The Easy Way to Handle Anxiety, Johnny Montoya [the chimp paradox TXT] 📗

note of where you got to, and turn back until it's not so bad. Then stay in that spot for a while and see how you feel.

 

Do it time and time again, and then very gradually go a little bit further out. Even just a few feet at a time. Just keep making progress, no matter how small. It all adds up.

 

As you're walking, take the time to observe and absorb your surroundings. Notice the houses, shops, parked cars, and any permanent landmarks like trees and certain buildings. What you want to do is become as familiar with this outside environment as you are with your own home. You want the streets surrounding your home to feel like an extension of it, like tentacles.

 

Once you've mastered that route and gone as far as you can, do the same again but in a different direction from your home. Walk the same distance. Remember that although everything will look different, it's basically the same walk, in terms of time spent doing it. Continue walking out in different directions until you're comfortable with the area around your home up to whatever radius you want.

 

You'll have the reassurance that any time you find yourself within that radius, you'll be OK, because it will be just like being at home. Remember what I said about rituals in Chapter 1? This is a good opportunity to do one. Whenever you're out and about, remind yourself that you're essentially at home. And of course, now you'll be in a position to experiment and be more flexible. For example, why not create a network of familiar routes that link to each other. Or pick certain places (i.e. parks, bus stops) and designate them as outposts of your lounge. It's not hard to colonise your whole neighbourhood.

Prolong your time spent outside

The simple fact is that once you're out there, you're out there. It's just as easy to be out and about for an hour as it is for half an hour. Or maybe it's a bit different for you. Find out when that point is, when you no longer care so much about time. Whatever it happens to be, the fact remains that the longer you're out, the more confidence it gives you.

 

If you have errands to do, list them and do them all in one journey. Otherwise, think of stuff that needs doing in the near future, and do it all now. Or just walk around and see what's what. The important thing is to have something to keep you busy and focused.

 

Once you've established what you're going to do, decide on the order that you're going to do it in, and plan your route from one place to the next. Again, this will keep your mind focused.

 

If you like, why not set a timer and make sure that you're away from home for the whole duration. This will give you a sense of achievement as you return home.

 

If you want to extend your time spent out further, have a go at taking the long route from place to place. And remember, you don't have to be on the move the whole time. You can just sit down and plant yourself somewhere for a bit. A good place to go to is a library, or some place where no one cares what you do, where you can just sit, relax and do your own thing.

 

On your way back, why not take a slight detour. Exceeding your own expectations is very good for morale. It's much easier to take detours when you're on your way home, as most of the challenge will be over.

 

Getting back to your old self isn't hard. The outside world is always there. You're always welcome to it. Don't allow yourself to become housebound. It can creep up on you so don't let it happen. Everything you do counts.

 

Remember, no matter what level you're at, it can always be extended. You just have to repeat, get used to it, then branch out. The key is: Small and often, then progress.

 

 

If you follow my suggestions, you'll be able to calmly walk around in your local area, and get on with your day. This will give you the foundation to handle being further away from home. So do it.

 

Now let's build some more confidence. It's time to deal with visitors.

Summary

* Don't let yourself become housebound. Spend lots of time outdoors. The longer and more often you're out, the more confident you'll become.

 

* Give yourself easy challenges, do your best, don't give yourself a hard time if you can't manage it, and only measure successes.

 

* Choose a time to walk that's best for you. If too much traffic or people bothers you, do it at night or early in the morning.

 

* Keep yourself occupied by incorporating errands into your walks.

 

* Set a timer and try to be away from home for the whole duration. Gradually extend the time and see how far you can take it.

 

* Listen to music and measure your progress by the number of songs played.

 

* Observe and become familiar and comfortable with your local surroundings and landmarks.

 

* Exceed your expectations by taking detours on your way back home.

 

* Repeat your journeys, gradually make them longer, keep making progress.

 

* Mark your territory. Create routes that spread out in different directions from your house, like tentacles.

 

* Expand your Safe Zone by creating a network of familiar routes that link to each other. Do this and you'll always feel safe in your local area.

Chapter 6: They're Coming!

When you're out and about, you always have the option of heading back home if it gets a bit tricky. But what about when you have visitors?

 

It can be daunting to have your safe space taken over, and the whole vibe changed. You have to adjust to accommodate them, and if you let them down or end up sending them away, they'll feel like they've wasted their time. Then you'll feel self conscious because they'll probably think twice before coming again.

 

Your own home should always be comfortable for you, even with other people there. Remember, it's your place, and only you are in charge of how you feel. Let's take a look at how it's possible for you to have visitors without feeling too nervous.

Get in there first and invite them over!

Imagine that someone is in your house right now. If you knew that they were going to be gone in 5 minutes, would you feel nervous? I'm guessing that it wouldn't bother you much.

 

But what if you had no idea how long they were going to hang around? Or you did, and it was an hour? You'd probably find yourself counting every second before they finally get out of your hair.

 

Look, there's an easy way to have visitors while staying in control: You get in there first and invite them! Here's how you do it.

 

Think of the one person you know who you feel the most comfortable with. Preferably someone who knows about your anxiety and is understanding about it.

 

Pick a specific day and time in the near future when you know you'll be free.

 

Ask that person to come over at that time. Think up a reason, but make sure it's a casual, informal visit.

 

Make it clear to them that it will only be for a short time. However much time you have free, make it less. So if you're free for 2 hours, ask them to come over for half an hour. Don't tell them that you really have a whole two hours free.

 

That way, when their time is up, you will have the option to send them on their way, or have them stay a while longer. No pressure on you.

 

If you can only manage to have them for the time that you said, that's good enough. And if you exceed that time, that's a bonus. Either way, you get to experience having a visitor in a way that gives you an escape option and is easy to handle.

Prepare yourself before visitors arrive

If you have to have someone round for whatever reason, or if someone invites themselves over, here's how to give yourself the best chance of feeling calm.

 

Get a doorbell with a relaxing sound that won't make your heart stop. Set your