The Easy Way to Handle Anxiety, Johnny Montoya [the chimp paradox TXT] 📗

and next time it will be even more awkward. Seems like a lot of pressure.

 

Let me reassure you that it needn't be like that. If you keep your eyes open, you'll spot many ways to get through it and enjoy yourself. The key is, as usual, to make everything work in your favour. You'll have a good time, you'll create positive memories and associations, and you feel proud at the end of the night.

 

Let's look closely at how to prepare yourself before going to your destination, how to formulate an escape plan if you really need it, and how to handle yourself when you arrive. I'm going to guide you through the whole process.

Escape / Plan B

Knowing that you have the means to make a quick exit will give you reassurance, allowing you to let go and enjoy yourself. Try to do the following things in advance.

 

Tell your friends that you might not be able to stay for long. Make up an airtight reason that can't be argued with, and they can't talk you out of. You'll then be able to relax, knowing that it won't be long before you have the option to leave or stay. Every minute that you manage to stay on will be a bonus, giving you the satisfaction and confidence of having exceeded your goal. If someone asks why you haven't left, that's a good chance to be the good guy who didn't want to let anyone down.

 

Indeed, try to have an alternative place to go, or something to do at home, in case you do need to escape. Maybe you could stop by at the supermarket on your way home, or plan a pleasant activity to get on with when you arrive. A backup plan will give you a sense of achievement and prevent you from beating yourself up over a “failed” evening. As long as you did your best, you didn't fail.

 

Find out if any of the people in your group will be driving there. Tell them about your anxiety and ask them if they'll be willing to drive you home at a moment's notice. If they say OK, hold them to that and let them know that you're serious. Make them promise you that they'll take you home without hesitation or arguing. Also, ask if they'll let you use their car as a refuge so you can compose yourself if you need to. If you do end up having to ask them to take you home and they try to talk you into staying, let them. You never know, they might convince you so give it a chance.

Get all the public transport information necessary to get you home, and keep a timetable with you. Find out where the nearest bus stops and train stations are to the venue, house or whatever.

 

Estimate when you'll arrive, and how long you'd be there if you were to stay for the whole duration. Then split that time into periods of about 20 to 30 minutes. Now order a cab in advance for each of those times, from different companies. Tell them that it's crucial that they arrive on time, and give them an exact place to park and wait for you. Give them your address and tell them that you need them to get you home as fast as possible. Get all that out of the way to save you from having to explain anything if you need to go through with it.

 

Think of each time period as a little challenge, and for each cab that you feel you can miss, be courteous and call to cancel because you never know if you'll need them again. When you make the call, enjoy the moment because it represents a milestone. Don't forget to bring more than enough cash for the journey, should you need it. Now you've got a series of cabs arriving for you throughout the evening, ready to whisk you away!

 

See how easy it is to turn something around to your advantage?

Preparing yourself to go there

On the day before the event, listen to some soothing music or hypnosis and get a good night's sleep.

When you get up, cook something nice and see what's on TV that evening. If you become anxious and end up coming back home, you'll at least have something to look forward to.

 

Designate someone you trust out of your group as your spokesperson. If you have a problem and you really don't feel able to go, tell them only, and leave them to tell everyone else so you don't have to justify yourself to everybody. You can also use that person when you need to bend someone's ear and ask for encouragement to stick it out.

 

If they serve drinks at the place where you're going, why not call one of your friends and ask them to have a drink ready for you when you arrive. Or just a glass of water. This will save you queuing time, and make you feel taken care of.

 

To keep yourself mentally alert, eat well and drink plenty of water all day. And make a tasty snack that you can discreetly take with you.

 

Look your best. It will help you feel confident and prepared, not to mention the compliments that you may get. You should use every little psychological trick in the book. Play some uplifting music as you get ready.

 

Do a bit of light exercise for 5 minutes, then have a stretch and a shake, then relax. This will put you in a good frame of mind. If it helps, have a drink before heading out, but just enough to relax and get in the mood.

 

Take a nap and listen to relaxing music for about an hour before leaving. Take sips of water and keep a window open or fan on. When you're ready to head off, go to the toilet and get that out of the way so you'll stay relaxed.

 

When it's 10 minutes before leaving time, pop outside and get some fresh air. Don't forget your bumbag and water bottle, and device for playing music on the way. And more than enough cash. When you're ready, just close your front door and calmly go on your way.

When you arrive

You've got two options. You can arrive early, walk around, get familiar with the surrounding area, take a peek inside, then go in when you're ready and wait for your friends. Or you can arrive a bit late. The advantage is that you'll have a welcoming party, which will be great for morale. Take your pick.

 

Before going in, stand outside for a couple of minutes, take some nice calm breaths, and when the moment feels right, just walk right in. If you want to walk in and out a few times, go ahead.

 

As soon as you can, find out where the toilets are. Apart from the obvious, it's good to know where you can go to splash water on your face or spend a few moments alone to compose yourself. Don't forget that you can make the toilets part of your Safe Zone.

 

You'll be better off sitting near a window and the exit, or at least facing it. If that's not possible, at least try to position yourself where there aren't too many people blocking your way. And anyway, people tend to shift around a lot, so you'll have plenty of chances to grab a comfortable spot.

 

Once you're settled, feel free to walk around a bit and venture outside of your area. Don't get self conscious about needing to disappear from time to time throughout the evening. Do it as often as you need to. Also, feel free to get up and leave as if you're going home, and just walk down the street for a bit, get some fresh air, then come back. Give yourself the flexibility to do that.

 

Make sure you spend most of your time hanging out with and talking to positive people that make you feel comfortable. Even 1 person can be enough. Soak in their vibe and let it rub off on you. Scan around for happy, positive interactions between people, and watch them. Phase out negative people and situations. If you think a bit of alcohol will help relax you, go for it, but take it nice and slow. Don't overdo it. And smile!

 

If it's a restaurant, and you're one of those people that finds it hard to eat in front of others, especially in a public place, then just order a drink and a starter. Pay upfront (including tip) so you won't have to worry about it later, especially if you find yourself needing to leave. Pick at your food and focus more on conversation.

 

During conversations, there are a few ways to make it work for you. The first is focusing on the other person. Asking them questions about themselves, showing an interest, complimenting them and making them the centre of attention will make them warm to you. People love talking about themselves. It will keep you nicely distracted without having to do much except bounce off what they say.

 

The other is to talk about yourself in a way that's positive or impressive. Anything that gets you a good response will make you feel good. One other way is to talk about pleasant, positive topics to create a good atmosphere. Try to think of some in advance.

 

If you want, mention your anxiety. But do it in a way that conveys courage and humour. Your goal is to be admired and respected. Keep it lighthearted and brief, then move on to other topics. If anyone makes fun of you, join them. If any of your friends comforts you or gives you a pep talk, milk it for all it's worth. Take away as much positivity