
"what the fu*k. I'll be down soon. Get out."
I walk away to the door and I hear Jon say,
"Wow, you really pissed her off. What'd you say to her last night?"
"Nothing, but apparently we have to talk it out. Whatever man."
I go to the living room and stare out the window, daydreaming. When I hear someone coming from behind me I snap out of it and turn around to face him.
"Alright Danny, lets talk."


Chapter 10


So many thoughts filled my mind at that moment. I want to yell at him, but at the same time I don't want to say anything at all. I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to start.
We stand across from each other with our arms folded across our chest, just glaring at the other. It came to my realization that he was waiting for me to proceed with what I called him down here for. But truthfully, I don't know why I did anymore. Sure I'm super pissed but he didn't ruin my relationship with Kyle, so what do I even have to be mad about?
Alright I better say something before he goes off about me waking him up for nothing.
"You know why I wanted to talk you."
"I really don't. Why don't you share what I said or did to get you in this pissy mood, okay?"
Now he is really pissing me off. He's giving me attitude and he knows I noticed it because of that stupid little smirk on his face.
"Alright First of all, what me and Kyle do has nothing to do with you okay? You were out of line asking that. And second of all, don't give me attitude about being in a "pissy" mood because you know I have every right to be mad at you right now."
"No, I don't know that. I don't understand why you're still mad at me, it's not like I broke you two up. Actually I think I made your relationship stronger..."
And then I saw it. The look that crossed his face when he said that just gave it all away. He was jealous. He was actually jealous of my relationship with Kyle. The reason he was acting like such a jerk when Kyle was here is because he's trying to cover up the fact that he doesn't want Kyle and I to be together.
"Danny..."
"Yeah?"
"You don't... You don't want me and Kyle to break up do you?" I whisper.
He didn't answer at first and I'm scared to here what he says when he does.
"Danny?"
"Truthfully?" He says.
"Yeah of course."
"Well truthfully. I kind of do... I love you Mia." He said with his head down.
It took me a couple seconds to grasp what he just said. I couldn't believe it. I have been waiting for him to say this since my freshmen year! Why now?! Why when I get the best boyfriend I could ever dream of, Danny comes in and finally tells me his feelings for me?
"I don't know what I should say."
"Whatever you want. Whatever you feel for me is what I can take right now. So that I can just know."
"Truthfully.... I've had feelings for you for the past couple years and you didn't do anything to show that you returned those feelings. The only sign of you actually liking me back was at Jon's graduation party last year when you asked to dance with me, and I thought it was just a pity dance... I can honestly say that I will always love you Danny, but I can't return that love to you right now. Right now my heart belongs to Kyle. I need to focus on him and it's gotten really hard. Maybe some day we will end up together Danny but I don't think very soon."
I take a deep breathe after I say that whole thing. I pretty much just pored my heart out to the guy that I have loved for 4 years and I rejected him.
"That's all I wanted to hear. I just wanted to know what you felt."
"But how will that make anything better?" I whisper.
"Closure I guess. I'm not completely sure but now I can fully heel without any un-sureness of what could have been."
"I'm so sorry." I whisper.
He leans down and kisses the top of my head and I close my eyes. The tears run down my face as I try to hold in the urge to burst out crying. He gives me a hug and pulls me tight to his chest. I feel myself mold to his body like we were made for each other...
I can't do this.
I push myself away from him and run upstairs to my bedroom and close the door loudly. I lay face down on my bed and just let the tears come down now. I should not be in this much pain, or should I? I just gave up the one boy I actually loved and I don't know if I'll ever get him back. I need to forget this ever happened because I don't want to feel like this ever again.
I know I'm going to regret this but I have to let go of Danny. For right now. I can't keep holding onto him, and knowing that he feels the love for me that I feel for him is going to make that so much harder. But if I want this relationship to work out between Kyle and me, I'm going to have to try. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm going to try to forget Danny,I'm going to... clear my heart of him.


