The Easy Way to Handle Anxiety, Johnny Montoya [the chimp paradox TXT] 📗

Talk to your amygdala. Tell it that it's reacting to nothing. Treat it like a friend who's on your side and is trying to help you, but they're a bit confused. Say “Thanks pal, but there's nothing going on, there's no threat, save your energy and take a break”.

 

Bombard yourself with logic. Respond to every thought, feeling and sensation with logical arguments as to why everything is OK. This will keep your mind busy, reassured, and you'll feel stronger. Treat it like a game of tennis. A feeling comes along, and you just knock it back with logic.

 

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Stop what you're doing, and demand that your amygdala tells you exactly what the threat is and where it is. Refuse to be anxious until you get your answer.

Oh my god it's real!

Happy now? For this one you need to be alone. Pick something stupid and pretend that it's a threat. For example a fan, the sound of traffic, or a piece of paper. Now play along and act anxious. Be a total clown about it. “Oh my god! That's the threat right there!!!” Project all of your anxiety onto it, as if it's really bothering you. Then bravely disarm the “threat” (i.e. turn the fan off, close the window, scrunch up the paper and throw it away). Act relieved and say to your amygdala, “happy now?” If you still feel anxious, do it again with something else. See how long you can keep a straight face. Just before typing this sentence I tried it and I was laughing within seconds. I love this one.

 

Attack something! This one is also for when you're alone. Give your amygdala the satisfaction that it wants. I mean, you know there's no threat, but what if you attack something? Your amygdala doesn't have a clue anyway, so what difference does it make? Grab a pillow or something and attack it. Or run, literally run away! Play it out, put on a show, and bring it to closure.

 

I've heard of anxiety but this is ridiculous! Think of something that doesn't bother you at all. For example, what your cat thinks of your new job. Now switch over and start worrying about that. Force yourself to stress about it. Then, just when the nonsense of it all is at its height, switch back to your original anxiety, and take that sense of ridiculousness with you.

Monitor yourself

Meter reading. Visualise a meter reading of your anxiety level. The needle is wobbling around nervously, responding to next to nothing. Now, watch as it becomes steady, less sensitive, then watch it drop. Aaaaah, nice.

 

Give yourself a score. Monitor your feeling by giving it a score. 0 is complete calm, 10 is a panic attack. Don't exaggerate it. In fact, play it down a bit. If it's high, tell yourself that it's on its way down, and watch as it slowly descends, like a thermometer. If it's low, recognize that and give yourself credit. The point is to not make it out to be worse than it is. If you can handle a certain level, you know you can do it again. And bear in mind that the way you feel is influenced by how you perceive and react. You may not be as anxious as you believe yourself to be.

When you're in limbo

No-show. You know when you've been feeling anxious for some time, but a panic attack hasn't shown up yet? That's the time to remind yourself that if it hasn't happened yet, it most likely ain't happening at all.

 

Time out. Sometimes, even though it doesn't lead to panic, anxiety just lingers. It can be annoying. Believe it or not, you can take a break from anxiety. Just say to yourself "This is getting ridiculous, I'm taking a break” and just stop feeling anxious. Yes, just stop. If it persists, then say / think “STOP!” Tell yourself to snap out of it. If it continues, ignore it. This is the perfect time to realise just how much control you really have.

If it turns into panic

Complete denial. Tell yourself that you're feeling absolutely no anxiety. Everything is fine. Be as stubborn as you possibly can. Disassociate yourself completely from it. Wash your hands of the whole thing. Panic? What are you talking about?

 

Just a moment, please... I know it's hard to imagine, but even though you've got that feeling of dread, if you give yourself a chance you can actually tell your amygdala to hold on a moment, and not make you panic just yet. It may not make the feeling go away completely but it puts you in a frame of mind where it's less intense. See how long you can keep delaying it, by telling it “Wait! Hold on, I'm not ready yet!”

 

Make a spectacle of it. Turn it into a comedy. Go ahead and have your panic attack, but you better put on a good performance, and make it a real farce. Act like the most cowardly, pathetic, whimpering clown. See what your amygdala thinks about that. And if there are people around, then do it all in your head. Have fun with it.

 

If you feel sick, calmly find a discreet place and do your thing. Do it with your eyes closed. Be quick, quiet and efficient, then take some nice deep breaths, and have a few sips of water and a mint. Don't make a big deal out of it. Then get on with your day.

As soon as you feel better

Smile. You did it! You got through it, and now you're a little bit tougher. It was only anxiety and now it's over. Keep any desire to be on your guard to a minimum. There's really no need to worry. But hey, if it wants to come back for round two, you know you're ready.

 

Rewrite history. No matter what happened, tell it like everything was fine. Give it a positive spin and a happy ending. If anything good happened, even the slightest positive feeling, overemphasise it. The trick is to create a positive memory of the experience, and an image of yourself as someone who can easily deal with anxiety. Make any panicky moments an unimportant afterthought. That way, next time you can respond from a position of confidence. It makes all the difference. It's also important to be philosophical about it. Maybe there's something to take away from the experience. Find out what that is.

 

Resist the temptation to get hyper. You'll probably have a spring in your step now, and by all means go ahead and enjoy it. But don't squander the confidence that you're feeling on “celebrating” by getting hyper, like I've done at times. Keep it. Let it work for you. Just keep calm and smile inside, and let it act as a barrier to any potential future anxiety. If you feel hyper, stop.

 

In Chapter 2 I described why and how anxiety happens. Well, what we've just done is look at a bunch of ways that you can mess with it. Maybe even have a bit of fun with it.

 

I want you to imagine being anxious. Now go through each of those techniques, one by one, and try them out. Either imagine doing them, or act them out. It's up to you, as long as it feels real enough. Which ones could you imagine helping you the most? Which ones are the easiest for you? It's a good idea to know this so that when you're in the situation for real, you'll know what to do, and you won't get too flustered. Practise them often. Think of it like army training that kicks in automatically during combat. You'll feel much better knowing you're prepared.

 

Anxiety is different to a panic attack. Anxiety is like "Oh shit, I feel nervous", and panic is like "OH FUCK! I'M GOING TO PUKE, FAINT AND DIE ALL AT THE SAME TIME! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!" When you're just feeling nervous and anxious, try not to make a drama out of it. Learn to calmly contain it. Do what you need to do to tone it down, and just get on with your day. If you