How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2), DeYtH Banger, Clive Cooper [i read book TXT] 📗

in mind, when you’re asking questions or making statements about what you observe (from step 3), sometimes the topic might not seem all that exciting.

In the moment, you might only be able to think of mentioning the weather.

But the important thing isn’t always the topic you throw out there first. It’s the second topic discovered along the way that matters.

For example, if there’s a lull in the conversation and you bring up the weather, maybe the other person talks about the rain for a second too.

But somewhere in there, she mentions how her puppy got drenched in the storm because the doggie door was stuck shut.

Do you think she has an emotional attachment to her puppy and would enjoy talking about that?

You betcha!

Thing is, you got to that fun topic by way of a mundane one.

Now, just ask a question or make a statement about the “free information” of the puppy to keep the chat going…

“Oh, how old is your puppy?

OR

“Haha, it sounds like you wish your puppy were here right now!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step 5: Share Some of Yourself

 

This last step is the “magic” ingredient that can seriously reduce the awkward silences you encounter.

See, if you’re shy, being open about your thoughts and opinions can feel scary.

That’s because you may have been embarrassed in the past for not fitting in. So you become fearful of saying the “wrong thing” and making a fool of yourself.

If you’re introverted, you might have a similar reluctance to share your inner world because you feel it’s private. You only share with people you know well and trust.

I understand both ways of thinking (because I have been shy and I am introverted).

But if you don’t share your thoughts, opinions and experiences with people by TELLING THEM, you’re seriously limiting your conversations and your relationships.

Take the example above of the puppy in the rain.

Maybe you could share with the person YOUR stories of puppies you’ve had. Or, you could talk about how you’re not a dog person and you’ve always liked cats.

Whatever…

 

The idea is by revealing some of yourself, you start to build a connection. The person begins to feel they’re getting to know you.

 

This is the “magic” that breaks down the barrier of rigid and uncertain conversation.

The more two people feel they know each other, the more their conversations begin to flow like it does between true friends (unless the two people are incompatible somehow).

When you make a habit of disclosing relevant experiences, opinions and facts from your life like this, your relationships evolve.

You bond faster and become much less likely to experience awkward silences.

 

Take Action

 

So obviously you want to follow the steps above when you run out of things to say. But do yourself a favor…

Don’t be so hard on yourself if things don’t go perfectly the very next time you hit a quiet streak.

This takes practice. The more you work on moving through the steps, the easier it becomes. You get accustomed to casually and confidently “fishing” for new topics.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 Warning Signs That You’re A Boring Conversationalist

 

 

 

How can you tell if you’re boring someone to tears in a conversation?

Maybe you notice them looking everywhere but at you Maybe their tone of voice screams “I’d rather be anywhere else right now” Maybe they fall asleep on the front of a ship while you’re discussing the cosmos

What?

Just me?

Right…

But are you really boring people in your conversations or just imagining it? How can you tell? And how can you be more engaging and interesting instead?

Here are 7 unexpected boredom-inducing warning signs to look out for in YOUR conversations. If you’re doing one or more of these, it’s very likely people are leaving chats with you wishing they could have those minutes of their life back.

 

1. Your Life Isn’t Interesting

 

One reason you may bore others is you aren’t excited about YOUR life.

 

 

 

 

 

Are you actively pursuing hobbies, goals and dreams that interest you and give you passion? Or do you go home every day after school or work to play video games, watch TV or surf the web?

Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to always say interesting things or impress others. But sharing new experiences and passions with people spices up the relationship. Plus, the more you experience in life, the more you’ll be able to relate with others.

So figure out what you’re interested in. Figure out your passions. Then start living them.

 

2. You Over Think What to Say Next

 

Do you often try to say the “right thing?” Maybe you worry about offending people or saying something embarrassing?

Look, we all have this hang up to a certain degree, but it’s easy to take too far.

It’s easy to develop a subconscious filter that keeps telling you, “don’t say that, it’s not good enough.” So guess what, you don’t say it. OR you think up 20 different ways to say something before the phrase leaves your mouth.

The result is you end up being quiet, stuffy and boring.

The truth is, you need to lower the bar of what comes out of your mouth. Try more to say what comes to mind first in conversations. This leads to more energetic and spontaneous chats.

 

 

 

 

 

3. You’re Cynical and Negative Much of the Time

 

I’m not going to tell you to be bubbly and positive all the time. Everyone has their worries and frustrations. People who actlike they’re always in a good mood make me want to vomit.

On the other hand, if you’re reliably negative and cynical, who the hell wants to be around that? That gets old just as fast.

So if you pride yourself on your “realistic” don’t-get-your-hopes-up view on life, don’t. It’s nothing to be proud of.

Instead,  find something to laugh about every day. Do something nice for someone from time to time. Begin to break up that dark cloud.

 

4. You’re Always Polite, Nice and Proper

 

Nice guys (and gals) finish last.

At least in the social sense, this is often the case. Because well, it’s boring.

 

 

 

 

If you’re ALWAYS following “proper social etiquette” and doing what’s expected, you seem less interesting.

