Malignant Self Love, Samuel Vaknin [reading tree txt] 📗

>idealising libido from the images of the parents, which is conducive to

the natural development of the Superego. The narcissistic part of the

child’s psyche remains vulnerable throughout its development. This is

largely true until the “child” re-internalises the ideal parent image.

 

Also, the very construction of the mental apparatus can be tampered

with by traumatic deficiencies and by object losses right through the

Oedipal period (and even in latency and in adolescence).

 

The same effect can be attributed to traumatic disappointment by

objects.

 

Disturbances leading to the formation of NPD can be thus grouped into:

 

1. Very early disturbances in the relationship with an ideal

object. These lead to a structural weakness of the personality, which

develops a deficient and/or dysfunctional stimuli-filtering mechanism.

The ability of the individual to maintain a basic narcissistic

homeostasis of the personality is damaged.

 

Such a person suffers from diffusive narcissistic vulnerability.

 

2. A disturbance occurring later in life - but still pre-Oedipally

- affects the pre-Oedipal formation of the basic fabric of the control,

channelling and neutralising of drives and urges. The nature of the

disturbance has to be a traumatic encounter with the ideal object (such

as a major disappointment). The symptomatic manifestation of this

structural defect is the propensity to re - sexualise drive derivatives

and internal and external conflicts either in the form of fantasies or

in the form of deviant acts.

 

3. A disturbance formed in the Oedipal or even in the early latent

phases - inhibits the completion of the Superego idealisation. This is

especially true of a disappointment related to an ideal object of the

late pre-Oedipal and the Oedipal stages, where the partly idealised

external parallel of the newly internalised object is traumatically

destroyed.

 

Such a person possesses a set of values and standards - but he forever

looks for ideal external figures from whom he aspires to derive the

affirmation and the leadership that his insufficiently idealised

Superego cannot supply.

 

It is commonly agreed that a loss (real or perceived) at a critical

junction in the psychological development of the child - forces him to

refer to himself for nurturing and for gratification. The child ceases

to trust others and his ability to develop object love or to idealise

is hampered. He is constantly shadowed by the feeling that only he can

satisfy his emotional needs.

 

He exploits people, sometimes unintentionally, but always ruthlessly

and mercilessly. He uses them to obtain confirmation of the accuracy of

his grandiose self-portrait.

 

The narcissist is usually above treatment. He knows best. His

superiority extends to his therapist in particular and to psychology in

general. He seeks treatment only following a major crisis, which

directly threatens his projected and perceived image. We can say that

the narcissist’s “pride” has to be severely hurt to motivate him to

admit his need for help. Even then, the therapy sessions resemble a

battleground.

 

The narcissist is aloof and distanced, demonstrates his superiority in

a myriad of ways, resents what he perceives to be an intrusion on his

innermost sanctum. He is offended by any hint regarding defects or

dysfunctions in his personality or in his behaviour. A narcissist is a

narcissist is a narcissist - even when he asks for help with his world

and worldview shattered.

 

Malignant

 

Self Love

 

Narcissism Revisited

 

Frequently Asked Questions

 

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION # 2

 

Pathological Narcissism

 

A Dysfunction or a Blessing?

 

Comments on recent research by Roy Baumeister.

 

Is pathological narcissism a blessing or a malediction?

 

The answer is: it depends. Healthy narcissism is a mature, balanced

love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and

self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one’s boundaries

and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one’s achievements and

traits. Pathological narcissism is wrongly described as too much

healthy narcissism (or too much self-esteem). These are two absolutely

unrelated phenomena which, regrettably, came to bear the same title.

Confusing pathological narcissism with self-esteem betrays a

fundamental ignorance of both.

 

Pathological narcissism involves an impaired, dysfunctional, immature

(True) Self coupled with a compensatory fiction (the False Self). The

sick narcissist’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem derive entirely

from audience feedback. The narcissist has no self-esteem or self-worth

of his own (no such Ego functions). In the absence of observers, the

narcissist shrivels to non-existence and feels dead. Hence the

narcissist’s preying habits in his constant pursuit of Narcissistic

Supply. Pathological narcissism is an addictive behaviour.

 

Still, dysfunctions are reactions to abnormal environments and

situations (e.g., abuse, trauma, smothering, etc.).

 

Paradoxically, his dysfunction allows the narcissist to function. It

compensates for lacks and deficiencies by exaggerating tendencies and

traits. It is like the tactile sense of a blind person. In short:

pathological narcissism is a result of over-sensitivity, the repression

of overwhelming memories and experiences, and the suppression of

inordinately strong negative feelings (e.g., hurt, envy, anger, or

humiliation).

 

That the narcissist functions at all - is because of his pathology and

thanks to it. The alternative is complete decompensation and

integration.

 

In time, the narcissist learns how to leverage his pathology, how to

use it to his advantage, how to deploy it in order to maximize benefits

and utilities - in other words, how to transform his curse into a

blessing.

 

Narcissists are obsessed by delusions of fantastic grandeur and

superiority. As a result they are very competitive. They are strongly

compelled - where others are merely motivated. They are driven,

relentless, tireless, and ruthless. They often make it to the top. But

even when they do not - they strive and fight and learn and climb and

create and think and devise and design and conspire. Faced with a

challenge - they are likely to do better than non-narcissists.

 

Yet, we often find that narcissists abandon their efforts in

mid-stream, give up, vanish, lose interest, devalue former pursuits, or

slump. Why is that?

