Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life, Jason Goodwin [ink book reader .txt] 📗

we haven’t had healthy relationshipsin the past, that doesn’t mean we can’t cultivate them in our livestoday. We are not cursed. We do not have to choose partners whodisrespect us. We do not have to stay in relationships with peoplewho abuse us.

Working to create good relationships in ourlives is a critical part of our healing process. Many of us wereraised by parents or family members who mistreated us or abused us.Without proper role models, we may have never learned the value ofrespect, trust, communication, boundaries, and support.

How To Win Friends And InfluencePeople, an excellent book by Dale Carnegie, describes howtaking a genuine interest in others often results in them taking agenuine interest in us. When we show others that we care for them,they are more likely to care for us in return.

Try the suggestions in this chapter. Trythinking of other people’s needs more often. Try to become lessselfish. Try to develop integrity, and act in ways you will notlater regret. When we are motivated by love, we feel better aboutourselves. We begin to overcome the self-abuse of our past, andstop accepting abuse from others.

There is a better way to live and to love. Toattract healthy partners, we must become the person we want tomeet. As we work to create better relationships with ourselves, wedevelop the tools we need to create lasting, healthy relationshipswith others.

Stepping Stones to Health

Good Relationships

-Try to identify where you are in thestepping-stones to health, and the next step or steps you need totake.

_____ 1. I am unhappy with a relationshipthat is verbally, physically, psychologically, or sexually abusive,but I am too afraid to end it.

_____ 2. I am unhappy with a verbally,physically, psychologically, or sexually abusive relationship and Ihave approached my partner about going to therapy or couplescounseling to talk about our problems.

_____ 3. I have approached a verbally,physically, psychologically, or sexually abusive partner aboutdoing therapy or marital counseling but he or she is unwilling towork on themselves or to change.

_____ 4. I have decided that I need to getout of this verbally, physically, psychologically, or sexuallyabusive relationship, but I don’t know what to do and I’m afraidfor myself and my children.

_____ 5. I have contacted a women’s/men’sshelter or a supportive family member so I will have a place tostay, and I am willing to involve the police if necessary to breakoff this abusive relationship.

_____ 6. I have broken off a verbally,physically, psychologically, or sexually abusive relationship and Ifeel very hurt.

_____ 7. I am angry and cynical aboutrelationships because of what happened to me.

_____ 8. I am working to heal myself becauseI know I can’t have good relationships until I become healthy.

_____ 9. I am working to understand my ownissues in relationships, and trying to change my patterns andbehaviors.

_____ 10. I have spent some time working onmyself and have become interested in dating again.

_____ 11. I have learned from the mistakes Imade in the past, and have decided to approach relationshipscautiously.

_____ 12. I take my time getting to knowpeople, and am careful about giving them my trust (I give it atleast a year before making any major commitments).

_____ 13. I promptly break off anyrelationship that become verbally, physically, psychologically, orsexually abusive.

_____ 14. I am currently seeking or havefound a relationship that is supportive instead of abusive.

Chapter 30 –Staying Healthy

“Empowerment does not mean gaining power orcontrol over this world.

It means gaining power and control over ourown decisions.”

-Jason Goodwin

Overcoming the effects of sexual abuse may bethe most difficult challenge of our lives. Sexual abuse forces usto answer questions like, “Am I a bad person? Can I be brainwashedinto believing I am a bad person? Can I be manipulated into abusingothers? Can I be manipulated into abusing myself?”

The way we answer these fundamental questionsdetermines whether we prolong the cycle of abuse or end it. Whetherwe get stuck in our pain or choose to heal it. Whether we allowourselves to be controlled, or take back our power, our choices,and our lives.

Empowerment does not mean gaining power orcontrol over this world. It means gaining power and control overour own decisions. Deciding for ourselves how we want to betreated. Deciding for ourselves how we will treat others. Decidingfor ourselves who we are, what we deserve, and what we will createwith our lives.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Helping Ourselves When We AreHurting

I recently broke off an abusive relationshipfor the first time in my life. She was so good to me at first. Itrusted her. But there was too much I didn’t know. I moved in withher too quickly.

Within a month of living together, she becameverbally abusive. She would yell and scream at me in an effort tomake me feel bad about myself. She blamed me for the problems wewere having and was completely unwilling to look at her ownissues.

Her abuse was my final test. I had moved allthe way to Canada to be with her. I knew that if I ended therelationship, I would have no money, no job, and no place to live.I would lose everything I owned.

I had spent $10,000 moving to Canada and hadgone an additional $10,000 in debt. I knew that if I broke off therelationship, my life would be completely shattered.

“Should I get out of this abusiverelationship?” I asked myself. “Even if it means losingeverything?” My answer, for the first time in my life, was aresounding “Yes.” I had to leave, no matter the cost.

It is truly a blessing when we can finallysee the fork in the road. When we finally see the differencebetween following that old, familiar path and embarking on a new,more rewarding journey.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #2:Getting What You Work For

About two and a half months ago I announcedto my parents, “I’ve done it! I’ve finally worked through my sexualabuse issues!”

They said they were very happy for me. Afteryears of struggle, I felt that I had finally achieved success.

The next day, my father told me that thereceptionist at his dentist’s office noticed me the last time Icame in for a cleaning. She had written her phone number on theback of