Dating & Courtship, Stephen Picklesimer [e textbook reader TXT] 📗

The reasons include all the principles previously discussed. There are many reasons why it is unwise to even date, let alone marry, those of different beliefs.
On a related note, many have made the grievous mistake of urging others to “get baptized so that we can get married.” This mocks God and the true meaning of conversion by trivializing it into a necessary, minor detail that one orchestrates en route to what will be a marriage that God is not involved in! God sees through all such charades.
Are Necking and Petting Wrong?
We have already discussed sex prior to marriage, but there are other aspects of this subject to be understood.
We have seen that society is almost entirely driven by sex. Sexual influences abound—everywhere. Both men and women in this society are programmed to think that sex is good in practically any situation or circumstance.
God created human beings male and female. By extension, this means that He designed marriage and the family relationship—and there cannot be families without sexual relations. As the Designer and Author of sex, God determined where it belongs—within marriage (Heb. 13:4)!
While sexual intercourse brings a husband and wife together, to share the wonderful sensations that God created for the marriage relationship, any form of it outside of marriage is expressly forbidden—and is sin (Gal. 5:19-21)!
But what about “necking” and “petting,” more commonly known as “making out”? To most teenagers today, the very question of whether these are wrong seems absurd. Simply put, petting is a form of caressing or passionate embracing, and necking is heavy kissing. These belong in marriage—and nowhere else, no matter the opinions of friends or society. Think of it this way: Do you want someone else putting his hands all over your future wife? Then don’t put your hands all over someone else’s! Also, in a society where women have become much more aggressive, it now needs to be emphasized that the same is true for them.
Only God decides what sin is and what it is not. Because human beings do not know His wonderful purpose for sex in marriage, they try to twist God’s definition. (Recall the national debate defined by the now infamous statement, “It depends on what the meaning of the word is is.”)
Necking and petting outside of marriage are not the stages leading to the pinnacle of LOVE but rather to the valley of LUST! Prior to marriage, these merely add temptation to go further. Recall: “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth DEATH” (Jms. 1:14-15).
Most understand that necking and petting will eventually lead to sexual intercourse. Actually, God designed this to be so! In fact, necking and petting are the beginnings of sexual intercourse. To believe otherwise is extremely naïve, ignoring the fact that no young person or adult has enough “brake leather” to resist for very long what naturally was intended by God to come next.
Determining “sexual compatibility” has become a catchphrase—actually a copout—used by many today as nothing more than an excuse to have pre-marital sex. The thought here is that couples “need” to find out if they match sexually—just as with personality, perspective, interests, etc.—before getting married. Some want to “test drive the car before buying it.” This unconscious way of thinking has taken root in the wake of so many millions of failed marriages that can be attributed to having had an unhealthy sex life.
With no exceptions, sex outside of marriage is driven entirely by lust. Will you heed God’s Word? Will you obey Him and keep your virginity until marriage, saving yourself as you would wish your future spouse to do for you? If you both do this, the rewards will be wonderful beyond belief.
Masculinity and Its Role in Dating
Before discussing courtship, we must analyze the distinct differences between the sexes. The world today is largely unaware of them and, in a society driven by “equality,” most do not realize that there are God-designed—GOD-ORDAINED!—purposes for men and women.
If you are a man, are you truly masculine in the way you were designed to be—or are you guided by the thinking and stereotypes of a confused world?
Women, are you striving to be feminine in the way God intended—or do you accept the pressures and influences of SOCIETY, allowing it to define your role for you—meaning you have allowed loud, brassy, haughty women to become your standard?
True masculinity has been undermined at every turn for almost half a century. Nearly every movie and television “sitcom” degrades men into bumbling fools—Dagwoods stumbling after Blondies—and ineffective leaders who have to be “bailed out” of problems by shrewd, sometimes conniving, sharp-tongued, more competent women. The subtle message is that men are weak, barely functioning “neanderthals,” who only survive through the continual assistance of an intelligent, assertive woman. And “savvy” teens often “assist” the wife/mother in her effort. Men are depicted as morally weak, unintelligent and lacking the character to make any decisions—let alone the right ones!
On the other hand, women are pictured as aggressive—and more masculine than their counterparts. They are pictured as always knowing what to do, and how to manipulate men into doing what they want, while making men think they did things on their own.
Strength and courage are rare in men today, with most having become weak and indecisive. The impact of what millions watch in almost daily entertainment has made ever larger numbers of men effeminate. Tragically, particularly since the 1960s, men have been all too willing to abdicate their leadership roles, leaving women to fill the void. God never intended such confusion. Reversed roles cause unhappiness, unnecessary tension and severe frustration in a relationship. Isaiah’s prophecy has been fulfilled: “As for My people, children are their oppressors, and WOMEN RULE OVER THEM” (3:12).
