How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2), DeYtH Banger, Clive Cooper [i read book TXT] 📗

you do say it out loud, fine. But the point is to focus on the quality in them you like, not your anxiety.

 

Two tips:

 

Make sure you genuinely admire the trait. Otherwise you defeat the purpose of switching your focus at an emotional level. You still need to pay attention to what the person is saying. This technique doesn’t excuse forgetting the basics of good conversation etiquette.

 

Summary

 

By switching focus from your anxiety to a quality you genuinely appreciate in a new acquaintance, you create a warmth in yourself toward them.

Subconsciously, they’ll notice this and their mirror neurons do the rest, reflecting that feeling of warmth.

Now, instead of feeling anxious and uncomfortable when you’re around, they feel at ease.

Bottom line: They want more of you.

Now that’s more like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Shyness

 How to Overcome Shyness (and Be Confident)

 

 

 

Helpful Advice to Reduce Your Nervousness and Talk With Confidence

 

 

 

“The worst thing [about shyness] is the stupid hopefulness. Every new party, every new bunch of people, and I start thinking that maybe this is my chance. That I’m going to be normal this time. A new leaf. A fresh start. But then I find myself at the party, thinking, Oh, yeah. This again. So I stand on the edge of things, crossing my fingers, praying nobody will try to look me in the eye. And the good thing is, they usually don’t.”

 

– Carol Rifka Brunt

 

So, do you consider yourself shy?

Maybe you do. Maybe you’re not sure. And that’s understandable. Shyness can be pretty confusing!

Because shyness can feel different for every person it touches.

 

Maybe you fear talking to some people some of the time (but do well with others) Maybe you CAN talk to new people, but you second-guess everything you say (and worry you’ll say something stupid) Maybe you’ve learned to loathe meeting new people, but at the same time yearn to have more friends Or maybe, you just feel others are better than you in general, and there’s no way you can compare

 

However you experience it, one thing is pretty clear: Shyness holds you back from getting the most from your life.So below are some articles I’ve put together to help you begin understanding what shyness is and how to overcome shyness.

Chapter 2.1 - Honesty (Part 3)

Note: yOU Just need a new set of mindset... YOU NEED TO REFRAME IT... once and for all.

 

 

 

 Turn Social Anxiety into Excitement With This 5-Step Public Speaking Trick

 

 

 

 

You’re waiting in a long line at the grocery store. I mean the place is packed! Suddenly, a cute gal (or guy) stands in line behind you. You’re attracted to her; you know it.

You want to talk to her, so you decide to give it a go.

But what to say? You think through possible beginnings, trying to get it just right. You almost turn to her 5 times.

Now your heart is racing, your palms sweaty. You’re jittery.

There’s no way you could chat to her like this! If you only knew how to stop over-thinking everything.

Arrrgh! Blasted social anxiety strikes again.

 

But wait…

 

What if you could use this anxiety to your advantage? What if you could turn it around to make your first words compelling instead of FREAKING OUT?

I actually learned to do exactly that from years of public speaking. Here’s how:

 

Why You Should Be Happy You Feel Anxiety

 

I spoke in front of crowds in one form or another for about 8 years. Two of which I also attended Toastmasters public speaking groups. And while it got easy to jump in front of an audience, those jitters never fully went away.

As you can imagine, getting up and speaking in front of 100’s or 1000’s of people can be pretty intimidating. If you’re not used to it, you sorta freak out and think, “why did I get myself into this?”

But guess what?

That’s a good thing.

If you’re a public speaker, you should be worried if you…well aren’t worried anymore. Because if you don’t have some sort of anxiety, you probably don’t care anymore.

 

There’s no fear because you’re apathetic. That’s not good for your performance because you probably won’t put any emotion into it.

 

Great Conversations Come From Enthusiasm & Excitement (Just Not Too Much)

 

In public speaking, emotion is important, especially the emotion of excitement. Excitement and enthusiasm transfers from you to your audience and keeps them engaged.

So, I learned to embrace my anxiety! Anxiety is power because I learned how to reframe it as excitement.

The same principles hold true for meeting new people. 

 

You don’t want to be completely devoid of fear. That would mean you’re devoid of enthusiasm and your interactions would be bland.

 

But on the other hand, unchecked nervous energy makes you, well…nervous. It’s easy to come off like a bumbling idiot in that state. So, here is a process I used in public speaking to reframe anxiety into excitement. Use it to do the same for your social anxiety so you feel more confident in conversation.