Chapter 11


"Hey do you have your Chemistry book for that test we have tomorrow? I forgot mine in the lab and it's locked now." Klaire says to me from across our dorm.
I turn over on my bed and point to the opposite side of the room, to a table with a bunch of books on it.
"It's probably somewhere in that pile." I say sleepily
So now I'm a freshmen in college and last night was one of he worst nights of my life. But I'll tell you about that later. First I'm going to fill you in on what you missed.
The last couple weeks of Senior year were a total blur. I barely even remember them. All I do remember is they were pretty sad. The year is coming to an end, pretty soon you're leaving some of the people you've known for the past 4 years and have actually grown to like!
Graduation was fun. I obviously cried, and said to everyone that we would never lose touch but you know how that goes. There was a giant party after and all the seniors were letting out all their great times and bad times with the people they interacted with throughout high school but everything came to a happy ending with everyone. When the night came to a close we all said good bye with a few tears here and a bunch of hugs there and so on.
My Graduation party was everything that I ever dreamed of! Everything went perfectly! We danced all night, everyone who came had a great time, and best of all, NO DRAMA! Success!
I know what you're all wondering, and yes Danny came, but I didn't talk to him at all! Well maybe a "Hi" there and a "bye" there but nothing huge. I was pretty much with Kyle and my friends all night.
And like all summers, they flew by, but this one especially. I think it was the shortest, funnest summer of my whole high school life! I wouldn't want to change anything! I'm glad I ended my High School career with a great summer.
So now it's half way through the 1st semester and I'm swamped with homework, my boyfriend that I've been dating for about 2 years dumped me last night, and I'm sick. Isn't that great!? Not. at. all!
Yes, that is why last night was one of the worst nights of my life. Kyle dumped me. I've been in bed all day today either sleeping, crying, or staring at the wall. I know that's not how you're supposed to handle this but it hasn't even been 24 hours yet so cut me some slack!
I just can't believe it's actually over between us. Does he even realize how much I cared about him?? How can he do this to me?? At least he did it in person though and not like other douche bags who call or text or even email. I'll give him that he's not a bad guy I just wish he could be better. I thought when he told me he was going to come visit was because he hasn't seen me in a few weeks and couldn't stand it anymore. What I thought was the opposite of what I got. He couldn't stand one thing for sure, and that was being in a relationship that took a little hard work and could have made it. But who am I kidding, I knew we weren't going to last throughout college, I just really hoped we would.
He told me that it was because it was getting too hard. We're going to different schools now and he can't give as much into the relationship as I wanted him to. I mean I guess that's fair. I wouldn't want to continue a relationship with someone who didn't even want to fully commit to it. That doesn't make it hurt any less though. But before I started to breakdown again Klaire says...
"Alright that's enough. I'm not going to let you be depressed about this anymore. You know what the best part is about breaking up with someone?"
I sniffle before answering, "What?"
"The rebound afterwords! Let's go out tonight and get you someone else! Not a boyfriend but just someone you can flirt with, dance with, someone to make you feel hot again!" She sounded so excited about this.
I gave her one of my looks, this one in particular saying, please don't make me do this.
"I don't know Klaire, I'm in the 'Partying mood' right now..." and I pull the blankets over my head and turn into my pillow, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill out.
She grabs my blankets and throws them onto her bed. I curl up into a ball to shield myself from the unexpected cold.
"Ugh! What are you doing??" I say angrily.
"I gave you a choice to come out tonight and you chose wrong and said no. Now I'm making you come with me tonight because laying in here feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping anything. Actually it's probably making things worse. So get up, get in the shower, and I'll pick out something sexy for you to wear tonight okay?"
I gave up trying to argue with her because I knew in the end I'm just going to end up going anyway, so I get up, and stomp over to the bathroom and get in the shower.
When I step out of the bathroom in my robe and hair up in a towel like I always do, I feel a little better. I feel slightly more like myself and it makes me feel like happiness is