God created the man first and put him as the head—the leader—over the woman in the marriage relationship. But those even modestly fulfilling this God-ordained role have all but disappeared! No wonder the marriage “misery index” is higher than ever before.
Take note that man was created physically different from woman. He is generally taller, with a deeper voice, a coarser complexion and hairier skin. He has broader shoulders, larger, more-defined muscles and overall of sturdier build. Proverbs 20:29 describes how the “glory of young men is their strength.” More often than not, today’s men are fat, and not very strong. A man should always strive to be fit, healthy and strong. He was designed to be the provider for the family and to be able to do hard, manual labor when necessary.
On the other hand, I Peter 3:7 describes women as the physically “weaker vessel” to whom men must “give honor.” In the six verses prior to this, godly women are described as having “a meek and quiet spirit”—hardly what society is producing for role models.
The differences between men and women are not only physical, but exist on the mental and emotional levels as well. Men are more competitive and more aggressive—generally willing to take more risks when facing challenges. Women are usually more intuitive—they feel things at a deeper level—while men are generally more logical and analytical, which are qualities related to how God designed them to be natural leaders of a family.
In addition, a masculine man founds himself on solid principles and spiritual values, and is unwilling to bend or compromise with decisions based on his morals. He has purpose and drive, and uses intelligence and initiative to be decisive. His strength should be far more than just the physical.
Masculinity is the ability to be temperate, to use common sense and judgment, and to be able to take charge when necessary—all of which so few today seem to recognize as vital to the male role. The slide into male weakness is only compounded because, with so few now any longer demonstrating these basic masculine traits, there are almost no role models for young men to emulate.
But you can be different, if you set your will to be—and truly feminine women will notice and appreciate it, because this is the way they were designed to think!
Of course, this is only a brief overview of the many reasons that men are—and should always strive to be—distinctly different from women.
Femininity and Its Role in Dating
What has happened to true femininity? Remember, this is Satan’s world—he does not want mankind living God’s Way. As a sexless being, he wants neither men to be masculine nor women to be feminine! He wants confusion of roles, in every possible way.
Like its masculine counterpart, true femininity is almost non-existent today. The feminist movement has led society from one ditch to the other. Through its distorted cry for humanly-devised “equal rights,” actually seeking to have strong women leading weak men, it has helped to turn the marriage institution upside down.
Sadly, there was once a time when male abuse of women (and they are “weaker vessels”) was widespread. While “equal rights” has greatly reduced this problem, such “equality” has come at a terrible price. Having absolutely no comprehension of the GOVERNMENT OF GOD—and no understanding of the need for this government in the family—society has produced families in which husbands, wives, children, grandparents and others of the extended family simply do not see the direct connection of the correct understanding of each person’s role to happiness, peace and unity in the home.
The “women’s lib” movement has also influenced and virtually taken over the rearing of children. As a result, an enormous void now exists, with women no longer being taught about or trained in—through society, school, family or religion—the definition of true femininity or how to exude it.
A truly feminine woman wants to be a woman. She does not want the role of the man, understanding she would be uncomfortable doing something she was not designed to do. God purposely made women unique from men. The feminine woman honors the uniqueness of her womanhood—knowing that THIS is what is attractive to the masculine man. She understands and respects the differences God installed into each of the sexes.
Women are physically weaker and emotionally different. They cry more easily and often need to express their feelings more openly with others.
A truly feminine woman knows why she was created. She understands the role she was intended to fulfill in marriage—as the man’s support and “helpmeet” (Gen. 2:18). Doing this helps her to be happiest.
A feminine woman recognizes her responsibilities of submission and service. God designed wives to be most comfortable when submissive to their husbands and when responsive to their needs—and to feel fulfilled when they are doing this. They know to disregard that society puts them down, or even lampoons them, as “old-fashioned” or “out of step,” recognizing that society is out of step with God—and miserable as a result!
If you are studying how to properly date, you are not yet married. Be sure to think ahead—into the future—and try to practice this essential way of thinking now. Make it a habit to give, help and serve wherever you are able.
A feminine woman of virtue is also resourceful and diligent in what she does. Ignore the popular image of the “feminine” woman as a helpless woman. This is far from true! She understands finances, strives to be imaginative and inventive, and works hard at whatever endeavor she undertakes.
Another important aspect of femininity, almost COMPLETELY lost to girls and young women today, is modesty. Are you modest? Are you aware of your posture and stance—the look in your eyes and the tone of your voice? Do you wear provocative clothing that does not cover as much as it should, while also knowing that it is intended to be suggestive and sexually arousing? Or do you dress elegantly