 

5 Step Process to Turn Anxiety into Positive Excitement

 

Accept Your Anxiety – Most people want to cure anxiety or deny they’re feeling it. But here’s the thing, fighting it only makes it stronger. It’s how you feel and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a human being in a situation uncomfortable to you. It’s natural to have some fear. So just say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious right now, but I can accept that. It’s ok. I can still function even with this anxiety. I don’t have to try and get rid of it.”

 

Take a Few Deep Breaths – I know you’ve heard this one before, but how often do you actually do it? Quite simply, it helps to calm you down and take your mind off negative thoughts.

 

Tense and Relax Your Arms/Legs – You can do this in any setting and no one will notice. This helps get the shakes out of your body by releasing that trapped nervous energy.

 

Re-Frame Anxiety as Excitement – Remember, you’re anxious because you care. This interaction is important to you and there’s nothing wrong with that. So to refocus that nervous energy, again don’t hide from it. Go into it. Really feel it’s power and potential. But instead of thinking negative thoughts, think about that energy giving you a bounce in your step. Think about it giving you the juice for an infectious smile and to say an enthusiastic, “Hey, how’s it going?” to that cutie behind you. Re-define the feeling as an enthusiasm to do well. Just thinking in terms of your nervousness being a positive, useful energy helps to make it so.

 

Go For It – No matter what you do, if you wait too long, your excitement will turn back into nervousness. So give yourself to the count of 3 and just go for it while you’re in a positively excited state. That’s a much better place to start from than where you were before.

 

Finally, one other major factor to reducing anxiety before a speech was being prepared. So, if you don’t feel you know what to do or say in conversation, then it’s understandable you feel nervous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me on microphone (middle). Yes, I'm also wearing an afro. But that's another story...

 

 

 

 

 Note: Not taking action... means that people won't take action... it start all from you...

So what's next!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: Get People Naked! Q: How to Gain Confidence in Conversation?

 

 

 

 

 

I just read an excellent article from Pick the Brain that reminded me of a simple but VERY important mindset.

Y’see, too often we choke who we really are because we’re afraid of what others might think. And what does that do?

Well, it keeps you quiet and unnoticed in groups. You don’t talk to the attractive person in the elevator because you’re afraid it’ll “come out wrong.” You stick to people you’re comfortable with instead of meeting someone new. And the list goes on and on, right?

Overall this stops you from living the life you want, from living your life to the fullest.

But, by constantly reminding yourself of one simple mindset, you can reclaim your freedom

 

People Are More Concerned About Themselves than You

 

It’s true. Nine out of ten, the number one thing on people’s mind is themselves.

Not so sure? Just look at yourself. What do you think about most?

Well, if you’re like most people (myself included) you’re probably thinking about what you’re doing, what you plan to do, how well you’re doing, what it all means for YOU…

Point is, keeping this in mind takes some pressure off your shoulders. Because people are so preoccupied with themselves, they rarely notice or care what you’re doing.

 

This means you don’t have to act or be perfect. You have lots of leeway to:

mess up say silly things & be dorky reveal slightly embarrassing personal details bump into a table on accident

You have more freedom to be YOU than you think.

 

Everyone in the Bar is Naked – the Mindset in Action

 

I remember a few years ago, I was at a bar with co-workers after work. We were talking in a group and I felt so out of place.

Everyone had something to say, something interesting to contribute. I just felt like I’d sound stupid if I opened my mouth. I kept thinking, “What can I say? What can I say?” But I only faded more into the background.

I walked to the bar for a drink and looked around. Suddenly, I noticed the obvious.

No one was watching me; no one was judging me but ME.

Everyone was more concerned about how they were coming off. They worried what people were thinking about them!

It’s funny, but the realization had that “imagine people as naked” effect. Y’know, like what people tell you to do when you give a speech or something.

It’s like I realized, “Hey, you’re naked too. We’re all in the same boat.”

It chilled me out. I rejoined the group and stopped worrying so much what others would think of me. I focused more on the moment.

Because I was listening now, I noticed more opportunities to speak up. Because I wasn’t so self-conscious, I said the first ideas that came to mind and flowed in what I was saying.

 

The Skinny Dipping Summary

 

So next time you’re feeling oppressed, like anything you say or do will be weird, remember you’re probably the only one thinking that.

Everyone has trouble with what to say at times.

We’re all naked. It’s just a matter of jumping in and skinny dipping with the rest of us.