 

 

 

 

Spice it up a bit:

Be challenging and tease people in a fun joking way Curse sometimes if you’re comfortable with it and it’s not totally inappropriate Reveal something slightly embarrassing about yourself

 

 

 

 

I’m not suggesting you be a jerk. But often, shy and socially insecure people try to be “perfect” socially so no one has a reason to criticize them. Yet by acting so bland and predictable, they also achieve the opposite. They don’t give people a reason to notice them.

 

5. You Talk Too Much or Too Little About Yourself

 

You’ve probably been assaulted before by the motor mouth who won’t shut up. You know that gets boring so if you’re doing that, stop. Try to listen more.

But the opposite is just as bad for turning people off.

If you don’t reveal anything about yourself, others don’t get to know you. If they don’t get to know you, they won’t form a true connection with you. They might think you’re nice and all, but a deeper friendship just won’t seem interesting.

Bottom line: Let people know who you are. If you don’t, they’ll soon get bored with the relationship and with you.

6. You Lack Good Eye Contact

Eye contact is a huge social stimulant. It emotionally engages the other person on a primal level.

So if you lack eye contact, your interactions are less stimulating (i.e. boring). Which means others discount the interaction and they discount you. In the end, this leads to you getting ignored a lot more.

Not only that, if you lack good eye contact people assume you aren’t really interested in the interaction. So to save their pride, they won’t invest in the interaction either.

 

7. The Other Person Actually Tells You You’re Boring

 

For the next month or so, assume the ONLY reliable sign you’re boring is if someone tells you so to your face.

Here’s why…

It’s often dangerous to read too much into the actions of others, especially for shy or socially insecure people.

They often assume every “bad” outcome in an interaction is their fault.

Bob excuses himself from a chat with you so you think you’re boring Rachel’s eyes dart around the room as you talk so you think she can’t wait to leave A group pays more attention to Evan than to you so you think you just can’t compare

These could be signs that one or more of the above warning signs are holding you back. But often they’re not.

Maybe Bob just saw a friend he hasn’t met in years and excuses himself to go talk Maybe Rachel is expecting her roommate to arrive soon so she’s keeping an eye out Maybe Evan just has a greater rapport with the group than you for now

So often, our negative (unrealistic) beliefs about ourselves cause us to create meanings that just aren’t true. In other words, you believe you are boring so your mind finds “evidence” of this even when it doesn’t exist.

Instead, try assuming you are interesting. Then push through the negative signs you think you’re getting from others. Unless they tell you, “this is boring” and walk away, stick in there longer than you normally would.

Many times, you’ll find the other person IS happy to be talking with you. It was just your imagination making things seem worse than they are.

We all want to be interesting so people respect and like us.

But being interesting isn’t always about being wild, zany or “on-cue” funny.

Being interesting is often about being REAL. In my experience, following the tips above is a great start to becoming authentically interesting.

So that not only will people pay more attention to you…they’ll want to stick around for the long haul too.

 

 

How to Start a Conversation, Part 3: What to Talk About?

 

 

 

 

This is where you start to sweat.

You’ve smiled. Said hello. Responded with, “I’m fine. How are you?”

Now what?

That eternal question right? What do I talk about? Because if you don’t come up with something… *crickets*

Awkward!

Fortunately, most times you can start a conversation by remembering just two topics. Oh. And there’s one you probably want to avoid, at least at first.

Two topics to keep in mind:

The situation you both share The other person

Let’s go through both in more detail and then we’ll talk logistics.
 

What’s Going On?

 

How to start a conversation? Good question and using your shared situation with another person is one of the best answers.

I mean, it’s common sense, but if there’s something in your environment you can both relate to, that’s a perfect starting point.

Look around for anything worth pointing out or consider the occasion for being where you are.

This can be obvious like an interest group you’re in, say like a running group. Since you’re both there, you obviously share an interest in running. So talk running:

You: “Hey. So, what do you think about the route today? Lots of hills, huh?”

Other Person: “Yeah, there are. I need to build my leg strength though, so I’m looking forward to it.”

It can also be about something that just happened. Say you’re waiting in line at a coffee shop and someone orders an Orange Mocha Frappachino. This is an opportunity to turn to the person next to you:

“An Orange Mocha Frappachino? That sounds crazy! Have you ever tried that? No? Y’know, I actually wouldn’t mind trying something new today. What’s a good one you always get?”

Cold, Isn’t It?

In fact, the ultimate situational opener is the uber-cliché of conversation – the weather. That’s because everyone can relate to the weather; it’s something we all experience and have an emotional attachment to.

This is the basis of starting a conversation about the situation. It makes sense to talk to about something both of you can immediately relate to.
 

Start a Conversation Using the Hottest Topic of the Last 3,000 Years

 

People have always been more interested in themselves than just about anything else. Why not use this to your advantage?

 

Look for something about the person you can ask about or comment on.

 

For example, maybe a guy has a nice watch. Say you like it. Ask where he got it or what kind is it.

Perhaps you hear a woman talking with a strong accent. Mention you love her accent and just have to know where she’s from.

What are they doing, talking about, reading, etc. If you’re positive and friendly in your approach, people are often more inclined to talk about themselves than