 

A challenge, or even a guaranteed eventual triumph - are meaningless in

the absence of onlookers. The narcissist needs an audience to applaud,

affirm, recoil, approve, admire, adore, fear, or even detest him. He

craves the attention and depends on the Narcissistic Supply only others

can provide. The narcissist derives sustenance only from the outside -

his emotional innards are hollow and moribund.

 

The narcissist’s enhanced performance is predicated on the existence of

a challenge (real or imaginary) and of an audience. Baumeister usefully

reaffirmed this linkage, known to theoreticians since Freud.

 

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION # 15

 

The Narcissist’s Reaction to Deficient

 

Narcissistic Supply

 

Question: How does the narcissist react when not in receipt of

sufficient Narcissistic Supply?

 

Answer: Very much as a drug addict would react to the absence of his

particular drug. The narcissist constantly consumes (really, preys

upon) adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention and other

forms of Narcissistic Supply. When lacking or deficient, a Narcissistic

Deficiency Dysphoria sets in. The narcissist looks depressed, his

movements slow down, his sleep patterns are disturbed (he either sleeps

too much or becomes insomniac), his eating patterns change (he gorges

on food or is unable even to look at it). He is be constantly dysphoric

(sad), anhedonic (finds no interest in the world, no pleasure in

anything or in any of his former pursuits and interests). He is

subjected to violent mood swings (mainly rage attacks) and all his

(visible and painful) efforts at self-control fail. He may compulsively

and ritually resort to an alternative addiction - alcohol, drugs,

reading. This constitutes a futile effort of the narcissist both to

escape his predicament - and to sublimate his aggressive urges. His

whole behaviour seems constrained, artificial, full of effort and toil.

The narcissist gradually turns more and more mechanical, detached,

unreal. His thoughts constantly wander or become obsessive and

repetitive, his speech may falter, he appears to be far away, in a

world of his narcissistic fantasies, where Narcissistic Supply is

aplenty. He withdraws from this painful world which knows not how to

appreciate his greatness, special skills and talents, potential, or

achievements. The narcissist thus ceases to bestow himself upon a cruel

universe, punishing it for its shortcomings, its inability to realise

how unique the narcissist is. A schizoid mode sets in: the narcissist

isolates himself, a hermit in the kingdom of his hurt.

 

He minimises his social interactions and uses “messengers” to

communicate with the outside. Devoid of energy, the narcissist can no

longer pretend or succumb to social conventions. His former compliance

gives way to open withdrawal (a rebellion of sorts). His former smiles

are transformed to frowns, courtesy becomes rudeness, emphasised

etiquette used as a weapon, an outlet of aggression, an act of violence.

 

The narcissist, blinded by pain, seeks to restore his balance, to take

another sip of the narcissistic nectar. In his quest, the narcissist

turns to and upon those nearest to him. His real attitude emerges: for

him, they are but tools, one-dimensional instruments on the path to

gratification, Sources of Supply or pimps of such supply, catering to

his narcissistic lusts. He regards them as shallow, no longer

functioning objects. In his wrath, he tries to mend them by forcing

them to perform again, to function. This is coupled with horrendous and

torrential self-flagellation, a deservedly self-inflicted punishment,

or so the narcissist feels. In extreme cases of deprivation, the

narcissist may entertain suicidal thoughts, this is how deeply he

loathes his self and his condition.

 

Through all this, the narcissist is beset by a pervading sense of

nostalgia. It is a malignant variety, harking back to a past, which

never existed except in the thwarted grandiosity of the narcissist. The

longer the lack of Narcissistic Supply, the more this past is

glorified, re-written, missed and mourned. This serves to enhance all

the other negative feelings. Put together, it already amounts to what

might be clinically described as depression. The narcissist then glides

into the shores of paranoia. From his mental closet, he draws a model

of a prosecuting world, incorporating in it those around him and events

in his recent life. This gives meaning to what is erroneously perceived

by the narcissist as a sudden shift from over supply to under or to no

supply (such over and under valuations are typical of him). The

apparent diminishing of the Narcissistic Supply is best explained by a

theory of conspiracy. The narcissist then - in pain, in despair, in

fear - embarks upon an orgy of self-destruction intended to generate

“alternative Supply Sources” (attention) at any cost. The narcissist is

poised to commit the ultimate narcissistic act: self-destruction in the

service of self-aggrandisement.

 

When deprived of Narcissistic Supply - primary AND secondary - the

narcissist feels annulled. It feels much like being hollowed out,

mentally disembowelled or watching oneself die. It is evaporation,

disintegration into molecules of terrified anguish, helplessly and

inexorably.

 

Without Narcissistic Supply - the narcissist crumbles, like the zombies

or the vampires one sees in horror movies. It is terrifying and the

narcissist will do anything to avoid it. Think about the narcissist as

a drug addict. His withdrawal symptoms are identical: delusions,

physiological effects, irritability, emotional lability.

 

Narcissists often experience brief, decompensatory psychotic episodes

when their psyche is disassembled - either deliberately in therapy or

following a life-crisis accompanied by a major narcissistic injury.

 

These psychotic episodes may be closely allied to another feature of

narcissism: magical thinking. Narcissists are like children in this

sense. Many, for instance, fully believe in two things: that whatever

happens - they will prevail and that good things will always happen to

them. It is more than a belief, really. Narcissists just KNOW it, the

same way one knows gravity - directly, immediately and surely.

 

The narcissist believes that, no matter what he does, he will always be

forgiven, always prevail and triumph, always come on